In not wanting DP to do this alone?

[SirBoobAlot]

3rd thread around the same subject, I do apologise - but this one last thing and I swear I'll shut up

Okay, so DPs dad died last this weekend. The shock is starting to ease off, just about. He was away, so the body is being repatriated on Friday. DP has to go down and ID him on Saturday He has said he wants to go alone, but I'm concerned for him - not for the ID itself, but for the three hour train journey back afterwards. This is his first loss, and, having been to a Chapel of Rest myself before (although its not exactly the same), I remember very clearly the mix of emotions that followed me for months afterwards, and still come floating back now if I think about it.

I know I can't force him to go with someone - I just get the impression that its more the fact that I think he feels he has to do it alone, to Be The Man, if you get my meaning. I don't want him to to hold that memory. Though I do understand, I guess.

So should I offer to travel down with him, even if he goes in by himself, or should I just leave it alone, and let him come to me if he wants to?

I would offer, but if he says no then don't push it.
I would prefer to do something like this myself, its a private time including the journey which will allow him some head space to get to grips with things.

What lilaclaire said

Def, make the offer and then stand by his decision.

Okay I will, thank you of wise MN... I don't know how I made decisions before here

Seriously though - can you see where my concern is coming from?

Entirely. Personally I would be very clear about your wish to support him and be with him, while it being entirely his choice which you would respect.

The recent messages say; "I know (re; saying I was struggling to find the difference between being supportive and being a pain in the arse!) - I just need to do this stuff by myself, you know? xxx" and then, when I said I did understand, but as long as he knew I was here if he needed me for anything, "I know - its probably a man thing xxx".

Okay. So I guess plan of action would be to just leave it for now..? (I'm being rather useless, aren't I? I have no idea what is best for me to do at the moment. I went round yesterday to stock up his fridge before he came back from his Mums and to make a pasta dish that would keep so he didn't have to cook but could snack at is as and when he wanted. He ended up coming home as I was cooking, so I stopped to chat and cuddle for a bit.)

I did consider texting his friend and just asking her to casually remind him that she was off this week if he needs anything - not mentioning Saturday specifically - just in case it was him not wanting to go with me. Would that be a bad idea?