in telling my Ex he will have to wait at least 6 weeks for his money?

[hatesponge]

Ex and I jointly own our house.

After a long period of discussion as to what would be 'done' with the house, I have offered to buy him out (he can't afford to buy me out, the alternative is to sell, but house needs a lot of work to finish it, and is something of a white elephant, so unlikely to find a buyer quickly, if at all). He wants the money as a deposit on another house. So I explain to him the pros and cons & make him an offer - because he's quite a linear thinker and you have to set stuff out step by step for him so he can see it all clearly. He suggests a slightly higher figure, but one I can afford (if we live on beans on toast for the foreseeable...) which I then agree.

All well and good, until I say ' ok you do know this will take at least 6-8 weeks don't you?'

whereupon Ex royally throws toys from pram and is now reconsidering his position Ex is a pain, so this is no surprise, however when I told a couple of RL friends who also couldnt see why it would take so long & said well cant you just give him some of the money now and the rest in a few weeks?

I cant do this because I dont have £1000's sitting around, I have to remortgage, but even if I didnt, there's still the whole legal side to deal with, formalising our agreement, changing deeds etc to take him off.... that all has to take time, doesnt it?

So AIBU? Or am I somehow looking at it all wrong?

Point out that if you were to sell, a) he'd have to cough up cash to get the place sellable and b) it could take months in the current market.

He can wait. Since he's already been involved in buying the first place, he must understand that these things take time...

Otherwise, offer to put the place on the market and he can go whistle while it's not sold.

Just my £0.02

Apart from Fondlife's comments, perhaps the ex should realise that as you both (presumably, and iirc) have children, their interests should come first and that means a formal legal agreement to safeguard your financial welfare.

Heaven forbid you should advance him money and it turns ugly... he can wait!

Don't give him a penny, until it's legally finalised.

YANBU, dont give him a penny. Tell him if he gets a buyer in the meantime, you wont stand in his way.

YANBU - he is being a twat.

He has 2 choices:

He can accept your offer and accept it will take as long as it takes to get the legal/financial stuff completed before he get his 'share'.

OR

He can put it on the market and wait for a buyer and then wait for all the legal/financial stuff to be done - no one else is going to pay him before that's done - why should you??

Also, anymore of his stropping about and I'd be telling him that actually, your original figure is what you are happy to pay. End of.

Sorry, I know you have been around a while (your posting name always makes me - who hates sponge???), but I can't remember if you have kids or not - will he be paying maintenance etc? Maybe you could suggest instead of maintenace you just keep the house