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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to believe I can trust dh and his colleague to behave like adults?

47 replies

Bibithree · 24/03/2010 12:40

Apparently, according to a now scandalised staffroom, I am.

DH is a massive KISS fan, has been since his teens. He's been with another colleague, female, to see Kiss tribute bands as she is also a big fan, so when I saw the tickets were on sale I mentioned asking colleague if she wanted to go too as I didn't really want to, but would if DH really wanted to go (he did).

He asked colleague, she jumped at the chance and they are off to Sheffield together to see them and are sharing a twin hotel room so they can both have a drink and not have to fork out on two hotel rooms.

I have no problem with this, however when dh mentioned it in the staff room yesterday the rest of the women were aghast even asking "Does Bibi know?" As if they were sneaking off for some dirty weekend!

Is this sucha bizarre situation or are they all highly suspicious of their dhs?

OP posts:

GerbilMeasles · 24/03/2010 17:06

Honestly can't see the problem here - I've been on the "other side", as it were, and DH was perfectly happy with it. Went away for a weekend with a load of people from work, most of them quite good mates, and others just good colleagues IYSWIM, and had to share a "family" room with two male colleagues (one of whom was, and remains, married - as am I).

Anyway, no worries, though apparently I snore very loudly and one of the blokes mutters equally loudly in his sleep, but in the morning at breakfast the waitress asked for our room numbers (as they do) and looked a bit when the three of us all gave the same room number - one of the other people at the table said "don't worry yourself, love, they're all in a family room. Just think of them as a very disfunctional family."

emsyj · 24/03/2010 17:38

Hmmmm, I wouldn't be wildly enthusiastic about DH sharing a room with another woman but there are a few mutual female friends that I wouldn't be bothered about. If it was someone I knew and was friends with, I would be okay with it. Would imagine DH would have similar ideas if the tables were turned - although you couldn't pay me enough to share a room with anyone other than DH, I'm not a sharing kinda gal!

kickassangel · 24/03/2010 17:47

We once had a MASSIVE 'discussion' in our staff room about whether (in theory) it was possible for a male & female to share a bed without having sex. some people said it was impossible. others, like myself, said they would only be unfaithful if violently raped or drugged.

i think diff people have diff attitudes, and their reaction prob shows how THEY would behave, not your dh.

Chandon · 24/03/2010 17:52

Gerbil measles, if my DH shared a room with various people, that would be fine. Big difference between group of people and 1 man 1 woman together.

To have one man and one woman, who share a passion for something spend a night out, have some drinks and then go back to the same room...

No, I would not be happy with that.

yes I trust my DH, but No I would not want to have him put in a situation that invites any new (drunken, carried away with the moment) ideas IYSWIM.

But YANBU, if you´re fine then of course there´s no prob.

lisbey · 24/03/2010 18:15

I'd like to think it's OK, but 2 people who like each other as people, have a great time sharing a shared interest, possibly followed by a few drinks and/or dinner.....I've been there and although we set out with best intentions (beforehand I would have said not on my life) and nothing actually did happen, it could have done if either of us had had one more...

Why did your DH tell the staff room? He must have realised it would raise some eyebrows. Was he bragging?

Do you know the woman in question? What's her personal situation?

Fluffyone · 24/03/2010 18:17

I recently had a great trip to New York with a male friend, we stayed 3 nights, sharing a twin room. My DP was fine with it, he trusts me and he trusts my friend. He would rather stick pins in his eyes than go on a trip to NY, he's a laying by the pool in the sun sort of guy.

Original poster

Bibithree · 24/03/2010 19:21

Lisbey, dh told the staffroom as it was in his diary when they were all going through dates for the coming term together, someone spotted it and asked ... led from there. If he was bragging about going to see Kiss, it was definitely to the wrong audience!

I do know the woman in question, like her a lot, and she's doing me a massive favour without knowing it because i'd rather eat my own head than go see Kiss.

They won't be sharing a bed, it's a twin room but lets be honest, if they were going to do anything while away, having separate rooms really wouldn't stop them would it?

If I didn't trust him 100% there really would be no point in any of it. I couldn't live my life suspicious.

OP posts:

MrsC2010 · 24/03/2010 19:39

Don't know, I trust my husband implicitly but workplaces are odd. This sort of thing sparks gossip and that might be something that would put many people off.

Pozzled · 24/03/2010 19:44

Bibithree I'm with you on this. I trust my DH 100% and would have absolutely no problem with it. Would probably prefer it if it meant saving money! Just asked DH and he says he'd have no problem with it (if positions were reversed), but would find it a bit strange.

lisbey · 24/03/2010 20:13

Hi Bibi, I meant was he bragging that he would be spending the night with this woman? TBH if he's any sort of gentleman I would have thought he'd keep it quiet for the sake of her (OK old fashioned, their ) reputation at work. Where I work having coffee together can lead to extensive rumours about affairs and like it or not, that can be very damaging and hurtful.

You're right of course, if they were intending to do anything they would at least be telling you they'd have separate rooms and having separate rooms wouldn't stop them, but it will stop a "it just happened" moment, which is what nearly happened to me.

A perfect night out with a man you really like (although didn't think for a moment you fancied)followed by a night in a hotel and both of you slightly tipsy...

AnyFucker · 24/03/2010 20:14

well, I think you are right that if they were planning on having a shag, or a shag naturally developed along the course of a fun evening, seperate rooms would not stop them

however, I am averse to having the state of my marriage and my husband's sex life with other women discussed as a part of idle staff-room gossip...

I don't need someone else to make me out to look like a cuckolded fool, I can do that for myself quite adequately

so, for that reason alone, I would actually put my foot down in this situation and say it ain't happening

Original poster

Bibithree · 25/03/2010 21:24

Lisbey, he was not bragging about spending the night with her, he's a gent and wouldn't do that. She was there at the time, so they were discussing it with everyone. Her partner is fine with this too by the way.

OP posts:

tethersend · 25/03/2010 21:33

The last thing you want them to do is behave like adults.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 25/03/2010 21:39

I wouldn't share a twin room with a female friend unless I was absolutely skint. So I suppose I do think you are a bit weird. But then I am possibly weird too.

Sharing a room, to me, is a pretty intimate thing to do

MmeLindt · 25/03/2010 21:43

If you are ok with this then fine.

I would not like to share a room with a male colleague as it is rather intimate. Nothing to do with sex, but I really don't need anyone seeing me in my pjs, drooling in sleep or waking up with my hair all over the place.

benches · 25/03/2010 21:47

I think that as long as you are happy then what's the worry!
If they were going to get up to anything, having 2 rooms wouldn't stop them would it?!
tbh the fact that they have been honest about sharing is a good thing.
Good to see that you 2 have such a trusting relationship.

pissovski · 25/03/2010 22:33

TBH i wouldn't want anyone sharing a room with me except DH. The sight of me in the morning is far too scary to inflict on anyone

However as for the concert going - not a problem!! I do it too. Me and a male friend go to gigs 'alone together'. My DH is happy with this.It saves him from having to go and he knows nothing will happen!

BrahmsThirdRacket · 25/03/2010 22:36

If he was going to bang her, he wouldn't mention that they were sharing a room.

jasper · 25/03/2010 22:47

Bibi completely agree with you

Gay40 · 25/03/2010 22:49

I can't see the problem at all. You are fine with it, that's all that matters.
I'd be fine with it too.

I've never understood "well something might happen if they share a room."

SOMETHING COULD HAPPEN AT ANY TIME OF ANY DAY WITH ANYONE - DO YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT FFS

No. Trust is trust.

pissovski · 25/03/2010 23:06

Meant to say - do these people have no imagination?? You don't really need a bed do you!!

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 25/03/2010 23:31

"unfaithful if violently raped or drugged"

That would be rape in either situation. Being raped is not a form of infidelity. FFS.

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