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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to be scared to approach another mum to try to organise a playdate?

31 replies

FickleFairy · 29/03/2010 20:50

So here is my problem. I have lots of close friends who I am really good at keeping in touch with but I am crap at making new friends cause I simply can't do the initial small talk type thing. Myself and DH have never been the type of people to come back off holiday having made new "friends for life" like some of our other friends do as we simply avoid talking to strangers at all costs. I can feel another "Am I being unreasonable..." post coming on

All my close friends have children but they are either a couple of years older than DS, who is 3, or they are babies so can't really play at the moment. So he has no friends as such to play with on normal days and I feel so sorry for him despite me spending a lot of time playing with him.

He goes to a Private Day nursery two days a week and the staff there tell me he gets on famously with another child in particular. I have passed his mum in the cloak rooms on the very odd occasion but we mostly don't bump into each other due to different drop off and collection times.

For months, literally, I have thought I should maybe leave a short note with my number with the nursery staff to pass to her but I don't want to put her under any pressure as she may already have a group of friends with children of a similar age and not need the company for her DS, also I think it might make it awkward if we bump into each other and she hasn't contacted me.

Any thoughts on firstly, if this is an ok thing to do and secondly what I should put on the note?

Thanks

OP posts:
ruddynorah · 29/03/2010 20:58

i was a bit like this but found i'd make friends with dd's friends' mums at birthday parties.

more recently though dd has been going on about wanting this particular girl to come over to play, but i have no idea who her mum is. so i did the note thing. i just said

'my dd was wondering if your dd would like to come over to our house to play one afternoon. feel free to drop her off or stay for coffee, whichever you'd prefer. my number is ...... if you'd like to see if we can arrange something. norah.'

she then text back yes easy peasy!

dilemma456 · 29/03/2010 21:05

Message withdrawn

Vinomum · 29/03/2010 21:05

Well, if I was in the shoes of the other mum I'd be chuffed to get a note like that. I've got lots of friends with children of DS's age but I would never say no to any more!

I think you should go for it.

ChippingIn · 29/03/2010 21:06

Stop being such a dafty.

Of course it's an OK thing to do!! It's a normal thing to do as well

Use Norah's Note - in fact there really should be a printed version of it in the shops!! (like Birthday invitations).

Oh and before you start worrying about what it means if she 'drops & runs' - probably that she relishes a little 'time out' and has nothing to do with you!

We actually collected several kids (on different days) from nursery (they just told the teacher I'd be taking x home as well that day), without having really even met the parents first. I know plenty on here would be shocked at that - but there you go, the world is still spinning!!

CMOTdibbler · 29/03/2010 21:11

I'd love for someone to leave a note like that. A mobile no or email address makes it easy for them to reply. If they don't, don't take it personally - could be lots of reasons

Original poster
FickleFairy · 29/03/2010 21:14

Thank you!!

I am going to be brave and do it tomorrow and I will absolutely use "Norah's Note?"

OP posts:
ruddynorah · 29/03/2010 21:17

do i need to go on dragon's den with "Norah's Note?" ???

RedTartanLass · 29/03/2010 21:21

Just want to agree with Nora's note, I too would be dead chuffed if I got a note like that and as CMOTdibbler says don't worry if she doesn't get back to you! Lets us know how you got on.

taffetacat · 29/03/2010 21:23

Yes, go for it.

You could maybe suggest a neutral zone eg park/playground if the weather is nice.

Original poster
FickleFairy · 29/03/2010 21:27

It is written and by DS's nursery bag all ready for tomorrow morning.

I shall return with an update.

Thanks for the confidence boost

OP posts:
fallon8 · 29/03/2010 21:31

she is probably feeling the same way too! the worse that can happen is she will make an excuse and not come, but I'm sure that wont happen

Original poster
FickleFairy · 30/03/2010 15:05

Woo Hoo!

I have had a reply already.

Saying she was really pleased to get the note and her son would love to come and play and she is always in need of coffee!

Thank you for making me be brave!

OP posts:
DuckyCukker · 30/03/2010 15:07

Message deleted

chitchat07 · 30/03/2010 15:19

Oh well done! It is hard, isn't it?! Am sure you'll have a great time as by her response she sounds lovely.

minouminou · 30/03/2010 15:27

Good for you.
It's a numbers game, really....send out 10 invites and you'll get some yesses, some maybes and some "we're busy" answers.
Try it with some others, and don't be discouraged when you get the latter two - it's not personal.

Hullygully · 30/03/2010 15:29

Norah's Note v gd.

Trademark it quyick, Norah

Condensedmilkaddict · 30/03/2010 15:33

Yay Ficklefairy!

Great news!

Now you have to come back and tell us how the play date went.

GinSlinger · 31/03/2010 07:13

I think this is a fantastic thread for showing what could appear to be a relatively low level of support has made a great difference to the OP.

So, take that any naysayers and nasty types who criticise MN - or forums and internet support generally.

I know that I struggled with absolutely the same things when my DCs were small. Back in those days you had to write to Marj Proops and wait 3 months for a reply by which point you'd found 23 new things to worry about

Bucharest · 31/03/2010 07:38

Brilliant!

I am like this too, IRL, even though gobby mare on here, and dd has been hassling me for months about inviting New Best Friend round and I've been humming and aaahing. I shall now use Norah's Note too!

Hope the playdate goes well!

ruddynorah · 31/03/2010 17:31

well the most odd thing has happened today..

i went to pick up dd from nursery as normal, and there on her peg was a note!! it was like a pre printed party invite but it just said 'to play.' i am amazed! either a delightful coincidence or one of you ladies will have the pleasure of me and dd's company in a couple of weeks

RedTartanLass · 31/03/2010 22:11

Good news Ficklefairy

Original poster
FickleFairy · 01/04/2010 09:42

Oh Norah that must be a Play Date Card!

My mate was telling me all about them and insisting I got some and when I saw them I just had to order some.

Some would say they are totally pretentious. For me, it was an excuse to purchase totally fabulous stationary which I am a bit of a sucker for! Whether I will actually ever pluck up the courage to hand them out in case another mother thinks I have more money than sense (I haven't!) is a different matter!

OP posts:
ruddynorah · 01/04/2010 12:43

Play Date Card??! goodness me! so i can't go on dragon's den with my note then

fishingboat · 01/04/2010 14:01

I am always afraid to askpeople round to play it's the fear of geeting a NO, BUT THIS THREAD HAS INSPIRED ME, will defiantly be giving it a go.

Original poster
FickleFairy · 01/04/2010 15:02

Said Play Date Card -

www.honeytreepublishing.com/play-date-cards-cid24.html

OP posts:
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