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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really annoyed with this comment and say I have had enough

20 replies

ilovecats · 25/03/2010 22:25

I have a 13 month old DD and ever since she was born, I have had conflict with my PIL and SIL. Because I didn't instantly agree that this baby would be everybody's baby, and because I am insisting that I would like to raise my child as I see fit- I have become a constant target for nasty and underhanded comments. I know my DD does not understand yet but I am sure the time when she does is not far off and I just think it is very wrong for her to listen to other people continually criticising me and just about everything I do.
Anyway, DP and I have decided to move to a different town, which will be about an hours drive away from PIL (currently live 5 minutes away). When we told them and said we had visited this town many times to look at houses etc, my MIL said: Thats why the baby is not walking because she has been stuck in the car all the time.'
Now in isolation, I could brush this off but this is just getting really silly and I am bored of just putting up with it. AIBU and what shall I do for the best?

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 25/03/2010 22:31

Have a serious talk with your DP. You're quite right, they should not be undermining and insulting you, especially in front of your DD. What does your DP say when he hears these comments?

I for one would like to be as far away from them as possible.

RJRabbit · 25/03/2010 22:33

And you didn't instantly reply to her "Oh, don't be so bloody ridiculous!"

You may find you get more respect from them, or they shut their mouths - either way you're a winner - if you start sticking up for yourself with some feisty replies.

monoid · 25/03/2010 22:34

At least you are moving further away - they will be less involved with life.

What are your DPs feelings about this? And does he stick up for you when his family are being insulting?

AlphabettiSpaghetti · 25/03/2010 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumdrivenmad · 25/03/2010 22:42

What did I do wrong then?? My DS's didn't walk before 14 and 15 months and my DD was 14 months too, yes she was bloody ridiculous, and you are right to be pissed off with her. Defo NBU

thecoffeelady · 25/03/2010 22:43

YANBU!

I consider myself very lucky to have my PIL just round the corner from us, but it would be terrible if we didn't get on.

No doubt you are wonderful mother and this women is an interfering old shrew. Concentrate on the good in your life and if you can ignore the old bag.

There is no way your MIL could say anything to make your DD doubt you. You are her Mummy and in her eyes you are perfect.

hmc · 25/03/2010 22:44

Completely agree with Rabbit - assert yourself

piscesmoon · 25/03/2010 22:50

I agree-assert yourself and don't put up with it. You don't have to be rude, just quietly tell her that it a ridiculous comment and change the subject.

tiredlady · 25/03/2010 22:50

Your DP needs to get involved. Tell him these comments piss you off and he needs to very publicly stand up for you, If they realise their snide comments are making him cross, they might think twice.

Of course, they won't stop thinking these things about you, but they may just shut up

Beegey · 25/03/2010 23:00

15 months is the average for walking. Stoopid cow, anyway. Drive yourselves far far away...

BooyhooNOTboohoooORbooyou · 25/03/2010 23:18

i couldn't have held my tongue and would have had to have answered with something sharp.

before i had ds1 i would have considered myself assertive. WRONG!!!!

it wasn't until people started butting in and telling me what i was doing wrong with him that i realised that i was his mum and i needed to let them all know that i was going to be raising him and they could all stick their unhelpful advice where they pleased.

i obviously didn't say that but i have learned how to be assertive when it comes to my children, i do, however, still have to remind myself on occasion when i get that feeling that someone is trying to walk over me.

Firawla · 26/03/2010 10:24

just straight away when they say the comment, like the other people said just tell them its ridiculous, or if they tell u to do something then just tell them no thanks ill do it my own way. any negative remarks just tell them you find it rude, if you put up with it they just do it more you have to let them know you wont take these comments. i get a lot of stupid comments from ILs too and i think it does help just to straight away respond like this, rather than stay quiet and let them think they are in charge of your child or think that they know better about your child.
I think you will probs be better off being that bit further away where they can bother you less if this is how they are
and btw my ds walked at 15 months ish and we dont even have a car, your mils theory is clearly a load of rubbish as anyone can see

racmac · 26/03/2010 10:59

I would look at her and laugh - in a you are really pathetic kind of way.

Dismiss her completely ane be grateful you are moving away she sounds lovely

MathsMadMummy · 26/03/2010 11:07

what, you're only moving an hour away?

YANBU obviously... have to say, I've got much more assertive since having DCs. But they're DH's parents so you should tell him to stand up to them!

ROFL at alphabettispaghetti's suggested retorts!

GeekOfTheWeek · 26/03/2010 12:06

I also agree with rabbit.

Alphabetti has some good responses. I may pinch them myself should the need arise

Definately start to stand up for yourself.

Mouseface · 26/03/2010 12:12

YANBU at all - well done for not telling her to fcuk right off leave your house!!

scottishmummy · 26/03/2010 12:15

pil are angry/frightened that you and dh are moving so they attack.maybe they feel undermined not as valued as dd so again project anxieties as attacks

however,you are a family unit and dont have to be criticised as a mum. dh (not you) needs to have tactful word about his priorities as dad and husband.and that he doesnt appreciate your efforts being undermined

and no dont get drawn into protracted she said/he said disputes.

maintain calm composure
both you and dh take control of this

if they undermine you, reflect back i dont care for your comment and leave

thesecondcoming · 26/03/2010 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catinthehat2 · 26/03/2010 12:45

Can I add to SM's excellent "if they undermine you, reflect back i dont care for your comment and leave "

If you are not naturally assertive, it's seriously worth spending 10 minutes on your own practicing exactly this to get the right tone of voice and how to walk without looking back.

When you do it for the first time in real life you will come across as being entirely in control of the situation.

Original poster
ilovecats · 26/03/2010 13:16

LOL at Alphabetti response! Now why didn't I think of that!

Thanks for all the helpful responses- I kind of thought that if I rise above it, they would get bored of it- clearly not!

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