to not want my in-laws to babysit?

[gingerfox]

This is my first post--I really don't know what to do and would welcome advice!

DH and I have to go to a wedding in France in July. My in-laws say we should leave DD, now 3 months, with them for the three days we will be away. I really don't want to do this, as their past behavior has made me doubt the in-laws. FIL is a GP, and MIL thinks this means he knows everything. So far, this has included: 1) him saying that we should give DD solids (at 3 months!); 2) that DD can go on my LAP in the car from their house to a restaurant; and 3) him trying to force the bottle down DD's throat the one time (last time, if I have my way) he has fed her.

AIBU? And if not, how do I get DH on my side to tell them? He says, I know they have some dated thinking, but look--they raised me and I am fine!

yanbu

If you don´t want to leave your daughter then don´t.

i wouldn't leave her

your DH needs to tell them though

I would not leave my child (let alone a baby that young) with someone I wasn't at least 90% comfortable with.

The car thing and the solid food thing would REALLY bother me. YANBU.

Just take the baby with you.

Yes, your DH needs to tell them. In whatever way suits him

I have a 3 month old, I wouldn't leave him. Don't feel bad, just take her with you.

Hmm YANBU shouldn't it be you and DH together who say when where and with whom you leave PFB

Laying that aside, leaving a 7ish month old for three days with two adults you are not confident will keep her safe-that to me would be unreasonable.

Is the alternative to leaving her that you take her with you? If so I don't see any problem, just say 'oh thank you so much for the offer, but we've decided to take her along'. 3 days is quite a long time to leave a 6-month-old imo.

If you would otherwise leave her with someone else, then yes it's a bit more difficult to tell them, but it's not up to them it is your choice. Try not to offend them too much, you will probably be grateful for offers of babysitting in the future!

Don't piss them off, just imagine the future babysitting opportunities if they are prepared to have the baby for three days now. Things have just changed is all. I would just say the baby is too young now and then in a few months solid fod won't be an issue and you can tell them car seats are the law.

Thanks so muchDH sometimes makes me feel like I am being horrible to them. But I really don't trust them. FIL also told me when DD was born that if I was taking longer than 20 mins to BF, I was "doing it wrong."! I really don't know how to get DH to tell them thoughhe doesn't want to upset his mum (esp as none of his siblings, long story, are speaking to their parents!).

I know how you feel.

My MIL wanted to look after DS1 while DH and I were away (she knew the plan was that my mum would do it) some of the things that concerned me were very similar - thinking car seats are not needed, in particular! - and I have seen her deliberately doing things with her other GC's against their parents wishes, and gloating how much it would annoy their parents! I agonised over it - I don't want to be the stereotypical DIL! - but I just couldn't have left him with them, I would not have been able to relax, and would have been agitated the whole time. If you are really not happy about the idea, stick to your guns - a trip abroad is not the right time to resolve issues about the way they look after your DC's.

YANBU - can you take her with you? Why not just tell them all that she is too little to be left yet and that you will be taking her with you. Job done. Worry about PIL politics when it next arises!!

There's no way, given the above, I'd let them babysit, let alone have her for 3 days and I'm not precious!

Just because your Dh survived their parenting 20 years ago, doesn't mean they are safe people to leave your baby with now. A million years ago my Mum held me in the car too - doesn't mean she thinks it's sensible now!! They did a lot of things then that we now consider unsafe and I would be worried that they would just do it their way (ie put her on her tummy to go to sleep). I'd be a bag of nerves and wouldn't enjoy the wedding at all.

YANBU at all.

I would suggest that your fil familiarises himself with some evidence based, up to date research.

YANBU

What ChippingIn said.

Thanks, againright, I am going to tell DH that either we take her with us (difficult, the wedding is no-children...sigh), or we find someone else (I do have one or two people I would trust). You are rightthere is no way I would at all enjoy the trip. I have been dreading it ever since it was brought up

I really don't want to leave her at all--she is too little, and I cannot imagine her having three whole days wondering where her mum is

Have you asked if it's OK to take her? 'No children' might not mean no small babies - it's not the same as having kids running around the place.

(Don't like weddings without kids myself - but each to their own!!.)

Thanks, againso kindI really needed the reassurance!I feel much better. If the wedding doesn't work, I'm staying home with her. The good news is that DH and I are moving abroad in late summerso I won't have to worry about the in-laws babysitting much in future! (They hate travel!)

YANBU

TBH I'd feel uncomfortable leaving a baby that age anyway, no matter who it was with.

Your friends who are getting married are being a bit unreasonable if they won't let you take your baby, IMHO.

I wouldn't leave her if I were you. Could you explain your concerns to the bride-to-be? At 3 months she's not going to cause any disruption at the wedding. You could say that if she starts crying, you'll take her outside. If they say no then don't go as you won't enjoy it - you'll be worrying so much.

I do understand why some people don´t want children at a wedding.

But a baby who will just feed and sleep?

And OP, if you´re breastfeeding,I think it is a case of take your daughter or don´t go.

am I the only one not surprised that their other DC aren't speaking to them?!

take her with you and let her sleep behind a table otherwise don't go