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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really fed up with my single childfree carefree friends?

29 replies

BeastofBodmin · 02/04/2010 15:58

I haven't seen them for ages and at their suggestion arranged to go out with them tonight.

Plan was to go to a restaurant and then bar locally tonight. I have been looking forward to it for ages and even had my hair done this morning.

I've just had a text (grrr that she didn't even ring but that's another matter) saying 'get your dancing shoes on we've decided to go to x instead, so will find somewhere to eat nearby'

They know that I have booked a babysitter until midnight and will have to be home at midnight.

But have decided they are going to a club that is 40 miles away - so not only is there no point in me paying £££s to get into a club for a short amount of time, I will also have to get a taxi back alone which will cost at least £40

I don't know what to text in response but at least I don't have to worry about what to wear tonight anymore..I'll be in my pjs no doubt.

Oh my babysitter charges a cancellation fee too. Great.

OP posts:

lovechoc · 02/04/2010 16:00

This is why it's good to have friends who are mums just like you - otherwise they just don't get the whole realm of motherhood and what it's like.

Like yourself I do have friends who are childfree/carefree and they do try their best to understand but really what do they know about it??? Until we're in the situation we can't possibly relate to what it's like.

I'd do the same as you, just get on the PJs and chill out in front of the box or something - less stress and less expensive.

It's their loss not yours.

diddl · 02/04/2010 16:00

YANBU.
TBH, depending on the babysitters fee I would consider not going.

rubyslippers · 02/04/2010 16:01

tell them that - they can go dancing another night and you can stick to your original plans

Original poster

BeastofBodmin · 02/04/2010 16:01

I have mum friends too - but it'd be nice to catch up with this group.

I'm so dissapointed.

OP posts:

farmerjones · 02/04/2010 16:03

text them back, detailing exactly why you cant go with them. then get dressed, find someone else to go with, and go out locally, or if on your own, then go to the cinema and watch a film, dont cancel babysitter.

gingernutlover · 02/04/2010 16:03

"hi, as you know I have to be back by midnight, so i obviously wont be coming. Enjoy yourselves!"

I'm sure the cancellation fee wont be as expensive as the taxi, or you could have a drink with a local friend instead.

YANBU and they are being selfish and thoughtless - but they will never understand why it is such a problem (speaks from experience)

BusyMissIzzy · 02/04/2010 16:03

YANBU. That's selfish and inconsiderate of them to change plans at such short notice.

But maybe the genuinely haven't realised that the new plan won't work for you? Can you reply and point this out, and ask to stick to the original plan?

jenduff · 02/04/2010 16:04

I was probably guilty of doing that kind of thing pre-DCs - they're not being intentionally selfish they're just not thinking.

Maybe text back and say that you can't do that would they mind doing it another time so you can join them to night.

Hope you manage to have a fab night out

Eurostar · 02/04/2010 16:07

if it was me I'd ask if we could stick to the original place to eat and then you'll wave them off in a taxi to dance. One or two will probably go off the whole dance idea and join you in the local bar. Maybe they think that dancing shoes club is the place to find Mr Right - they might think you are unreasonable to thwart their efforts to join you in the baby club

emsyj · 02/04/2010 16:08

People without children (and I am one currently as still preg) don't understand, and how could they? YANBU to be disappointed, but they are just not thinking. Just TELL THEM that you can't do what they have chosen and if they're decent people they'll realise that they have been a bit thoughtless and will say they're sorry and revert to the original plans. If they don't, then they're not as great friends as you thought.

lovechoc · 02/04/2010 16:08

I agree with jenduff they just don't see your world and the inconvenience that this can cause by changing the plans at the last minute because they don't know anything about responsibilities as a parent.

I'm not sure they'd change their plans though, if there's the majority going (without children).

troublewithtalk · 02/04/2010 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flameproofsuit · 02/04/2010 17:01

Well if they're friends surely you can tell them how inconsiderte they're being (nicely!) and they should revert back to the original plan. That's what I'd expect real friends to do anyway.

BertieBottsChocolateBeans · 02/04/2010 17:08

I agree - explain to them that you can't go to the dance club and either ask them to change it or see if they offer, or a compromise is good as Eurostar suggested.

If they don't want to change their plans then is there anyone else you could go out with? Any MNers nearby up for a short notice meet? or what about going to the cinema by yourself - don't waste the babysitter, either way.

SilkyBreeks · 02/04/2010 17:45

I'm surprised anyone thinks it's ok for people to do this, just because they don't have children! I don't (for a couple of weeks anyway) but always ask friends with kids where/when they can meet and am really careful not to let them down cos I know it's a logistical nightmare!

Hullygully · 02/04/2010 17:47

I think this is v thoughtless. Agree with SilkyBreeks, friendship means considering friends' circs, whatever they may be.

Kill them.

ifancyashandy · 02/04/2010 18:18

Call them and tell / ask them to keep to original plans. Texting (I know she did it first) can lead to all sorts of misunderstandings. If you call and explain, I'm sure they'll stick with original idea.

And on the note of 'they don't have kids, how could they understand' - don't think we can make blanket statement. I was the last of my close friends to have a child by a loooooong way. (Mine is 2ys. Theirs are all aged between 8-13.) I did understand that they couldn't just change plans at the last minute and before I had DD, I have spent many many many Saturday nights in their kitchens drinking wine, just so I could see them and so they didn't have to arrange babysitter etc.

If they're good friends, they'll understand.

AliGrylls · 02/04/2010 18:32

YANBU - definitely unfair to change the plans at the last moment without consulting everyone first.

Although in fairness to them, maybe they did not think about it and assumed it would not be a problem. Before I had DS I would probably not have thought through these kind of problems.

As most have suggested you should explain to them.

LittleSilver · 02/04/2010 18:54

YANBU. I have childless friends who do stuff like this. Very very annoying.

thisisnotwhoyouthink · 02/04/2010 18:59

"People without children (and I am one currently as still preg) don't understand, and how could they? YANBU to be disappointed, but they are just not thinking. Just TELL THEM that you can't do what they have chosen and if they're decent people they'll realise that they have been a bit thoughtless and will say they're sorry and revert to the original plans. If they don't, then they're not as great friends as you thought. "

yy, this.

wonderingwondering · 02/04/2010 19:02

Phone your friend up and say - can we stick to the meal plan, then they can head off to a club if they want, you're looking forward to going out but can't do the club bit.

Don't text. Have a conversation. Much quicker and saves lots of angst and misunderstandings.

geraldinetheluckygoat · 02/04/2010 19:02

how disappointing i hope you have someone else that could come out to the pub or for a meal with you instead

Original poster

BeastofBodmin · 03/04/2010 10:35

Morning!

Sorry I disappeared yesterday - had to nip out and then get ready!

I blew off my friends and they suggested we go for lunch one day. Hmph.

Had a fab night regardless though so thanks for the suggestions - I called a friend whose DH could watch the children and we went for a curry, then to a wine bar. We'd planned to go to the cinema but preferred going somewhere we could chat

OP posts:

skihorse · 03/04/2010 10:38

YANBU. Don't let your new hair go to waste. As gingernuts suggested, send the text and as farmerjones suggested, get out and do something - even if it's only the cinema on your own. Fuck 'em!

skihorse · 03/04/2010 10:39

Ooops sorry, saw you've already been out and had fun. Good for you!

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