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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not help this child with a school project?

30 replies

moominmarvellous · 24/03/2010 15:58

A few weeks ago a friend of mine was talking about her child's upcoming school project and casually said at the end, 'So as you can imagine I'll be sending DC round to you with that one!' I said that she can't get me to do all the childrens artwork and perhaps she or her husband should do it with them.

I'm not a miserable woman, but this is the 5th or 6th time she's sent them to me with various things, some of which she's volunteered for and then roped me into doing (I don't have children of school age so this isn't something I'm doing anyway with a child or anything).

Anyway, today I am minding her DC and again she casually mentions as she leaves that in his bag are the items he needs to make this project! The project that I said I wouldn't be able to help with this time. She said the child would be happy getting on with it while I do other things, but it's obvious that the child is expecting help from me.

It isn't due in tomorrow or anything as far as I know, and I'm tempted to just play and do the usual things we do when they're over (board games etc) and not do this project, because frankly, I think she's taking the piss.

What do you think? Justified or mean old bag?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 24/03/2010 16:00

Are you getting paid for minding? Cos if so I think it's fair for you to do the project with the child.

If you're not getting paid then your time is your own.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 24/03/2010 16:04

What Laurie said,

Although, is it that you have some special skill (artistic, eg), that they want to "use" you for ? If so, it would be unreasonable if you were being expected to contribute a lot rather than the child doing it himself.

moominmarvellous · 24/03/2010 16:05

No no, it's a favour, I'm not a childminder.

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 24/03/2010 16:08

Are you an artist ?

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 24/03/2010 16:08

Just don't do it. She's being very cheeky.

moominmarvellous · 24/03/2010 16:08

I wouldn't say I'm particularly skilled, it just seems that anything a bit messy and involved gets sent my way.

I think it's because I thought I was being upfront and brave saying 'not this time pal!' and she's not taken a blind bit of notice.

OP posts:
Mouseface · 24/03/2010 16:08

Ask her why she can't do it. Put your big girl pants on. It's ok to say no if you really don't want to.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 24/03/2010 16:10

I think she's being cheeky. Do yo look after him regularly, and if so, is it a reciprocal arrangement ?

If not, she should be paying you, IMO

Sorry for all the questions

Uriel · 24/03/2010 16:12

How about - oh, sorry. We were too busy having fun.

How often do you look after the kids?

AxisofEvil · 24/03/2010 16:13

I'd do the normal stuff and ignore the project. If she asks why, look confused and say "but I've already told you that I wasn't able to do that".

AMumInScotland · 24/03/2010 16:13

Just play with the DC this time, and speak to her when she comes to collect. You just have to say "I enjoy playing with / minding your child (assuming you do...) but I'm not here to be used as a project-completing service, I thought I'd made that clear when you mentioned it before" and hand her back the bag of stuff.

moominmarvellous · 24/03/2010 16:14

I did say no Mouseface and she's brought it anyway. I could say no to her again, it's more that the child said 'When are you helping me make my project?' so she's obvioulsy told her DC that that's what's going on.

I don't do it regularly, just on occasion and it's not this that I mind, her children play very nicely with mine, but if I'm sat doing schoolwork with them, my own DD is left out as she's too young to get involved. I just want to do a nice straihgt forward favour, let the kids play, do them a bit of dinner - not a full on Art Attack every time.

OP posts:
moominmarvellous · 24/03/2010 16:18

Well they're finished their snack now so I'm going down the fun route and am going to play the usual games they play together and say, 'oh we forgot all about that didn't we?'

I don't want to be mean about it, but how direct do you need to be with someone?! Lordy.

OP posts:
SloanyPony · 24/03/2010 16:28

I think you are well within your rights to forget about it! She's taking the mick for sure. Update us and let us know what she says!!!

Mouseface · 24/03/2010 16:30

Telling her DC that you are going to help is a cop out on her part. Poor you. Clearly doesn't know what no means!! Eek!

Play dumb, maybe she'll do it in the end???

paisleyleaf · 24/03/2010 16:32

"not a full on Art Attack every time."

Fair dos.
Just say, 'oh sorry, we never got a chance to do it'
cooking tea or whatever.

MathsMadMummy · 24/03/2010 16:37

YANBU. she's taking the pee!!!

don't know how old the DC is but they should do it themselves shouldn't they?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 24/03/2010 16:42

My pint exactly, Maths

What is the point of adults doing homework ?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 24/03/2010 16:43

point , not pint

AxisofEvil · 24/03/2010 16:51

No no don't say you forgot. Because that says to her that you don't have a problem in principle with her behaviour and she will do it to you again.

Mouseface · 24/03/2010 16:53

Jamie, you were right first time - pint. Maybe if she gets tipsy, she won't be able to do the homework!!

Joolyjoolyjoo · 24/03/2010 17:05

Just say sorry you were rushed off your feet cooking whatever. I think she is being a bit cheeky tbh!

majafa · 24/03/2010 17:29

Hmm, think next time she asks a favour from you to look after her child, Id say Im busy, sorry, with a sweet smile..
Someone else asked, did she ever reciprocate , please excuse spelling, if she does, send you child to her with 'homework' see how she likes it.

But then IMO, I also think, that overseeing
Homework is the parents job, not your childminder or any one else looking after your child.

pigletmania · 24/03/2010 17:34

How cheeky of the woman, YANBU some people really take advantage of generosity. I would be firm and say that you have other things to do.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 24/03/2010 17:35

YANBU

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