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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being difficult or should the school be able to co-ordinate these events better?

32 replies

lisbey · 27/03/2010 20:23

DS1 is in Junior school, DS2 yr2 in the connected infants.

A couple of weeks ago, I got a letter from the juniors giving me 6 days notice of a meeting with the junior school head regarding DS2 starting there in Sept. I wrote back to explain I was very sorry, I couldn't go, but I was already committed to numeracy trail with DS2 in the infants at the exact time and date.

Yesterday, I got a letter inviting me to another meeting, this coming Weds at 9:15, but on the same day I am also expected to attend DS1s presentation assembly at 2:30. Apart from the short notice making it difficult to get time off work anyway, to go to both, I will arrive at work c. 11am and then have to leave again by 1:30 to get to the assembly.

People at work say they do it deliberately, because they don't really want us to turn up, but they have to run these events for their ofstead scores. Both events in the same school on the same day and they must know that some parents will have children involved in both.

OP posts:

cyb · 27/03/2010 20:29

YAB unreasonable. How can a school with hundreds of children please everyone? And as for a school deliberately scheduling appointments at tricky times, how are they supposed to know what your working day is like?

YABVU

TottWriter · 27/03/2010 20:29

FWIW, I think YANBU, though my DS is under 2 still and I don't have a lot of knowlege about how schools usually work. I would have thought that connected schools could copy each other in on intended event dates so as not to do that to parents though.

cyb · 27/03/2010 20:30

Its part of being a parent with more than 1 child..you can't attend everything you want to.

Original poster

lisbey · 27/03/2010 20:37

I don't think they need to know much about my working day to know that two things on the same day, at opposite ends of the school day is likely to be difficuly and with less than a week's notice too?

I don't especially want to be at either event - but do make every effort to go to show support for the school. They don't make it easy though.

OP posts:

RustyBear · 27/03/2010 20:42

I work at a junior school with a 'linked' primary - they have separate heads and are on a different site, about 200 yards away.
We do coordinate major stuff like parents' evenings, but I'm afraid you really can't expect a school not to have an event just because there may be an event at another school on the same day. It's difficult enough trying to arrange events around our own commitments without having to check up on another school's diary every time.

Galena · 27/03/2010 20:44

If they are separate infant and junior schools, you will find they struggle to communicate every little detail. It can be difficult coordinating things such as INSET days, let alone numeracy trails and assemblies - which are pretty minor things, all things considered.

Frustrating, yes. Unreasonable on the schools' parts, no.

YABU. Sorry.

Original poster

lisbey · 27/03/2010 20:44

These are both in the same school Rusty.

OP posts:

seeker · 27/03/2010 20:46

I don't think that the schools can plan their timetables around the needs of individual parents!

Clary · 27/03/2010 20:55

Oh please.

So they reschedule the meeting at a time when you don't have anything else on at the other school - and it's still no good?

Sorry but how can the school arrange things to suit you and everyone else?

YABU I am afraid. I am sure they would love you to come to the events etc.

Are they the same school btw or an infant and junior school? If there is a "junior school head" then they are separate schools.

I agree with Galena - you cannot imagine how many meetings and events and parents' evenings and inset days and theatre visits and trips out etc etc schools have to schedule.

IMO if an inf and junoior manage to co-ordinate parents' eves for different weeks, inset days for the same day and the PTAs get together to avoid a clash for the Christmas fair then they are doing pretty well. Add in assemblies and meetings etc etc and I am afraid you are asking the impossible.

RustyBear · 27/03/2010 20:57

Ok, sorry, but 'connected school' did sound as if it was a different but linked school.

Even so, there are often times when our upper school team (y5&Y6) and lower school team(Y3&Y4) may end up doing things on the same day, simply because it is sometimes difficult to fit everything in. If that happened, we would probably put one in the morning and one in the afternoon, partly so that parents with children in both teams could attend both, but also because if the events need extra help from TAs they be 'borrowed' from the other team. For example we had a 'Mums into School' day on the Friday before Mothers' day, when mums were invited into the Lower school in the morning & Upper school in the afternoon but of course it did mean they would have to have more time off work.

Original poster

lisbey · 27/03/2010 21:02

The children at are different schools, but both the events this week are in the Junior school.

OK I'm being unreasonable, but there's no way I can be at both, so which is most important? Being at DS1's presentation assembly, where I've no idea if he will even be involved, but which as I knew about that one 2 weeks ago, I've already promised to go to, or DS2's settling into Junior school session?

OP posts:

Clary · 27/03/2010 21:12

Ah, well, which is more important is a hard qu to answer.

Is the assembly a golden book one where the DC get awards etc? If so is it a termly thing or more/less often?

The jnr school meeting sounds as if it might be more important tbh, except that if you have a DC there already it might not tell you anything new? Why not ask the school which they think?

androbbob · 27/03/2010 21:24

Our school are rubbish at giving notice of things, but if it involves parents going to assembly etc it is at 9.05am or 3pm, so easier to fit into a working day (unless you have to go to both!).

Got a letter on a friday pick up time about a merit badge in assembly the following monday - just as well I dont work Mondays otherwise it would have been a quick phonecall at 8am to the boss!

porcamiseria · 27/03/2010 21:58

just take a days holiday, then work cannot say anything?

Armi · 27/03/2010 22:23

'People at work say they do it deliberately, because they don't really want us to turn up'

Yes, that's right...schools (and teachers) are just there to piss you off. It's our raison d'etre. It's the only reason we all get up in the morning. Staff briefing always starts with the question, 'Ok, so what can we do to make life as difficult as possible for parents?' Closely followed by 'Right, so how can we wreck the education/lives of the children in our care?'

Once we've got all that sorted we just sit round sipping cocktails and reading Hello magazine and waiting for our next holiday to turn up.

gerontius · 27/03/2010 22:33

You forgot having fun in the snow. That's why you had those snow days isn't it?

Armi · 27/03/2010 22:42

How could I forget the snow days? Naturally, they were just engineered to inconvenience parents as much as possible and to ensure we teachers enjoyed the maximum amount of time doing absolutely nothing, which, let's face it, is what we try and do all the time...

(My school didn't close at all for snow...but we just did that to piss the parents off who thought we would be closed, of course.)

I tell you, teaching's a hoot. You should all try it.

Condensedmilkaddict · 28/03/2010 06:30

YANBU.

My children's school always schedules events for parents after 5 pm - usually at 6pm for this very reason.

And presentation assemblies are all first thing in the morning, so that parents can attend and then go on to work a bit late.

Most parents work nowadays, so scheduling a meeting at 2 on a weekday is ridiculous IMHO.

RustyBear · 28/03/2010 08:25

Condensedmilk - when we have meetings in the evenings parents complain because they have to get childcare. When we have them during the day they complain because they are at work.

Often it is the same parents....

Original poster

lisbey · 28/03/2010 19:05

Would it help if teachers remembered that the parents are actually their customers....? In every other job you have to arrange things to suit your customer....OK I'm going now

OP posts:

lollyhop2girls · 28/03/2010 20:06

Lisbey, I kind of think you are half being un reasonable and half not.

I am constantly frustrated at the way the schools plan things at inconvenient times. But whether they can actually do anything about it Im not sure of because I dont work in the environment.

I think that most teaches have only known an academic environment and so maybe they dont have complete empathy for the working parent.. Meaning working in the 9-5 office sense of the word (HA! 9-5 is a bit of a joke these days more like 8-6 on a good day but hey ho)

I always feel like Im entering another universe when I go to the school. Grown ups calling eachother 'Mrs' and being spoken to like a criminal by the receptionist if I got stuck in traffic and got the kids in late! But they'd feel like that in my office im sure.

However we all have out own gripes and annoyances over people who dont appear to appreciate our needs. Teachers feel the parents dont 'get it' and visa versa.

Thats just human nature I think.

So maybe my advice would be, grin and bear it. Moan to your colleagues and hubby but accept thats how its always going to be.

All the understanding aside, Armi - Im a bit concerned to hear that a teacher feels such loathing towards parents... I may be wrong but your speach sounded liek a well rehearsed one and in troubles me to think that my childrens teachers would feel such away about yes, essentially their customers...

Good luck Lisey, Im off to plan in my diary for two parents evenings, weekly dance show rehersals, a swimming awards evenings, an 11th birthday party, a PTA event and a visit form the in laws in April.. gotta find some time to our in my 48 hour work week too! ;)

Looking forward to my 7 weeks off in the summer... Oh no wait, thats not me!

xxxxx

thisisyesterday · 28/03/2010 20:09

actually i don't think the OP is unreasonable at all.

it seems crazy to me that a school would schedule 2 different meetings or events at the same time on the same day when they must know that a proportion of parents will need to go to both.

RustyBear · 28/03/2010 20:39

Actually lisbey, unless it's a private school, then the parents are not the customers.
The children are.

And, thisisyesterday, the OP is actually now complaining because the school has scheduled the two different events at different times on the same day...

thisisyesterday · 28/03/2010 20:40

oh yes, i'd missed that bit!

the answer, op, is to take the day off work and attend both.

Original poster

lisbey · 28/03/2010 21:18

LOL That would be nice, but I get 21 days' holiday a year....

OP posts:

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