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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be overly sentimental about dd's birthday?

20 replies

Nemofish · 27/03/2010 21:26

I fully accept that I may, in fact, be unreasonable.

Dd is 4 next week. My parents are toxic to the point where they have never seen dd, and are never likely to (child protection ishoos). My lovely Mil and Fil are sadly no longer with us, so dd will get pressies and cards from me and dh. We have dsd(13), who has two sisters, who we are expected to cough up for pressies for 'from' dsd, and at Xmas too, but of course our dd gets neither in return. I was really hurt on dd's behalf this Xmas, but had to get over it.

I don't want to ask dsd if she wants to make dd a card, she is going away around dd's birtday so will miss it entirely anyway (we have to miss our weekends with her if it falls on one of her sisters birthdays) and fuck me I am bloody annoyed and feeling sorry for dd, who knows no better, that no other crap family member can ever be arsed even knowing she exists (I have uncles, aunties etc) let alone send her a cheap crappy card - which would probably touch me deeply and make me cry.

No-one cares! (Sob, whine!) Ashamed to say that I am not pg so no hormones to blame. Slpa me please.

OP posts:

Original poster

Nemofish · 27/03/2010 21:27

Slap even, but who knows, a 'slpa' may be more effective.

OP posts:

TottWriter · 27/03/2010 21:43

FWIW, I think your DD does deserve a bit more than she's getting from her extended family ATM. YANBU.

pigletmania · 27/03/2010 21:45

Aww dont worry, the fact that you love and care for her is the main thing, and as you say she is too young to know any different so dont worry. I gather your dh is the dad to these dsd so yes he should buy them presents at birthdays and christmas its only right. Your dsd is 13, teens hormones me me me (well usually)so dont expect her to think the same way as you. Most teens are not normally renound for their thoughtfullness, though there are exceptions of course as not all are like this.

pigletmania · 27/03/2010 21:49

Mabey you could talk to dh about his dds, as he is the father its up to him to talk to them about thisk and that when its your dd birthday they are expected to be around as its a family event. Mabey he could go shopping with them to choose a present for dd.

pigletmania · 27/03/2010 21:51

For the future you could also tell the dsd in advance that its dd birthday and that you are planning a party of whatever and that you expect them to be there for it. You and your dh have to be firm really.

compo · 27/03/2010 21:54

well i expect my two to make a fuss of their sibling on birthdays and they are 5 and 3 so I don;t get why your sept children can't do the same tbh

toomuchmum · 27/03/2010 21:55

Your not being unreaonable at all, your being emotional, its your daughter so thats allowed.

My kids have no real grandparents to speak of, my dear mum is dead and the others really are not bothered. I often feel hard done by.

I cried when my wee girl(3) told me about the imaginary granny she had. I felt so sorry for her and rather pathetically, me!

Feel sorry, but remember she has parents who think the world of her, so she is a lucky girl.

ConnieComplaint · 27/03/2010 21:55

Ni, I'm getting from the OP, that her partner is father to one of the children, but that the dsd has sisters which aren't his - am I right?

In that case then dh shouldn't have to but their presents from dsd.

But... your dh should be saying to dsd, here's a fiver, go & buy dd something, she is your sister after all... sort of letting her see that as she buys for her other siblings, she should also buy for your dd.

ConnieComplaint · 27/03/2010 21:56

Ni = No

darkandstormy · 27/03/2010 21:59

You are all that matters to your dd,put the emphasis on you and her having a great day,sod the rest of them,it is their loss.Have a good day, my ds was 4 the other week, he is really becoming his own little person as I am sure your daughter is big hugs to both of you.

pigletmania · 27/03/2010 22:24

Of course your dh tell his daughter that its her sisters birthday and give her some money to buy a nice present and card for her. The other two sisters of the step daughter, are are not related to your dd, they are your dhs ex partners children from a different relationship, so should not be expected to contribute.

pigletmania · 27/03/2010 22:25

Spoil her rotten, make a fuss of her and get her some lovely pressies and enjoy your dd and the day sod the rest of em.

Original poster

Nemofish · 27/03/2010 22:47

Conniecomplaint you are right, dsd's sisters are not related to dh. We don't mind getting them pressies and stuff as they are dsd's sisters and she loves them, it just pisses me off seeing my dd getting 'shortchanged' if you will.

However I guess it's not an ideal world, knickers to them and me, dh and dd will have a lovely day.

Fuck it, I'm going to make a dinosaur cake (dino crazy dd!)

OP posts:

pigletmania · 27/03/2010 23:46

Enjoy! How old are youre dsd sisters btw?

Original poster

Nemofish · 27/03/2010 23:58

They are 9 and 7, pigletmania.

Feel quite pleased now cos dh has mentioned to dsd that if dd got a card from her, she would be thrilled, as it will be the only one she'll get! Hope dd remembers for next week (heaven knows my memory was shite at that age)

OP posts:

pigletmania · 28/03/2010 00:04

Oh ok Nemo, they are still quite young, I know that i would not have had a clue at that age. My dad had to buy my mothers day pressies and mums birthday pressies for me at that age, I would never have thought of it come to think of it I never would have rmemberd had it not been for dad, a lot of kids are like that so please dont take it personally. Mabey you can get them to make her a card, far better than a shop one. Dont read too much into it, kids can be really fickle and do not always think. There are probably many MNetters who might say otherwise, but I personally know some kids of that age and know that they would need reminding from an adult and mabey adult imput into buying card and pressie

pigletmania · 28/03/2010 00:06

and as the other two sisters mum is your dh ex and have different father to your dsd than who is going to remind them, dont think that the mum will imo.

pigletmania · 28/03/2010 00:09

I think that its great that your dh has reminded your dsd to get a card, mabey he might give her a bit of money for a pressie too. dont worry about the other two sisters enjoy your dd birthday ahve a fantastic day.

Original poster

Nemofish · 28/03/2010 00:16

I would never expect owt from dsd's sisters, we are not their family really.

Dh will give dsd some cash, but yes I agree a home made one is far better! I might make dd a card myself...

Thanks again pigletmania, I will eat all the cake have a great day, just the three of us and the dog!

OP posts:

pigletmania · 28/03/2010 11:59

Thats good Nemo stop worrying and enjoy a very happy birthday to your dd btw

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