to make this connection?

[OTTMummA]

DH had asthma, still needs his inhaler for football, but not as bad as when he was younger.
DS 2.2yrs has just been given a blue inhaler to start of with, and a chamber thing.
we had a lesson and got a symptom card and a chart to tick of when he has been coughing/ wheezing etc.

well ive just sat down with it, and it seems that everytime he has visited my MIL & SFIL he comes back coughing or later that night/next morning.

SFIL smokes quite a lot, but never infront or around the GC and i trust him not to do this as he is quite ashamed of his smoking habit.
but he does smoke inside when they are not there.
Thing is DS always comes back smelling of smoke and have to bath him pretty much straight away.

Does this sound like it maybe just the second hand smoke from the house and that this is a trigger for DS's asthma?

Ive not got much knowledge about it TBH.
so am not sure if it could be something else.

but AIBU to tell the inlaws what i have noticed? in a non judgey way. i get on very well with them, and would hate to upset them.

YANBU to make the connection. Smoke lingers, and continues to be breathed out by smokers long after they finish a cigarette.

I'm not sure how to go about dealing with it though!

Since you have made a log of this it would point to the lingering smoke in your PIL's house.

If you get on so well with them hopefully they will understand your concerns. Before you speak to them think about how you will put it - it would be awful to fall out with them since you get on so well but at the end of the day it is your child's health.

yeah, im really quite stressed about how im going to go about it :S thing is SFIL is already upset about not giving up for the third attempt in a yr, i just don't want to upset him he's so nice.

I know thats silly, my son is definately more important, but i know he's tried so hard.

If he's so upset about failing to give up do you think this might help him at all? It's not silly to be worried, nobody likes to raise issues that may upset others.

I think what is on your side is that you get on well and that really he does want to give up.

YANBU my ds has asthma/eczema and his is triggered by going to the mil's flat as her downstairs neighbour has a dog and the dog hair somehow gets all over her flat. Mil is absolutely understanding however it isn't her fault so it was easy to bring up. I completely understand your situation you don't want to sound all "you're making your grandchild sick" but it is something you need to bring up.

Sorry op, I don't think my post was helpful at all

Can you talk to your MIL, show her the log you've made and ask her to talk to FIL? You could also buy him a copy of Allen Carr's book to help him try to give up again (worked for me), to show you want to be supportive not critical.

Difficult. But you've got to do it.

YANBU to make this connection - that's what the card is for after all. Just a thought, do they also have pets? DH's asthma is triggered by animal hair.

I would take the symptom card round and just explain what you've found. Best to just be honest, and make it clear that you are not upset with them, but just want to get it out into the open.

no pets LC200, and their house is always clean, so im quite sure its the smoking

Thing is My mum is a heavy smoker but she doesn't smoke in her house at all, not even when its just her there, and i never notice a smell when we visit, and ive never noticed DS coughing there either.
just wondering if suggesting smoking outside for the time being would be ok ? :S

Ive never sent him with the inhaler as it is a relatively new thing and im wondering if i should give it to them everytime he goes and show them how to use it? if they ask why he's got it etc i can say well second hand smoke is a trigger etc and that he needs it when he's there.

I don't know, il ask my mum what she thinks from a smokers POV.

What about offering to pay for you SFIL to have Stop Smoking Hypnotherapy? I'm told it's really good and lots of them offer money back if it doesn't work.

A constructive solution might go down a lot better with them.

Just to point out there could be something else at play here - if their house is damp it could be mould spores making his asthma flare up (one of my triggers) or if it's not well aired/the beds are old it could be dust mites (another of mine). Personally I've never had asthma from smoke.

This could be a way to tackle the issue more subtley - mention the problem and take round some anti-allergy bedding for DS to use at their house.

Give it a few months and if it hasn't helped sit down with them and chat about what else it could be

OP-your mum is a heavy smoker-so her clothes/hair must smell-yet that doesn´t affect your son?

you never know, maybe this issue (tackled sensitively) will help him be more successful in giving up?

The others here have made some good suggestions, OP. I know you don't want to offend your SFIL, but if you worded it correctly, it could give him an additional incentive to quit. My dad smoked before I was born, but gave up because of me. He didn't smoke again until my mum left him - at which point we were only seeing him once a fortnight and he smoked only at night or out in his workshop. (He tried to conceal it from us as he was ashamed.) He's really struggled to give up in the last few years, because there just isn't really that same incentive - well, that and a few of his girlfriends have smoked.

My DP started smoking occasionally because of his depression. I couldn't make him give up for myself or for the money aspect, but when I pointed out what it was doing to our DS, even if he only had one every now and then outside the house - he gave up. It's not easy for everyone to quit (my DP was lucky in that he never smoked frequently anyway and so never got past feeling crap after he had a cigarette), but motivation plays a large part.

YANBU

I agree, that's what the chart is for, so it's good that you've noticed.

A while ago I read something about third-hand smoke, can't remember the details, but basically it was established that smoking leaves small particles on the smoker which can harm children/asthmatics, so it's not just smoking around children, but having smoked before being in contact with them that's bad.

This would obviously apply if your SFIL smokes indoors.

Perhaps your MIL and SFIL could take your DS to the park so he has fresh air and entirely avoids their house while still being able to see them?

diddl, - whenever we visit ( she lives 300 miles away ) she makes sure she cuts down for a few days before, and has one or 2 when we are there - but again outside, and then she goes out when we're asleep and smokes then.
I was really worried about her smoking as i grew up with it, but seems to of changed her opinions about smoking around children (never bothered her when we were small)
and is saintly strict about it.

I can honestly say even being super aware of noticing it, i never have smelt smoke in her house or on her when we visit.
Im not sure if its a difference in tobacco used or what, but i can smell it strongly on DS and DH when they come back from IL'S house, or even car, but then he does smoke constantly in house when it just him and mil.
their house is clean so i doubt its damp etc as SFIL is quite good on noticing problems around the house.

the only other thing it could be is that they are doing up the loft at the moment, not sure if thats making it worse?
they aren't painting, just putting floor boards up etc.

MIL does take DS to the park as its just around the corner from them ( luckily ) so its not like they keep him couped up in the house all the time.

I think i might try the offering to pay for treatment, i think he would appreciate that.