or rather is SIL being unreasonable?

[notsoteenagemum]

Dd is going to be a flower girl for SIL, who lives 6 hours away but getting married at the end of June here.
Despite the distance she is back at least twice a month.

Dd is returning in about 2 hours from a four day residential trip with school, after she got back last year she cried, as she had been homesick, had a shower, then fell asleep.

SIL want's to choose the shoes, hair ornaments and for dd to have a trial hair style all of which I am having to pay for, as soon as she returns.

She has just phoned and asked me to meet her at the hairdressers when I have dropped dd's stuff off.

I offered to meet tomorrow morning instead but she is having a pre hen night, hen night tonight so doesn't want to get up early. (lucky me her ds is staying with us tonight.)

Sounds as though she is BU - she could have done it another time, not linked it all in with your DD's trip. However, your DD is a year older now than her last trip, so probably won't be as sad or tired as she was last year, so it might be ok.

I don't think you should have to pay for her trial hairstyle though!

Why is she having a pre-hen night now? Its a bit early really isnt it?

I would tell her your dd will be in no mood to be sat still at a hairdressers & it will be a complete waste of time & you will have to rearrange it for a more convenient time/day all round.

How old is your dd?

She probably doesn't realise how exhausted children are after a residential trip. How old is your dd?

I think you should tell your SIL what happened last time your dd was on a school trip and tell her that you will see what happens, but you can't promise that you'll be there if your dd doesn't want to be. It might be that your dd loves the idea and wants to go, but I definitely think your dds interests come before SILs wedding.

I'm wondering is, although she is NORMALLY back twice a month if that will be cut down inn the run up to the wedding, hence the pre-hen night quite so early...

And she definately doesn;t release how tired DD will be

she is bu & needs to accept that itll have to be @ a good time for dd

The pre-hen night thing started off as an evening to plan her hen-night, and opportunity for those who couldn't make it, like me (as it is way too expensive and I don't get term time leave)to have a night out, although I am baby-sitting now anyway.

Dd is 9 and she did seem less worried about going this time, although she was still in floods of tears the night before and when I said goodbye.

I don't want sil to think I am being awkward as I have had problems with other aspects of the wedding, e.g am having to have two sick days just to go to it as it is mid-week and term time, which I am not best pleased about.

in the end, it's about your DD and how she feels - if she feels up to it, good on her - if she's too tired then you'll have to ring SIL and say sorry you can't make it, have to do it another time. Let's face it, a grouchy tired 9yo in a hairdressers isn't going to be a barrel of fun for your SIL anyway, is it!

Your last sentence tells me that your SIL obviously doesn't consider anyone else, so sod her and think of your daughter!

I would tell her it will have to be some other time, you have plenty of time before the wedding.

I'm guessing that your SIL does not have children and IMO is BVU.

so who has booked the hair dressers apt? was this not spoken about beforehand, or has sil booked it and just told you?

She does jenduff I have a gorgeous nearly 1yo nephew, who I am looking after tonight and for the first week of their honeymoon.

If it wasn't for the fact I love having him I probably wouldn't be as compliant as I have been.

She booked and told me her plans, but not any particular day and as she said she would be back until wednesday and as I had told her about dd's trip I assumed she wouldn't have chosen today.

then she is being completely selfish and tbh it would serve her right if your DD doesn't feel up to it.

Id just tell her no tbh, Im more than sure your dd wont want to be sitting in another chair, while just having spent X-amount of time in one, and also will want to spend time with mummy x

Thanks all

I think I knew she was BU but it's nice to hear others agree and to have a moan

I think I will leave it up to dd and just hope she doesn't fancy it, especially as I'll have to take ds now as well, MiL is too busy looking after DN.

hi notsoteenagemum , i have seen some of your other threads i think on here , is it you that your sil swore your dd to secret about the colour of her dress ? anyway if your dd is too tired after her trip i would phone sil & say dd is feeling a little bit travel sick & needs to rest up & rearrange the hair for another day

Yes elmo she's the one, she also pixelled out the genitals on the dvd of her ds's 3d scan so only she could know the sex!

She is somewhat high maintenance!

lol - bridezilla comes to mind , id say bite your tongue but its probably bitten off by now sorry I'm not helping here , but seriously you need to speak up for yourself & your dd , tell her " actually no this is not convenient right now " and dont let her wind you up . good luck x

They were due back at 3, SiL phoned at ten past asking if we would be long!
The bus is delayed so we will sadly miss the hair appointmment.

Ha ha! that's just poetic justice, I feel.

What is a 'pre-hen'? Is one hen night not enough?

Oh, saw you'd explained it!