To mention in DD's school communication book

[RedRedWine1980]

That she has told me nobody plays with her at breaktime (she has told me this before) but this afternoon she got very upset telling me. I have tried calling the school but have had no reply and there is never any time in the morning to talk to the teacher properly and alone.

Of course YANBU.. fight to be listened to!

YANBU, ask for an appointment to speak to her teacher too in the book, see if there are any issues within the class, who the top dogs/circles of friends are.

Made me sad to think of your DD on her own

It makes me sad too as she is a bright sensitive little girl and says she tries to play with people but they tell her no so she just sits on her own. There are some very strong minded girls in her group and she doesnt like to muscle in on other people playing although ive told her to just join in!
Her teacher told us she is popular at parents evening but this is not the first time she told me she has been on her own at lunchtime

My DD tells me this also.

When I looked into it, she was alone for about 5 mins of the lunch hour only.

awww your poor dd yanbu to write it in the book

at ds's school there is a 'friendship bench' and if anyones sat on their it means they have no one to play with or are new etc and someone will play with them they got an extra credit thing for it from ofsted.

Being popular and having friends are two different things IMO. I have been in your shoes with DD and when I went to see her teacher, I found that there was an element of bullying going on with the top (most popular) 5 girls in her class, all trying to be "incharge" as the teacher put it. I arranged for my DDs "closest" two friends to come over one weekend to play away from the playground environment and the next school day, all was fine.

Could you try that? I hope she has someone you can ask over.

Emmymamma thats a really good idea I may be cheeky and suggest it to the school!

DD has had a friend over and has been to her house also and she has a friend that she has known since she was about 3 but I dont know it seems breaktimes she is just too 'polite' to go and join in with others and nobody invites her so she doesnt bother.

Similar idea, but my son's old school used to give a special hat to one child each playtime. If one of the others had nobody to play with, they could go and play with the child wearing the hat, who had a special responsibility to be ultra friendly that playtime.

They used to beg to wear that hat!

My ds has been having similar feelings of awkwardness/left outness not really knowing who to play with or how to join in. I found it heartbreaking!! just watching him hover near to people in the mornings would nearly bring tears to my eyes! We wrote about it in his book and since then the teacher has been monitoring things and it all seems to have moved on a bit now thank heavens. YANBU, hopefully the teacher can help.

One of the things that really helped was that a new midday supervisor started and organised games like 'what's the time mr wolf' so that all the kids could play together and then there is no issue of 'can I play with you?' or aving to get up the courage to join in.
I don't know how old your dd is but my ds is 4 and I think he and many of his classmates just didn't really know what to do with themselves at playtime.

I had similar probs with ds, and i phoned up the school and arranged an appt to see the teacher, a la making an appt to see the dr.

A face to face chat did help- but then my ds teacher rarely writes in his home school book.

HTH

Another thing I sometimes do, is to send ds in with a letter addressed directly to his teacher. This, too, is effective but then ds' teacher is particularly flaky!

This is veery sad, and something I deal with every day, but it's really hard to force children to play with someone they don't want to play with, especially if the child isn't very pro-active at making friends.

It is sad. RedWine what would you want the staff to do, in an ideal situation?

There is plenty the staff can do.

Keep an eye on the child in class, possibly move tables around to encourage new friendship groups- a good teacher will have plenty of tactics for situations like this.

Don't just accept it!

Yes we have a friendship bench and when I'm on duty I actively try to get the lone childrne playing with someone, or I will play with them myself and then other kids join in and play too, but sometimes it's really hard, and for whatever reason children don't want to play with someone.

How old is she?

Teach her football skills and tell her to play with the boys.

I know you cant force children to play with other but some kids can be very insular in who they will 'allow' to play with them etc, I remember how fickle kids could be myself thinking of school days.
What would I like the teacher to do? Make sure kids aren't moving away from others when they try to play, saying 'we dont like you, go away' talk in lessons about other childrens feelings when they are not involved in playing with other children/left on their own and how it can be hurtful. Anything BUT allowing children to feel lonely and excluded at playtimes!

Please write your concerns in the communication book. Sometimes,if TA do playground duty, teachers wont always be aware of what is happening.
My dc school, has a Friendship signpost, and if anyone needs someone to play with, they can go and stand there. The TA check to see if someone will play.
I think some dc need a little guidance in how to join in with other dc-they can find it very daunting, and if the situation continues begin to dread break and lunch-time.
Let your dd know you will write/speak to her teacher that she is having difficulty. I think it is important for dc to know they are being listened to and that you are doing something.
My friends dd used to take a book to read in the playground, but that maybe wont suit every dc.
Lastly, please dont be fobbed off by the school-a good school will always welcome input from parents and make time for them-after all, how a dc feels, can affect them in class, so its good to keep teacher informed.

My ds was the same at the start of school, he said one of the boys in a group told him he didn't want to play with him and to go away, and because ds had never been in a situation like this, he simply went away and played himself.
I told my ds to say to the boy, no, you can go away if you don't want to play with me, I'm staying and guess what. The boy did go away and didn't play with the group. My ds did have to do this 3 or 4 times, but they now all play together.
The problem was just with the one boy in the group and they are now quite friendly.