Background: my SIL has always disliked me and my children. Have never understood why - I haven't had words with her, have never criticised her, and have always happily included her in on many family events, including birthdays and Christmas. I've only ever been in her house once in the 15 years she's been with DB - and that was for for a quick coffee with my brother while she was out. She also pretty much ignores all three of my children, won't look at them or address them directly, let alone give them a kiss or a cuddle. I can't get my head around it - I utterly adore her kids and really enjoy seeing them at my mum's.
I've really struggled with her dislike of me over the years - she can't hide her feelings and doesn't make much effort to try. I've got very upset in the past trying to work out what it is she hates so much about me and my children, and at low points over the past year or so, when I've been depressed, I've become overly pre-occupied with it. When I'm feeling strong I can be generous about it and focus on all the things I like about her - she's a good mum, very hard-working and hugely loyal to my brother (with whom I have a loving relationship). I'm getting better at coping with it as the years pass.
Anyway....... mum phoned last night and said that SIL's ex-childminder (who looked after her ds for 2 years full-time), who is also (or was also) a family friend and a close neighbor, has been emailing SIL's friends saying .... not sure, but it's very critical apparently. I suspect this childminder is suffering from a depressive illness - the emailing is very out of character. Now I was aware that SIL had had a major falling out with her, after she'd said she didn't want to look after my nephew anymore due to having another child of her own. My understanding is that this woman has had a very difficult time over the past few years having had two mid-term miscarriages, plus money worries connected with her dh's job. Last thing I heard SIL was crossing the road to avoid talking to her, had blanked her when she'd seen her out with her new baby (the one born after a previous late miscarriage). This childminder also has a child in the same school as SIL's ds, so she has to put up with being blanked on a daily basis. My brother told me that she'd approached him at a school fete last year and sobbed, asking what she'd done to upset SIL and why SIL was blanking her. BTW - the blanking started BEFORE the rogue emails.
Feel ashamed, but was quietly jubilant that someone might have 'outed' SIL as a vindictive cow.