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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

8yr old and make-up

23 replies

nubbins · 26/03/2010 16:43

Help!

DD(8) has just emerged from her room having done her makeup. She has a club tonight, it doesn't really matter that she wears a little make-up, but she looks awful. Blue eyeshadow, pink cheeks like she has been slapped and all looks really greasy. It's cheap make up that she has been given for birthdays etc.

am I being unreasonable to make her wash it off? I think there will be tears if I do, but wil there be tears if she goes out and her friends see her looking like that?!

Don't usually post over here, but in need of quick responses!

OP posts:

soapboxqueen · 26/03/2010 16:46

Tell her to wash it off. For her own sake and because she is too young. She may cry and be angry at you but sometimes you have take the fall for the greater good.

LaurieFairyCake · 26/03/2010 16:46

At that age I would exclaim "goodness you look lovely, let me just tidy it up for you and then you and I will sit down another day and I will show you some tips".

If she was older i would get her to wash it off - dd (aged 11.5) is not allowed make-up at all as I have views on it.

At that age though it's more obviously just 'play'.

Pikelit · 26/03/2010 16:47

YANBU. I hate make up on little girls.

But to save face (sorry!) with her friends, can you get her to wash the greasy layers off and help her reapply a very discreet touch of make-up? As a special "going to club" thing so she doesn't get the idea that make-up is for going out in routinely.

Angelcat666 · 26/03/2010 16:47

Well if you're not objecting to the make up per se, maybe you could mention that she's overdone it a bit and suggest she washes it off. Then offer to help her apply some more.

KeithTalent · 26/03/2010 16:55

In my house 8 and 6 yr old dds have make up inside only- no one leaves the house with it on!

Just say "make up comes of before club", no fuss, them's is the rules.

MillyR · 26/03/2010 16:56

DD is 8 and likes makeup. She is not allowed to wear it outside of the house. She seems content with this rule.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 26/03/2010 16:58

I think Keith's idea is best. If it's for play, then it stays in the house. And if she clearly knows that she just never goes out with it on, there's no room for upset or fuss. I think you have to lay clear groundrules on this one.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 26/03/2010 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SeasideLil · 26/03/2010 17:03

I agree with the 'make-up' is for play stance, that's what I say. Is is really only the application you object to? It's all very well saying 'oh, the sexualisation of young girls is terrible' but it will only stop when people don't allow their children out in adult type make-up and clothes (I seem to be a lone voice with the hating high-heeled shoes for girls, everyone appears to have them, so I probably stand alone on that one).

SeasideLil · 26/03/2010 17:07

Although I have to say my secret weapon is that my DD1 is allergic to all make-up (as well as shampoo, hair products etc) so this can't arise as she knows now that even face painting or stage make-up for ballet (which is gross anyway) is out unless she wants swollen and rashy eyes. She's the pale one at the back...

muggglewump · 26/03/2010 17:13

Take it off and help her put some on nicely, and discretely.

I have an 8yr old too who loves make up, but she's only allowed free reign at home, if she's going to a party or such, I apply it for her.

NK5c74826eX126faefc14d · 26/03/2010 17:45

No you're not. And yes it does matter that she wears a little make up. Make up on children is just horrible and completely inappropriate. Just because they 'love it' doesn't mean it's ok. Where will it end - make up on 3 year olds??

oliviacrumble · 26/03/2010 18:20

I can't believe 8yo's are wearing makeup! Have a dd who's 8 and wouldn't dream of allowing her to.

And none of her friends wear any either. Or high-heels for that matter.

Am a bit tbh!

MillyR · 26/03/2010 18:23

I have never seen a young child in heels but read this story in the Metro, so it must be common somewhere in the UK.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1260013/Olivia-Story-lost-legs-meningitis-child-prosthetics-allowin g-wear-heels.html

muggglewump · 26/03/2010 19:03

One of DD's friends has heeled school shoes.
We saw them when buying DD's summer shoes a couple of weeks ago.
DD wanted them, I said no, not a chance, never ever, and no.
She got the flats, and I wouldn't let her have the ballet pumps either, she got the mary jane type, with a strap over.

She did have those plastic toy heels when she was younger, but the novelty wore off after a week or two and she won't be having more heels for a few years.

I really don't mind make up though.
When she wears it for a party I apply it, and we're talking barely noticeably eye shadow, blusher and pink lipgloss, though you can notice the glitter. She insists on lots of that.
I let her play with my old make up at home. She usually looks like Eddie Izzard if his Mum had mated with Crusty the Clown.
It's hilarious!

MeMudmagnet · 26/03/2010 19:23

My DD(11) put make up on when she was getting ready for Guides the other night.
I told her to wash it off. She stomped off like Kevin the teenager

I don't mind her playing with make up, she actually puts it on quite nicely now. But she's not going out looking like a tart.

AliGrylls · 26/03/2010 19:28

No you're not being unreasonable. Gird your loins and have faith that you are in the right. There's nothing worse than an 8 year old looking like coco the clown.

brimfull · 26/03/2010 19:31

8 is way too young to be allowed makeup except for fancy dress
I would put my foot down on this one.

TottWriter · 26/03/2010 20:40

SeasideLil - you're not alone; my mum was the same. I had to wear one inch heels in my teens because I have joint problems, but they were 'sensible' heels, IYKWIM. Makeup and anything other than plain stud earrings (after I got my ears pierced aged ten) was out - and earrings were not worn at school.

I grumbled a bit at the time, but even in my teens I could see the benefits, and actually thought very little of the girls who would sit donig each others' makeup and straightening hteir hair at lunchtime when I was at secondary school.

If my bump turns out to be a DD and not another DS, I will be enforcing similar standards.

I had a 'toy' make up kit at home, but it was only worn in the house. Then my brother got hold of it and used it all on himself (he was 4 and trying to copy me I assume, but achieved a typical warpaint effect) and it was gone. I can't say I was fussed after the first couple of days when I was 'devastated'.

OP, what did you do in the end?

omaoma · 26/03/2010 21:07

i would have thought, if the make-up was that badly applied, that her friends/classmates would have made some unflattering comments themselves? happened to me as an over-eager 10 year old. definitely at 8 it's too young to wear 'real makeup' - i strongly disagree with posters saying 'show her some tips/put it on more subtlely'. She's 8. she doesn't need makeup which is about enhancing looks/being sexually attractive/hiding blemishes; giving her 'adult' tips is just starting to make her feel she 'needs' makeup. Prob secondary school is the point at which you start losing that battle but in primary school - make-up is definitely dress up and play only.

janeite · 26/03/2010 21:12

Absolutely no to make up unless for fancy dress imho. Dd1 is 15 and has been wearing it since 13; dd2 is 12 and doesn't wear it. There is no way on this earth I would have let them out of the house agaed 8 wearing makeup, tears or no.

Original poster

nubbins · 26/03/2010 21:29

Well, club has come and gone.

I gently wiped off most of it by saying that it was a bit smudged, she then disappeared off and came back with it all back on, so I told her to wash it off because it was too much and I would apply some for her.

Me applying it consisted of brushing various makeup brushes on her eyes and cheeks without loading them first, and then a slick of chapstick. She was happy at this.

It's not unusual to see little girls with makeup and heels on these days, and I don't like it at all. But my DD and those in her class are all getting concerned with their appearances now, it is so sad. I refuse to buy her heels, she doesn't have her ears peirced and the make-up usually is just for play. I really don't get why she thinks looks are very important, I hardly ever wear make-up and am really not one to fuss about how I look. We don't have a TV, and she is more into books than magazines, so there really is very little influence from the media to make her like it. It must all come from friends!

p.s. there were other girls at her club with makeup on tonight!

OP posts:

TottWriter · 26/03/2010 21:38

LOL at your deceptive solution. Very sneaky!

It doesn't surprise me that there were other girls with makeup though. Although I was never that bothered about it growing up, I can clearly remember being in the brownies etc. and observing the clique of girls who chattered about makeup and girly clothes. I think the only reason I escaped was that I was very unpopular and did my playing outside of school with my little sister.

When I got to secondary school there was a similar pattern of the girls who fussed about their appearance being the ones who had lots of friends. I would guess that one or two girls have a somewhat older sister, and these girls initiate the makeup craze. Peer pressure then takes over. Not always to a ridiculous degree mind; most of the girls in my class were fairly restrained, but it was only my small group of friends (and we were a collective of 'unpopular kids') who didn't seem fussed at all.

I'd say it bodes well that at 8 your DD stil prefers books to magazines. I know by that age there were several of my contemporaries who were crazy about girly magazines and boybands that featured in them (child of the 90s, can you tell? ).

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