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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to love this poem

28 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2010 20:01

And have done for 20 yrs now.

Chaos ruled OK in the classroom
as bravely the teacher walked in
the nooligans ignored him
hid voice was lost in the din

"The theme for today is violence
and homework will be set
I'm going to teach you a lesson
one that you'll never forget"

He picked on a boy who was shouting
and throttled him then and there
then garrotted the girl behind him
(the one with grotty hair)

Then sword in hand he hacked his way
between the chattering rows
"First come, first severed" he declared
"fingers, feet or toes"

He threw the sword at a latecomer
it struck with deadly aim
then pulling out a shotgun
he continued with his game

The first blast cleared the backrow
(where those who skive hang out)
they collapsed like rubber dinghies
when the plug's pulled out

"Please may I leave the room sir?"
a trembling vandal enquired
"Of course you may" said teacher
put the gun to his temple and fired

The Head popped a head round the doorway
to see why a din was being made
nodded understandingly
then tossed in a grenade

And when the ammo was well spent
with blood on every chair
Silence shuffled forward
with its hands up in the air

The teacher surveyed the carnage
the dying and the dead
He waggled a finger severely
"Now let that be a lesson" he said

OP posts:
MitchyInge · 30/03/2010 20:05

hahaha yanbu

(what are nooligans though?)

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2010 20:11

Mitchy, they are hooligans lol.
I read that when I was 15 and my teacher stopped me fighting with a boy by giving us a challenge of memorising it and winning £20...i won the challenge lol

OP posts:
MitchyInge · 30/03/2010 20:12

nooligans sound much better, was not sure if there was a bit of frabjous whatsit going on in first stanza

bobbiewickham · 30/03/2010 20:16

Bloody hell, I forgot about that.

Used to like it, makes me feel a bit ick now.

Must be going soft in my old age...

pranma · 30/03/2010 22:27

used to make a great 'real' lesson-read it aloud-have a discussion on what might have driven the teacher-class in pairs do newspaper reports imagining it had occurred in their school-good old Roger McGough!

thisisnotwhoyouthink · 30/03/2010 23:01

Sorry to disagree, and this is just my opinion, sorry, but I think it is a horrible poem. It brings to mind those horrible shoot ups in American schools that happen (usually by students though and not teachers).

echt · 31/03/2010 05:41

This poem was written waay before the incidents cited by TINWYT, but not before the more widespread experience of pissed-off teachers.

It is a good poem, rhythmically, structurally, in style and content. Students I've taught it too have loved it.

Having said that, I've not used Pigs for paragraphs with an all-Muslim class lately, though pre-9/11, they loved it.

skihorse · 31/03/2010 05:45

YANBU - wonderful!

Psammead · 31/03/2010 11:32

I'd forgotten about that poem. I used to think it was really funny. Now, not so much.

Thanks for the reminder though - brought back some memories!

diddl · 31/03/2010 12:06

Horrible imo.

WhoIsAsking · 31/03/2010 12:08

awful

TheLadyEvenstar · 31/03/2010 14:58

LOL am I missing the point but what is so bad about it???

i mean teachers don't actually go around doing this!

OP posts:
diddl · 31/03/2010 15:07

So just because teachers don´t do it, makes a difference?
I still think it´s horrible.

skihorse · 01/04/2010 08:59

That's utterly absurd - it's akin to saying all poetry written by soldiers during/after WWI should be banned because it talks about something "nasty". Fuck me, are we now to ban literature/text because it's not about fucking Care Bears? Give me strength.

BelleDameSansMerci · 01/04/2010 09:02

LOL skihorse... Not quite how I was going to put it but point well made!

diddl · 01/04/2010 09:13

Who said ban it?

I don´t like the poem.
The fact that teachers don´t do it makes no difference.
I still don´t like the poem.

TheLadyEvenstar · 01/04/2010 09:18

So what about childrens playground songs such as ...

"Build a bonfire, build a bonfire
put the teachers on the top
put the prefects in the middle
and burn the fucking lot"

OP posts:
diddl · 01/04/2010 09:21

I personally don´t like that either.
So what?

Different people like different things.

BelleDameSansMerci · 01/04/2010 09:23

Now I'm feeling old... When I was at school there was no "fucking" in that rhyme! It was "burn the rotten lot".

TheLadyEvenstar · 01/04/2010 09:31

Belle lol same here!

OP posts:
shakingmyfattybumbum · 01/04/2010 09:34

I'm an English teacher and when one of my fellow students used that poem as a practice lesson on our PGCE they were told off by our lecturer. They were told it was inappropriate in the light of violence in schools (eg Dunblane). I'd agree. The kids love it, mind you - bloodthirsty little souls that they are!

TheLadyEvenstar · 01/04/2010 09:35

Same person wrote this while in the 70's(?) band "Scaffold"

(chorus)
we'll drink a drink a drink
to lily the pink the pink the pink
the saviour of our human race
for she invented, medicinal compound
most efficasious in every case

mr freers, had sticky out ears
and it made him awful shy
and so they gave him medicinal compound
and now he's learning how to fly

robert tony, was known to be bony
he would never eat his meals
and so they gave him medicinal compound
now they move him round on wheels

we'll drink a drink a drink
to lily the pink the pink the pink
the saviour of the human race
for she invented medicinal compound
mosr efficasious in every case

old ebineezer thought he was julius caeser
and so they put him in a home
where they gave him medicnal compound
and now he's emporor of Rome

jonny hammer, had a terrible st st st st stammer
he could hardly sssay a word
and so they gave him medicinal compound
now's he's seen, but never heard

chorus

aunty milly, ran willy nilly
when her legs they did recede
so they looked on medicnal compound
now they call her milly bee

jennifer eccles, had terrible freckles
and the boys all called her names
but they gave her medicinal compound
now she joins in all the games

chorus

lily the pink she turned to drink
she filled up with parafin inside
and despite her medicinal compound
sadly picklilly died

up to heaven her soul ascended
all the church bells they did ring
she took with her medicinal compound
hark the herald angels sing

chorus

And I love this as well lol

OP posts:
wukter · 01/04/2010 09:41

is it about calpol, LES?

WhoIsAsking · 01/04/2010 09:42

I think that's shit as well.

tittybangbang · 01/04/2010 09:43

YANBU

But for different reasons than you I should imagine OP.

I worked as an English teacher in a very rough school for a while. I remember reading this poem and feeling guilty - it scratched an itch for me. I didn't fantasise about killing the children but I used to imagine walking between the desks with a big rolled up newspaper, whacking the buggers round the head to get them to shut up. When I realised I was swearing under my breath at them all day I decided it was time to move on, and shifted into FE.