to be quite upset about

[whittywan]

the fact that my family (DH and in-laws) have all gone out for lunch and not invited me?

Background - I'm a foreign national that moved to England with my husband last year when he was asked to join the family business.

At home I had loads of close friends and a very promising (if stressful) career and a loving close-knit family. We discussed the pro's and con's etc and decided that all in all it was probably best for us to move and settle here. That said it has been a really difficult 15months or so for me, due to professional registration issues I was only able to start work (and at a much more junior level than at home) in July last year and as I was 20weeks pregnant by then I could only get a temporary position.

We also live in a small village in the North and I have had few opportunities to make new friends (those friends that we have are all in London)so my only real adult contact and 'frienships' are with DH's family (his parents also live down the road from us).

They are all lovely although my MIL is a very strong-willed and opinionated woman an I frequently have to put up with her 'light-hearted' comments about being a bad mother.

My DS is 15weeks old now and a very high-need (recovering slowly from colic) baby. I attend bf groups etc in the local town etc and although all the ladies are lovely have not really made any friends yet.

So suffice to say I feel rather isolated most of the time and finding out that they've all gone out the nice new restaurant this afternoon (that is child friendly) but haven't even bothered to ask me just made me feel really left out and and just a little

Am I taking this all to seriously and BU

why would your DH not make sure you were there

YANBU

i would be seriosuly questioning DHs commitment to me and the baby if he would leave me at home for a family lunch!!

vile behaviour

No, I don't think you are being unreasonable - they have been inconsiderate and unwelcoming.

If it had just been them, fair enough. But your DH as well? Out of order!!!!

What did he say to you when he went? Does he know you know?

sorry, on a tangent, where roughly in the NE are you? there atre loads of us in the durham area & we meet up regularly

that is awful! Why on earth wouldn't they invite you??? YADNBU

If it were me, I would put the baby in a pram and march over to the restaurant, saying "Oh, here you all are! Right, what shall I order?"

I cannot believe your DH - he should be sticking up for you, not siding with his family to isolate you.

I am a foreign national (British) living in my DHs country, and it is your DH who should be taking a stand with his family.

for you...you need to talk to your DH

How on earth did this happen? How can a husband go out and just not take his wife? WTF???

I would be FURIOUS and really, really hurt.

I am totally shocked.

YANBU - that sounds very mean! What, did he just suddenly forget he was married to you or something? Did you and your DC become invisible by some magical force? Did he sneak out and hoped you'd not notice?

To be fair to DH he did ring me up to apologise as soon as he arrived at the restaurant and realised I wasn't there.

But.. my MIL has to practically drive past our house to go into town

He shouldn't be apologising - he should be on his way home to be with you...

YANBU your DH is.

You need to put a stop to this or you will become more isolated.

he is surely not going to stay and eat lunch

SPB beat me to it

Doesn't sound very considerate at all.

sorry, should have clarified DH, SIL, BIL and FIL all work in town at the family business.
MIL is a SAHW. So it's not a business lunch if she goes

Oh whittywan, that's horrible, poor you.

Why haven't they invited you? Is it a special occasion that you've been deliberately left out of or is it a case of them being in the same place as DH's work and therefore grabbing a quick bit of lunch with him on his lunchbreak? If this is the case it still would be nice for you to be invited, even if you said no but is slightly more understandable.

I'm in the Scarborough area

SIL arranged lunch via email DH thought I'd been CC'd. They all (siblings) have to go back to work after lunch but having gone out to lunch means DH will probably be home later than usual.

Whittywan - I am in the Scarborough area if you need to talk to anyone. CAT me. There are many friendly mums and mums groups around here that I can introduce you to.

That is really mean Terribly thoughtless of your DH!

Just wanted to add that Indith/SPB and me do meet up in Durham, me not so regularly as I don't live in Durham, we are a friendly bunch

Have a look on the meetup threads as there may be other groups of MNers nearer to you if Durham is not convenient for you.

Have you thought about asking one of the mums are the bfing groups if they fancy going for a coffee?

Hiya phil are you north or south of SCarborough. I am actually closer to Whitby, but Scarborough is the closest 'big' town

"I frequently have to put up with her 'light-hearted' comments about being a bad mother"

She sounds like a right charmer

My DH is in a family business and it's a pain in the backside. With us it's financial issues (ie he earns most of the money to support the rest of them) but it can be very frustrating as I often feel that we (DCs and I) are being sidelined for DH's "original" (for want of a better word) family. Make sure you stand your ground now so that there's no room for misunderstanding later on. I wish I had years ago.

Longtalljosie - the way I see it their the only family we have nearby and I'd rather stay friends with them. MIL dirns't really mean to offend but she can be a little offensive and I think rather likes to stake her claim on 'her family'. Since DS's birth I have definitely been more accepted. I think because of the whole first grandson thing.