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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want SOME control over my day

5 replies

gorgeousbabymadmummy · 25/03/2010 15:16

DS is three and a half months old. DH has been studying full-time since September, having stopped full-time work to do so. We both thought it would be wonderful having him around so much when DS was little and, in many ways, it is great. BUT...it drives me nuts that DH just - IMO - organises his time and place of study to suit him, without realising that that has an impact on what I do. For example, he'll tell me he's leaving to go to college at a certain time, then leave an hour later, so I'm lugging laundry around the house with DS in a sling whilst DH updates facebook or similar. Whilst I wouldn't know, and couldn't care less, if he was farting around during a working day in the office, I find it really irritating that he does so at home whilst I'm tidying up, changing nappies or moving things from one room to another (something that inexplicably takes up a vast proportion of my waking hours - sleepsuit here, nappy there, babygym somewhere else).

DH also comes home in the middle of bath time or as I'm trying to settle DS to sleep, having said he won't be back until late, and I just feel really disrupted. I feel sad that I feel that it would be much easier if he was out of the house from 8am until 7pm, as he was when he worked. But the unpredictability of DH's behaviour, in addition to the inevitable unpredictability of my baby's "routine", leaves me feeling totally out of control. DH thinks I'm completely unreasonable and am trying to banish him from his own house but, honestly, all I want is for him to tell me what he's doing and when he's going to be around, so that I can plan accordingly. AIBU?

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 25/03/2010 15:18

YANBU to ask him for a schedule so that you can work your day around it.

It'll probably do his studying some good too (although you might be better not to mention that).

Tortington · 25/03/2010 15:20

sounds like your dh is something of an adendum. which is a bit fucking rubbish of both of you tbh. he's the dad - let him get stuck in there.

i mean from his POV, why have a dog and bark yourself?

SusieCarmichael · 25/03/2010 15:22

yabu but my dd is 4.6 and dp has always been like this, i never know if he's going to be in or not and wouldn't ask him to tell me either, it makes no difference to what i do as i just do what i'm doing regardless of if he's around or not

i don't see how him being there would stop what you are doing

NannyBeth · 25/03/2010 15:37

Could you proactively get him to help? Such as handing him your DS and telling him you are going to sort the laundry. Surely at 3.5 mths, DS wouldn't object to being held whilst your DH checks his facebook or similar?

Pikelit · 25/03/2010 15:41

You've got to make your own routines and don't wait for him to use initiative. If he is at home and you want help, ask for it. But put some sort of deadline on the job, like "it'd be really helpful if you could put that washing into the machine before lunch."

Ultimately, be prepared that now you have had a child, you won't get any sort of realistic control over your life (regardless of your dh's limitations) for years and years to come.

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