Dp said we could not afford to buy a house I excepted this but found out he went to bank to discuss a mortagage but did not tell me

[hubbamamma]

he has not told me why he went to bank, my frien told me I willl have a new house after all,however I have been sworn to keep schupp. what do you think?

I'd wait and see what he tells you, perhaps he was just making inquiries to see if it was possible. How does your friend know so much when you don't?

did he tell your friend that he discussed a mortgage?

His friend looked after our children why he went, the girlfriend told me.

I don't really think your friend should have told you - did he ask her not to? He probably wanted to check things out, without getting your hopes up.

I think this would all annoy me actually. You are a grown up not a little girl who shouldn't be getting her hopes up re a big present. This is a joint thing surely - seems to me he is rather patronising to you to do it this way.

ok, to give him the benefit of the doubt - maybe he went just to find out what the chances are...but even so it's a joint purchase so you should both have gone together.

EVEN if he is the main wage earner, your name should be on the mortgage and more importantly the deeds to the house....unless you think he's planning on buying it in his own name only?

'DP said we could not afford to buy a house - I accepted this'
so you hadn't done any of your own research but left it all to him?

if you want finances to be joint you need to take responsibility too
if you want to let him do it all then you forfeit the right to be told all the ins and outs

imo

Do you normally accept, unquestioningly, what your husband tells you? Or do you have any sort of say in the decisions that need making?

I just think he could see how much you wanted it so thought he'd pop along and see whether he was right or wrong in finding out whether it was feasible. He wouldn't have wanted to get your hopes up if it wasn't. It wouldn't bother me at all if my husband had done this.

I don't think it is a matter of being unquestioning...surely they have discussed this if this conclusion has been reached. Just because they have differing opinions doesn't automatically mean she is being downtrodden. The husband and I often have differing opinions on how 'flexible' our money is, and I'd always err on the side of caution whoever's opinion that was!