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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to change my DDs Christian name this late in the day??

83 replies

AllAboutFace · 25/03/2010 10:45

I think I already know the answer to this but here we go....

DD is 6 months old. She is not Christened, but obviously has a Birth Certificate in her name as it now. I hate her Christian name, I won't mention it as it would be too obvious to anyone in real life who saw it, who I am.

It's not a very common name. When she was born DP and I hadn't agreed on any names! I was happy to leave it a week or two, but DP and families were pressuring me to give her a name. Although DP disagreed with most of my suggestions. The only one he liked was her current name. I agreed, honestly, for a quiet life - I felt a bit shell shocked after a difficult birth. She is our first.

I know I could have changed it when I had to register her. But again, at that time, didn't have the strength to argue, I had PND and was pressuring myself to be ready to get back to work (I still haven't gone back yet by the way!), and was having a hideous time with DP and his pushy parents. I did bring it up, but DP refused point blank - his main reason being that his aunt had embroidered her name onto a towel she had sent as a gift!! Aarrrgh. He also assumed that it must be my PND.

DP, DD and I are all back on track now, but I still don't like her name. There are couple of others DP agrees are lovely and we could change it to (he's calmed down a bit too). I do feel stupid though, just socially. I know my family would support the decision to change her name, but DPs won't. And I worry what friends would think..... Am I being unreasonable? I really don't know anymore!!

OP posts:
Tiredmumno1 · 25/03/2010 10:47

Yanbu, your child, your choice

Poledra · 25/03/2010 10:48

It'll all blow over on a few weeks, as everyone gets used to her new name.

As long as you and DP are happy with it, who cares what anyone else thinks?

globex · 25/03/2010 10:49

Do it now - don't leave it too late..

Intergalactic · 25/03/2010 10:51

I think, given everything you've said, that you should take the plunge and change it. The current name will always have an association for you with a bad time in your life and your bad feelings about the whole situation. 18 months down the line, everyone will have got used to the new name and forgotten about the old one, and the new name will be with her for life. As long as you and your DP agree, it's not really anyone else's business - his family will just have to get used to it.

thumbwitch · 25/03/2010 10:53

Do it if you're not happy.
I had friends who gave their DD a name that they (imo) didn't pronounce properly, so it sounded like another name said with a lisp. Because of that, they changed it to the other name - but by then half of us were already calling the DD by a nickname for the first name, which didn't work for the second one, iyswim.

It hasn't affected her (the DD) at all - she quite likes having different pet names but knows what her real name is.

No one thought anything of it really - it's down to the parents in the end, isn't it?

GetDownYouWillFall · 25/03/2010 10:54

At 6 months old you will not be scarring her for life. Do it now especially before your DP changes his mind!

siblingrivalryisrelative · 25/03/2010 10:54

Do it! She's your daughter, sod what everyone else thinks.

It'll be a great story to tell her when she's older. My DD loves to hear how we changed her name FOUR times before we actually decided on one that suited her (she was only a week old when we chose it though!)

ZZZenAgain · 25/03/2010 10:59

I don't think it is to late.

Ify the gp wouldn't be happy about it, could you keep her current first name as second name - or do you just find it too awful?

SirBoobAlot · 25/03/2010 11:01

Do it - stuff everyone else. If you're not happy with it, and don't think it suits her, change it before she's old enough to confuse things.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 25/03/2010 11:02

Definitely do it, she's too young to care and TBH if my friends did this I'd probably think it odd for about a week and then forget entirely about it. No-one is ever as invested in your actions as you think they are (I mean this in a comforting way).

What name/s are you thinking of using?

SirBoobAlot · 25/03/2010 11:02

I'm so curious as to what her current name is now by the way

Original poster
AllAboutFace · 25/03/2010 11:07

Phew! Thanks for the replies - that puts my mind at ease - I know I shouldn't care what anyone else thinks but I do!
With regard keeping her current name as a middle name, she has two family names, so she'd be essentially having a third middle name which I wouldn't be too keen on. I do think that it's my associations with her name as much as her name itself - it just takes me back to that really dark place and I feel so guilty about it!

OP posts:
Original poster
AllAboutFace · 25/03/2010 11:11

SirBoobAlot - I thought that might happen, not trying to be all mysterious intentionally!

We're thinking of Eleanor and shortening it to Nell. I know it won't be to everyone's taste, but was on my original list of names when I was pregnant. I know there are longer versions of it etc, but I was really set on it. It was my great grandmother's name, and just think it's so pretty.

OP posts:
Original poster
AllAboutFace · 25/03/2010 11:12

Sorry not longer versions, I mean other versions that can be shortened to Nell!

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 25/03/2010 11:14

if the name has bad associations for you, get rid of it. Eleanor is nice name, both the sound of it and the way it looks. The gp will adjust with time. half the time little babies don't get addressed by their name at all anyway, just "love" or "chubby-cheeks" or some other endearment.

saslou · 25/03/2010 11:15

I have a friend who changed her own name at age 18. We all got used to it and can't believe we ever called her anything else, so to change at 6mths is no big deal at all. Fwiw my mum changed my name when I was a baby.The gps moaned cos they'd had the christening mug engraved already, but you can't keep a name you are not happy with just because a relative wants you too. Your baby, your choice. Dying to know what the names are btw. Good luck with your new choice

SirBoobAlot · 25/03/2010 11:15

Does it suit her? If so just do it DPs mum uses a name entirely different from the one on her birth certificate (something we only found out a few months ago, actually!) - her "real" name doesn't suit her in the slightest having heard it

ZZZenAgain · 25/03/2010 11:16

I'm another one itching to know what her name is now...

sigh

Original poster
AllAboutFace · 25/03/2010 11:20

It really suits her too - I think you should only have to name DCs when they are old enough to have a bit of personality!

As for her name now, trust me, hideous!

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 25/03/2010 11:22

Oh come on, OP, you have to tell us now

MmeLindt · 25/03/2010 11:23

Do it.

Eleanor is a lovely name, and one that does not date.

You will always associate the other name with that difficult time in your life. Sod the relatives, your baby, your choice.

ZZZenAgain · 25/03/2010 11:24

so dp still likes the name and his family like it? And your family agree with you that it is hideous?

I don't know how you can pacify the in-laws, is it a family name of theirs, is that why they're going to get all upset?

Just do it and invite them all round for a little naming ceremony fancy meal or something, ply them with plonk, get them in a good mood again.

You have to feel comfortable with your own dc's name

possiblefestivalgoer · 25/03/2010 11:26

Legally you cannot change her name now, only she can change it by deed poll when she is 18. You can of course call her by a difefrent name but it wont be her legal name.

Original poster
AllAboutFace · 25/03/2010 11:29

possiblefestivalgoer - Oh I was told you can change her name - but only with signature of both parents who are on the birth certificate?! Oh dear

ZZZenAgain - no not a family name for them - they were actually against the name at first (not that I think they should have given an opinion) but now they think it's just great and that she sounds famous (yes, exactly why I want to change it!!!)

OP posts:
duchesse · 25/03/2010 11:30

I think you should. It will bother you for ever otherwise. The towel is neither here nor there! Whatever you decide to call her, people will get used to it, even dp's family.

I'm thinking of doing the same, but by adding names to my 7mo's birth certificate. I do like her name, but don't love it, and I do love some other names we mooted but DH didn't like, and I just think I can call her by one of her middle names if I want to. She is only ever called by her nickname at the moment, which won't change, so it will make no difference to her whatsoever.