to want to buy a conservatory?

[SpiritualKnot]

This is going to sound like a stupid problem. Dh left me last week. Posted on here about it a few times. Now I have an urge to buy a conservatory. He always said we weren't to have one and I always told him that if he died I'd buy one and put up a plaque in it, in his memory-ha ha! Please note, this was always my money I was talking about, not his.

Anyway just getting some quotes in, the most expensive one has just come back to me (know it's most expensive as even the company say they are). Anyway, £12,800...can only afford £7,500 so am waiting for the other quotes. (Can afford £150 a month for 5 years..which works out as a £7500 loan).

I've mentioned it to a few people and they have been aghast at this really. Saying I'll need all the money I make now for other things? What other things? I've always paid for the house and bills and can't see where extra expenses might be?

Don't know whether my judgement is clouded as I'm emotionally all over the place at the moment. AIBU in wanting to splash out on something like this? If I don't do this, what else should I be focussing on?

SK

I'd be focussing on getting through the current upheaval. Which won't be assisted by committing yourself to a major project that you can't afford.

ditto pikelit....just get a few months under your belt.....if it helps start putting £150 a month away saving up and see how it affects you

I'd probably feel exactly the same way - it's a way of enjoying the ability you now have to please yourself. And it's perfectly reasonable and I think a good thing, to treat yourself to things when you're going through such an emotional upheaval.

If you've always paid for the house and bills and you think you can afford the repayments, why not? but there's no hurry. I'd suggest making all the plans and keeping it as a big treat to look forward to when things are more settled. Surely there will be 'buying out' to be done, do you have a joint mortgage? Are you aware do you think of all the possible financial implications there may be to your split?

I think it's probably your way (all sort of middle class and repressed) of sticking two fingers up at the wanker.

Go for it - you sit in your lovely conservatory and drink some Pimms in the summer

Yes, I can afford it. With Dh going, the monthly phone bill is likely to drop from £75 to more like £20 and I recently paid off a £120 a month loan I've had for 3 years, which means I'm going to be better off each month. Got used to not having that money.

Just don't know if it's the right thing to do psychologically if you see what I mean? Like you said Pikelet about all the upheaval, I feel like I'm trying to ignore it, coz if I focus on it I start crying and find it hard to stop, which I can't let my kids see.

Started packing some of his stuff away today and found his wedding ring (he had it cut off following a finger injury and didn't wear it again after that), that upset me, so it's hard to do anything round the house because of things like that. Then he turns up to see the kids, which throws me.

Anyway so I can afford the conservatory, just seen the comment by Cirrohis, thanks for that. We are just separating, he's rented a place for 6months initially, but we both feel as if that's the end really. Not sure how buying out works? Nor sure about at what stage that should happen ie soon as possible once we've decided it's a permanent split or when divorce proceeding start? Mortgage is in joint names but I pay it.

SK

well if you already pay the mortgage and all bills I would have thought you might be better off when divorced as there may be a contribution due to maintenance of the kids, from your ex.

Do you know what I'd do, I'd get yourself an initial appointment with a solicitor just to get the basic picture of what is likely to happen.....and if all looks good for you, then you go get that conservatory! As Laurie says, enjoy the odd glass of something in there in the summer and enjoy it! However you may need to bear in mind that I have always hankered after a conservatory so may not be giving un-biased advice

I'd say do it - I think it'll help you move on by focussing on the things you can now do which you couldn't whilst you were together. But don't do it right now - wait a bit and see how the finances pan out - if he's on the house deeds, then make sure you buy out his share before you do anything which will increase the value of the house - but even just planning out what you want to do and how you're going to pay for it/sit out in it drinking Pimms and watching the world go buy will give you something positive to focus on.

It's a more extravagent version of getting your hair died, or cut short, or a tattoo, or any of the things people do to reinvigorate themselves at the end of a relationship.

If you can afford it then yes go for it. Sounds great

"world go by" Duh!

Thanks Laurie

Going to go with that!! .

That was part of what I said to him when I said about getting a conservatory when he died, that I'd sit in it and raise a toast to his memory!

I'll wait for the other quotes to come in and go for the most economical and listen to him winge about how he can't have a TV coz he can't afford a TV licence.

Will arrange something with a Solicitor sometime next week Cirrohis, just a bit nervous about that as it starts to make it all feel a bit official, haven't even told my parents yet.

Thanks for the support!!!!!

SK

12800-7500 = 5800 short
phone bill reduction 75-20 = 55
Loan repayments now over = 120
120+55 = 175 to put away every month as Stoppinantwo suggests.
Hand it over in cash in 30 months. No wasted interest payments. Money to hand if you decide you would like to have a holiday instead, or your car explodes. Time to plan it to the nth degree before you buy it. Time to haggle and get a better bargain. Time to arrange purchase in the middle of winter when the fitters are desperate for customers.

Money + time = power

Not really enough money + sticking it to your DH = making yourself weak & vulnerable.

(XDH)

I like your thinking there Cat, thanks for that!

But the one I'll be going for will be the one at a max of £7,500, no more than that! The one at £12,800 is very nice, all high spec, but out of my budget and way overpriced. Think I can get the same for a lot less.

I've got 3 other quotes coming, so will wait and see which suits me best.

Thanks again

SK

November is the time to start waving the conservatory chequebook I reckon!

Psychologically, I think it's a great thing to do, doing something for yourself and a real mark of moving on and making the house your own.
Financially, it sounds like you feel comfortable with it, so that's fine. You can probably push these companies on the quotes a bit. Even the cheaper ones might knock off a bit off if you push them.

I like the advice on here about planning, saving and waiting for a bit - but I completely sympathise with your desire to make a rude symbolic gesture to him. Is there something else he disapproved of which is a bit cheaper and which you could do right away?

"Took your paintings off the wall
That one of me that you called doll
I added on 'cuz the house was feeling small"

• Sheryl Crow, It Don't Hurt.

Just thought of that song when I read the OP.

I think the sensible thing is to put the £150 a month a way in a savings account, and then wait untilt the Autumn when they'll be a sale on, if you still want to have a conservatory then, get it. It'll add value to your house, I read more than it actually costs if done right!

Hi Ladypeter,

Yes, I had a perm on Friday...really curly hair now, he liked it dead straight! I love it curly.

I'm going to put loads of family pictures back on the wall, coz he took them all down. Going to get the photo albums out of the garage for people to look at.

Going to get a rug for the sitting room , didn't have one as he didn't see the need.

Might even let the dog come in the house.

Re finances: I am going to start putting £100 a month aside as well as get the conservatory for any emergencies. I have got some money that I could use towards the deposit for the conservatory so may not need to borrow the full amount..will think about that. Don't know if I can wait until November as I'm keen to use it this summer.

SK