To want some feedback

[Lazylion]

I just had very close family staying with me - I tidied the house, cooked, made beds, made sure my 3DC were well behaved and best clothes on (one the DC is a new baby). I had just had my hair cut after 20 years too. But nobody said anything to me such as "the baby is nice", "your hair is different", "this pie is nice", "the bed was comfortable", "she has your nose" etc etc.
Last night I asked them what I was like as a child and the answer was "normal".
AIBU to feel like I don't exist?

You have some family that have very poor manners and they are taking you for granted by sounds of it..

not Unresonable no however perhaps ask yourself how you can work towards not having this happen next time..

Only you can see me Lonnie, it wasn't just my family.
Isn't this a film with Bruce Willis in it?

Are you normally fairly obliging (for want of a better word) with family, do you let them get away with stuff that from others you would consider rude eg not saying thank you for supper you have prepared, or even for having stayed the night!!

I wonder if when they next treat you like a doormat, stop them and say it for them i.e. "thanks for that lazylion" it is passive agressive but it may kick start something.

Alternatively how are you generally with other, do you stand up for yourself in situations, or do things need to be really really bad before you would say something?? Have you considered a bit of assertiveness training to help in situations so you don't let them make you feel like this.

FWIW they probably think you have fantastic perfectly groomed kids all of the time, and you're perfectly turned out as well, so in no need of their praise, That's it! THEY WERE TOTALLY OVERAWED WITH YOU AND WHAT A FANTASTIC MUM YOU ARE!!!!!! (shouting deliberatly)

It's a weird thing when you become a parent.

The focus can shift onto your children and you can become some sort of facilitator for the next generation. My own mother was guilty of this attitude, basically, you've had a child now, you no longer matter.

Fuck 'em.

Completely agree with Doris, next time you 'serve' them a meal, tea, whatever, look them in the eye and ask them "What do you sayyyy?" in your best mum voice. That should remind them of their manners.

Failing that, get assertive, let people make their own frigging cups of tea and leave the DC with them next time they visit.
Go out with a friend and hit the shops/bar/sauna.

FWIW they probably think you have fantastic perfectly groomed kids all of the time, and you're perfectly turned out as well, so in no need of their praise, That's it! THEY WERE TOTALLY OVERAWED WITH YOU AND WHAT A FANTASTIC MUM YOU ARE!!!!!! (shouting deliberatly)

Well why didn't they bloody say so? Although it is not likely as I am a right old state. I would even welcome "you are a right old state" from them, but nothing forthcoming.

well to me thats a good result a visit from my family normally involves comments like "your bedroom is a bit untidy (seriously)" or "are the kids always this loud?" a good one from my dad recently was "your head looks so small because you body is so big" .

YANBU to feel like this but seriously ignore it it will do nothing but eat away at you otherwise!

Oh dear fernie, the nasty sod. I think I suffer from the big body small head thing though.
I have one idea to sort my problem out that just might work. Next time I'm going to give them a sheet of paper each with 'Lazylion' at the top and tell them they have 10 mins to write down anything that comes to mind. Would that be classed as passive aggressive?

Hi Lazylion, whatever your family thinks about you I must say I would be properly offended if they didn't even small talk around my new baby. It seems to me that either a) your all so used to being around each other that you never say anything nice to each other because you all think that everyone knows how the others feel about you and yours, b) they are emotionally challenged, or c) they take you for granted.

Whatever the reason it doesn't sound like fun and I wouldn't want to have anyone treat me that way for long. Do they call you, or do you always call them? Do you invite and arrange things or do they also pull their weight to keep the family together? Do you live far from your family while those who visited all live around the corner from each other? If they all live next door then they may forget that you don't and treat you according to option a).

I personally don't think asking them to write something about you next time you see them is a bad idea. In fact, in might be really good. It could give you the opportunity to open up to each other. That's if you don't think they'll ridicule you? Does your DH and DC's treat you like your "there"? Saying thanks on occation? If they don't then like it has been indicated in the messages above you might want to consider starting the change process with yourself, by making yourself more visible (saying no and being assertive etc). Gosh, I've rambled on, I hope you got some sense out of this!

Thanks Snuppeline, I am really upset at them not talking about the baby most of all.
They live far away and don't bother with me much. I had to write a harsh email (not like me at all) to get them to visit the dc for more than a hour at a time. b abd c both fit from your options.
I am visible to dc and dh thank god or I would go mad. I am going to do the paper thing and looking forward to it already.