To expect friends to REMEMBER stuff?

[mumbobumbo]

Basic issue: a good friend of mine keeps "forgetting" stuff... he wondered why I hadn't emailed him for a few days -- when I had already told him my web connection was playing up. Then he completely forgot about a major argument I'd had with someone (and discussed at length with him). He often forgets that I will be busy on X day due to Z reason, which I can forgive, but it is beginning to wear me down having to explain certain things over and over again.

Apart from this particular friend, I am always having to remind various people that I don't do things in the morning (I have a chronic illness that is at its worst that time of day). It really is shocking how many people forget this. People that I speak to quite regularly.

Is there something in the water?

Are we all so self-absorbed these days that we can't remember basic things about other people?

YABNU. Especially about the morning thing - I have the same problem (suffer from M.E.) and its amazing how often I get texts saying "Want to meet about 9ish for coffee?".

The "funniest" recently was a friend asking if I wanted to go to Pizza Express for lunch. I said yes, presuming I could take DS (four months along). This then changed to the evening at 7pm, and the group got annoyed as I couldn't go - because I had to put DS to bed

People suck Don't let it get you down.

I'm one of those people. I care about my friends, I listen attentively when they are talking to me and I remember a lot of the more important things they say. But I do forget a LOT of what they say. I find it hard enough trying to remember all the things I need to do in my everyday life.

So I guess I would have to say YABU. Some people are better than others at remembering.

I used to think the same as you OP. used to drive me BATTY.

but then i had children! was ok after the first, a bit scatty after the second, and now i have 3 i honestly cannot remember ANYTHING unless i write it down
actually, it's so bad i am considering talking to the GP about it. I feel awful, but then most of my friends/family know i struggle with it so they know to keep reminding me about stuff.

thjat said, I think I would remember very regular things, and stuff that happens all the time (ie, taking ds to school, or remembering that you can't do things in the morning!)
but a lot of the time tbh i just don't think. i have so much going on in my head that i just text people and ask if they want to do stuff without actually engaging my brain first

Sorry but YABU a little bit.

Of course its annoying and people shouldnt forget that you find mornings difficult.

The other stuff is very easy to forget though.

I had a terrible memory for years. Its getting better now but its taking quite a lot of work on my part.

I used to have a great memory but then lost it during a period of extreme stress. I lost the habit of remembering.

I didnt like being flaky but it took me a good few years to sort it out.

Perhaps your friend doesnt really need to have a good memory? If he doesnt have kids or a busy work/social life he can probably skate by and forgetting stuff doesnt really get in his way.

Saying all that I could kill OH sometimes because he knows he can rely on me to remember stuff so he doesnt bother.

I can see why you would be annoyed. I have M.E. too and mornings are a no no for me. Luckily my friends do know this though.

I think that YAB a little bit U, but know as well how frustrating it is when you have to repeat the same information to people more than a few times.

Sometimes people have a lot going on and there's only so much information they can process and/or recall. It's not personal, just one of those things.

Do you honestly remember everything that everyone else tells you about what's going on with them? Your friends don't mean to annoy you, otherwise they wouldn't be your friends

i am now finding that, to my horror, i forget much of waht my friends tell me. i care deeply about them and i try so hard to remember what they say. but there is so much stuff going on now that i simply cant retain it. so although i understand what you are saying and hate becoming a bit like it, i do think you are being a little u. just accept other people have other stuff on their minds and you willbe less bothered by it.

YABU really. Some people don't have the mental rolodex that keeps them up to date all the time, I know I don't.

I never remember things like my friend's holiday dates, I ask them again every time I see them.

I'm busy, like everybody else. As long as the forgetfulness doesn't include forgetting to turn up when arranged etc as that is extremely rude, then I don't expect my friends to remember the minutaie of my life.

OK... I can see your point(s) those of you who think I AM being unreasonable. Perhaps I should elaborate...

The argument my friend had forgotten, was pretty unforgettable.

It came after weeks of finding myself ostracised at a mum's & toddlers group. The last straw was when someone commented that my walking stick looked like a witch's broom stick! I left an hour early after telling the entire room that I was fed up with them not being able to handle someone with a disability.

Perhaps you can see now why I find it strange that my friend forgot that.

I do understand that friend's might not remember every last detail of something, or what dates I am going on holiday etc etc, but this was a biggy for me.

Unforgettable for you. A biggy for you.

That would annoy me too for you!

Is your friend well?

sorry but i can still imagine that argument could slip out of someone else's mind. i am sure he remembered as soon as you reminded him, though. could see that it could slip the mind of a busy person. sorry.

YANBU, I try to remember as much about my friends as possible but it really upsets me when they forget about me.

For example I'm on holiday next week and I've told my friends this but they still text asking if I wanted to do something next week.

And another I asked her last week to meet me yesterday but yesterday came and went.

I think you may be a litle unreasonable.

I needed reminding (twice) this morning to email someone from MN back about her coming over to help me sort my house out tomorrow!

Also - I know that I have a tendency to tell my close friends about things that have upset me........but not really explain how upset I was iykwim, I think it often comes ovver as general chit chat when inside I'm seething/sobbing/screaming

I think YABU

I have some friends who like to recount every minute detail of their lives.

I just dont have enough space in my brain to retain it.

I think people remember different things

I am hopeless with useful information

but I remember pointless, random things about everyone

don't take it personally - it may feel personal but I guarantee it wasn't meant that way

I'm like nowwearefour, I feel horrible that I can't remember things people have told me, even when I desperately want to.

I used to have a great memory and enjoyed being the one who always remembered but I have lost that over the past year and I find it really distressing.

I don't know if my memory is a medical problem or stress related (I'm due to see a neurologist about it and other things soon) but it's certainly not a sign I don't care or can't be bothered.