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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is not a nice way to speak to a child?

50 replies

SirBoobAlot · 29/03/2010 21:49

At the mums & children's group I go to, the children range between a few weeks (antenatal group is next door and you just swap rooms) and a few years old. Its generally a really lovely environment, albeit a bit groupy to begin with; DS is 4 months and I'm just about settled in!

Recently some new members have joined, and I haven't spoken to them much, as they tend to sit in the corner on their phones, and ignoring the rest of us if we try and strike up conversation

But anyway - one of these mums has a little boy who is about 16-18 months (I'm guessing here, as when I asked her before, she just looked at me blankly and went back to her phone). Today she gave him a piece of ham off her plate to eat and he dropped it. He then picked it up and went to eat it again, to which she shouted, "Don't act like a bloody tramp!"

I didn't say anything (not my place) but it really shocked me, and some of the other members in the room.

OP posts:

thesecondcoming · 29/03/2010 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

SirBoobAlot · 29/03/2010 23:15

I am a proud waffler I'm afraid I talk (and write) too much, always have. Short and to the point ain't my style!

Thesecondcoming I sympathise with your friend... This afternoon I was in a cafe trying to feed DS, who, of course, as I was in public, had a rather painful attack of colic, and the poor lamb was screaming and screaming, I meanwhile am squirting milk everywhere trying to cover myself up, settle him, wind him and not catch the eye of all the people staring at me at the same time... burries head in shame I'm not trying to judge, but I guess I am. I just found it quite upsetting for the child.

Brassband I guess we shall agree to disagree on both of those points; I have always felt that "bloody" is swearing, admittedly on the milder scale of obscenities, and I don't see (or appreciate, tbh) why you are calling me a "nutter"?

OP posts:

QueenThistle · 30/03/2010 05:44

Unfortunately I have heard worse

My friend calls her DS's (aged 7 & 9) 'little shits','fuckheads' and so forth

Coldhands · 30/03/2010 09:17

YANBU. It drives me mad when people use mild swear words in front of children. I have a friend who says bloody all the time. I have mentioned casually (luckily we are very good friends) that she maybe does use it a bit too much. I also have another friend who swears quite a bit (not fuck etc, but piss and crap). Its just that I don't want this stuff to come out of a 2 year olds mouth.

I'm just waiting for the day my DS comes out with it unfortunately.

Coldhands · 30/03/2010 09:17

SirBoob there was also nothing worng with a bit of background to your post, and I too see bloody as a swear word. Its not something I would say in front of my nan.

4andnotout · 30/03/2010 09:23

Bloody is hardly hardcore is it?

Coldhands · 30/03/2010 09:27

Is it really something you want to hear yong children saying?

4andnotout · 30/03/2010 09:54

The young child wasn't saying it though was he. I swear but my children don't, they know it's for adults. I don't understand all this judginess at the moment, is there nothing more to life than judging all the mums in the street and then racing home to post about it on mn so everyone can agree how much better they are at parenting

hairymonkey · 30/03/2010 10:28

Hang my head in shame, but I've called ds1 a little bugger loads of times, it just slips out, and always in a jokey light hearted way, not sure if that just makes it worse!
never swear at him when he's naughty, got the feeling I'm painting myself into a corner.
Sure all Mums in playground think I'm hideous.

DandyLioness · 30/03/2010 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MathsMadMummy · 30/03/2010 10:43

YANBU. I've heard plenty worse though.

I wonder if it's the parents who talk to their kids like that who will, in a few years time, be the ones wondering why their kids are rude, always answering back to them etc.

izzybiz · 30/03/2010 10:45

My SIL was dropping her Dd off at primary school the other day and heard another mother telling her Ds to get out of the car, when he didn't get out quick enough she said to him "just wait till you get home later you fucking freak"

Sadly some children live like this all the time

I am not a saint and I do swear at times (Dc don't) but I find it really horrid when people call their Dc "names" it strikes me as a spiteful thing to do.

Op YANBU.

CinnabarRed · 30/03/2010 10:47

Was mortified when DS (2.4) said "crap". Was about to have a quiet word with his lovely childminder (as was pretty sure he wouldn't have heard the word at home), when DP realised that he was talking about the crabs he'd seen at the SeaLife centre at the weekend....

Abundantia · 30/03/2010 10:52

Of course you don't speak to little ones like that. Anyway why isn't she teaching him about the 4 second rule?

Jackstini · 30/03/2010 10:59

YANBU - name calling and swearing, (albeit mild) is not a nice way to speak to a child, which is all you were asking.
QueenThistle - are you still friends with this person??? I woudn't be going near her.

MathsMadMummy · 30/03/2010 12:19

Abundantia - it's 5 seconds here

Original poster

SirBoobAlot · 30/03/2010 12:35

Abundantia! Its ten seconds here... Though its generally more a case of Get To It Before The Dog...

OP posts:

2old4thislark · 30/03/2010 12:56

5 seconds unless it's chocolate and then it's Ok to stretch it to 24 hours

Seriously, YANBU though. This is no way to speak to a children. It makes you wonder what goes on behind closed doors.

Journey · 30/03/2010 13:23

I don't get the point of posts like these. Of course it isn't a nice way to speak to a child. Why does the op have to ask when it is so obvious?

TheCatAteMyGymsuit · 30/03/2010 13:31

Quite, Journey.
Yes, the tramp thing is not the nicest thing to say but gosh what a non event.
Maybe the other mums were on their phones because baby group is so damn boring?

MarianneD · 30/03/2010 13:38

YANBU and I do find it really sad the way I here some people speaking to their kids.

Iklboo · 30/03/2010 13:42

That'd be practically a term of endearment where we live. I've heard mothers calling their children fcking little cnts before now.

teaandcakeplease · 30/03/2010 13:55

YANBU - I think tramp isn't nice either tbh as well as bloody. It seemed a bit harsh to call such a young child that. I'd have just said "yuck, it's dirty, don't eat that now"

FWIW it is helpful, especially on a AIBU thread to put background in, before people make too big an assumption about them or you etc IMO

You sound perfectly normal to me OP It does take time to settle into a playgroup as others have said.

iamreallysilly · 30/03/2010 14:19

I would agree that its not a nice way to talk to ur DC's & i'd prob not have much time for a mum who spoke to their child like that. Would be civil but would make no extra attempt to be friends. When my DS was little, i used to go to these kind of groups for a bit of company and if met like minded people poss friendship but did make the mistake in past of assuming just cos u have same age kids, u will get along/be able to be friends. Think it was the new mum 'brain fog' cos would never assume anything like that in other circumstances. Basically saying- u don't have to be all be friends just cos all in same M&Baby group

Abundantia · 30/03/2010 17:10

Actually we extend to the 10 second rule too ... I just didn't want to be judged .

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