My sisters has no manners!

[NestaFiesta]

My sister is coming over from Spain with her Spanish husband to stay in the UK for 4 days and has told my niece she is planning to stay with me, DH and our 2 DCs (aged 4 months and 3.5) in our 3 bed semi.

She and I are not particularly close and don't really speak or email. My beef is that although she is planning to stay with me, she hasn't asked me or contacted me in any way, but has already booked the flights.

She can't stay with her daughter as she and fiance only have a tiny 1 bed flat, and a hotel is out of their budget. She's my sister and I wouldn't turn her away but I am fuming.
She is due in 3 weeks and we will need to seriosuly sort the spare room out too.
AIBU to feel she is taking the piss?

So has she told you she is coming over or has your neice? Because if she hasn't said anything to you I'd be tempted to ring her up and give her a piece of my mind.

A small part of me would be tempted to slam the door in her face when she arrives, mind you, but common decency prevents me from suggesting it as anything other than a nice daydream.

I think you need to work on your relationship with your sister, so that you at least feel comfortable telling her that you're annoyed and why. I'd be livid at someone imposing themselves on me in such a way. I'm not saying you should 'patch things up' so you're best buddies or anything - families sometimes just don't work that way - but if she's happy enough to stay with you, then she needs to know that she has to ask, and you have to be able to tell her that.

She's taking the piss to not even have spoken to you about it.
What if you were doing something else? Or had ILs staying?
How presumptuous!

I would be really irritated by that. I would call her or e-mail her saying she must make sure to cone over for dinner at least once whilst she is over, or maybe you could all meet up at her hotel and go on some where from there!! Just to make her flounder!!

I wouldn't let her in. Find out what date she is expecting to turn up on your doorstep and make sure you're out. If it's a Saturday go away for a long weekend.

Cheek!

Yes - I would go away for the weekend too!

Love kingprawn's idea!

Heehee, and I thought I was being excessive in my door-slamming scenario! Clearly I forgot how blunt I'm allowed to be on AIBU...

But seriously, if you don't speak to each other is there no one else she could stay with? Surely she had friends here before she emigrated, or are your parents still around to put them up? It's ridiculous of her to just turn up theoretically unannounced (or to expect her daughter to do the announcing part) and expect you to drop whatever you were doing and play happy hotels for her.

YANBU

If you can't afford to go away invite some friends to stay for the week(end). Then send her an email mentioning that you've got friends staying that week(end)but that you've heard she's coming over and you'll have to meet up for lunch/dinner one day.

I love Kingprawn's idea!

Its not that we're not on speaking terms, we're just not close. She hasn't even told me she is coming, yet has time to update her facebook status and even comment on mine!. Parents not an option as she is estranged from my lovely Dad (in UK) and my Mum is also in Spain.

We are actually on holiday for the last day of her trip so she will be forced to go elsewhere for the last night- tough!

Was you niece perhaps supposed to ask you if her mum could stay?

But yes, very rude anyway. My kids are a tiny bit older than yours (4 and 2) and I find it quite stressful to have people staying, I am OK when people have asked/been invited, but it is really annoying when they just impose. My BIL has recently tried to do this and I did ask DH to put his foot down (had not seen BIL for years, his choice).

I think KingPrawn has a great idea.
If you´re not that close, why would she want to stay?

I'd be well miffed! If I was you I'd cover my spare room furniture in dust sheets and pretend it's in the middle of being decorated, but offer her a rickety sofa bed somewhere cramped Apologise profusely, saying, "If you'd only let me know, I'd have been happy to put you up!" If she mentions that DN told you, I would say "Oh, I just assumed she had it wrong when you didn't contact me yourself!"

She shouldn't get an easy ride, or she will do it again...and again..! Make her suffer for her lack of manners!

Nesta - you need to get in contact and hammer out the details, because an argument over the phone is a lot easier than an argument while she's here.

And as for your father, it doesn't sound like she's much less estranged from you than she is from him, so it's bleedin' cheek for her to just assume it's okay. How does your niece feel about this btw? Does she know you're the "unwitting" host or does she think your sister called you first and asked? Because if she knows it's just expected of you, I'm surprised she didn't say anything to her mother.

How rude If she has not told you anything than assume that she is not staying with you. And if she turns up bags and all say oh well you did not say anything so you'll have to stay somewhere else!

My niece (21) said "just to give you the heads up, I think Mum's planning to stay at yours and she's coming over in 4 weeks."
Me "really? I haven't heard from her"
DN-"Just thought I'd warn you she's going to ask". That was a week ago.

Its not actaully an "ask" is she hasn't got a plan B, its more of an expectation.

Grrr! Glad its not just me being grumpy about it, all your replies are very much appreciated. xx

Book a holiday. How weird of her.

A little email. Hi, I hear you are coming over on XXX how lovely. We are away then for a couple of days, but it will be great to catch up with you when we get back. That will be some time after xxx. Where will you be staying by the way?

Ok, I know I'm going against prevailing wisdom - but is it possible your sister simply told a white lie to your niece in order to stop her worrying, if niece doesn't have room for her and niece knows her mum is hard up? Given your sister hasn't talked to you, it might be she simply said something about staying with you so her daughter doesn't feel obliged to put her up.

Ha! An aunt of mine used to do this i.e. presume she was staying at mine whenever she was in town. Once, she called me up on a Sunday morning and told me she was flying to the UK. In my severely hungover state I asked her when, and she told me she was on the plane already and her flight was due to get in that evening; oh, and by the by, could I drop my plans for the day and come and meet her at the airport??

I let her stay on that occasion. The next time, she sent me a text 2 days before her flight to tell me she was coming into town. I sent a text back asking her what hotel she'd be staying at (unusual passive aggressive behaviour on my part) so that I could come see her whilst she was in town. I never heard back from her till the last day of her trip - yes, she did end up booking a hotel and no, she never darkened my door ever again

LittleRed, you are obviously a nice person, but you credit my sister with too much tact! My niece told her Mum several times she didn't have room and my sister kept saying "but we'll have your sofa" and "we can have your bed". She just didn't get the message until DN's fiance put his foot down.

i would definitely get on the phone

in fact i woukld say
"hello, i hear you're staying with us on the xxx. which is odd, because i don't remember you asking, and we'll be on holiday..."

actually, best not to pretend you're away or she'll want your house to herself!

I would make out you didn't know. I've done this to my sister before when she has dumped plans on my on the day..."Oh sorry, we;re out" etc. When she gets huffy I just point out she never contacted me.

Mrs C- you're right. She can't rely on her daughter telling me she's planning to ask!Its been over a week since she booked her flights now and still nothing.

Its not even as if she's at work all day!

I am getting edgy now as I need to plan menus and do a shop, clear the spare room out (another few weeks and baby DS2 would be sleeping in there, so she is assuming an awful lot.)

DH is with Kingprawn-he's saying "email her and invite her over for dinner one night whilst she is over here. Make her sweat."

I wouldn't say 'we're on holiday' - she might say 'great, more space and I won't be in your way, I'll post the key as I leave' !

Lauren- she probably would too! The annoying thing is my Mum has always shown my sister a lot of favouritism (which would be a whole other thread!) and I just know I will end up looking like the bad guy if I am "awkward".

My sister actually sent me an email today but it was some stupid chain one- it just made me even more annoyed with her.