to not want to go over to PIL or allow the children to go over....

[Mischamushca]

because they have decided that instead of FIL working they will grow and sell marjuana in there house?
Both FIL and BIL(who still lives with them) smoke it.
They ar in financial ruin on the verge of bankruptcy and this is there so called way out.

I am British but we moved here last year to be closer to them (foreign land to me)
They are sponsors on my visa!

We are suppose to just accept it, however the extended family do not know anything about it.

Please tell me i am not over reacting by not wanting my children over there. I personally do not to have any contact me or the children with them!

And of your children are in their house when theyiare raided by the police ramming down the door armed with sniffer dogs your FIL and MIl would be fine that I presume?

If they are selling from their home, it will happen sooner or later.

Of course YANBU.

"Of course YANBU but on the other hand, if they are perfetly decent grandparents it would be a shame to deprive your DGs of having a relationship with them. "

Perfectly decent grandparents don't deal drugs. So that solves any worries you might have about depriving your DCs of a relationship.

That isn't true.

DRUGS: the catch-all term that means fuck-all. Woo.

well its not just PIL and BIL is it, its the people who will be visiting to buy the stuff too! I wouldnt want me children around that at all and what sort of lesson is this setting for them in future.
I'd be on that plane back tbh

What sort of lesson? Hmm, maybe that people who smoke dope (I don't smoke, btw) are just people too...? Crazy, I know, but true. Sorry.

YANBU. Your priorities are your children not your PIL's financial dilemmas and their decision to resolve their problems by growing dope.

As others have said, the risks are too great to allow your DC to go to their house and the example the PILs will set is unacceptable too. What would happen if you allowed the DC to go there and they started asking questions as they got older? Even taking aside the physical and emotional risk to DC in a house where the PIL's are growing dope and accepting buyers into the property, the moral message you'd send out by tacitly condoning their behaviour is just not on imho.

not so much the dope smoking, (I dont smoke it either btw) but maybe the if you get in trouble doing illegal drug growing and selling is fine, long as you dont get caught!

That's true though, isn't it?

havent looked at the full thread but if it were my kids i wouldnt be letting them go anywhere near. neither would i let them in your place. anyone who grows stuff is into it in a big way and theyll be bringing it with them. regardless of what country your in your kids should not be exposed to this. get around the access issue by meeting up on neutral territory, theme park picnic, etc in a public space. that way you can make your excuses and leave if you feel uncomfortable. and be firm with your partner. he must support your decision.

They are being unreasonable. You have only said you won't go there, but they are still welcome to visit you, if I hear you right.
I don't know what you could tell the kids, other than the truth. But they may tell others about it. But that is the price they (fil bil have to pay I guess, for being so stupid as to do it where they live. Very foolish.
Couldn't they do it somewhere else, rent a place for it or whatever? If they are going to be crooks that is their choice, but they cannot expect you to bring kids around a grow op. That would be unfit and honestly, worth removing the kids from your care if cs heard about it. What if you were there and the police came, or some thugs to do a home invasion?
Stick to your guns, and I know nothing about sponsors, can you find a new one and switch?

If your ILs are citizens, why isn't your DH a citizen too? Why did you need sponsors to go and live in the US, is what I'm getting at.

You should absolutely not give in to the emotional blackmail of your MIL, marijuana or no. Threatening suicide is no way to treat people. Stand up to her, and get your DH to do the same.

Of course the criminal FIL wants you to go along with his plans and will not listen to reason and try to make you and your DH out to be the onions in the ointment. Stand your ground there too. There will be horrible immigration and possibly even child custody consequences for you and your DH if you allow your DCs to go to the ILs' house, knowing what you know about what they are doing. And you can bet your bottom dollar that your FIL will be tempted to shop you if push comes to shove and he sees some advantage for him in pointing fingers at someone else at some stage if law enforcement becomes involved in his life.

If your FIL is an amateur new to the business of marijuana-growing and dealing, you can bet he is probably under surveillance already and not half as smart as he thinks he is. If I were you I would go and speak to a lawyer about the possible ramifications of your situation before things go tits up and not after.

There is no reason why you should cut off ALL contact. Just don't got to THEIR house.
Why not meet at a theme park or something and have a day out?
Or is he so paranoid (FIL) that he won't leave his house for even one second?

I would compromise by letting my kids visit with them in my home.
Whoever said the bit about dodgy electrics/mold/etc. hazards is spot on; I'd be loathe to let my kids spend time there on that basis.

why not just phone an anonymous tip into the local police?

Well, Ripeberry, a classic MJ-overuse symptom is paranoia...

I can understand OP not wanting to report her relatives, they are 'family' after all.

But keep in mind...
what they are doing is probably a felony crime. It may well be a further offense (in your state) not to report to the police if you know that a felony is being committed -- pleading that you weren't directly involved or that they are family doesn't get you off.

Especially if you are not a citizen; you have very few rights. They can deport you on a whim, pretty much.

Best strategy is for OP & her DH & her kids never to set foot on the premises where the mj is being grown. If/when the police raid the ILs, it will be a lot easier to claim no involvement if none of you have been seen coming and going. You can tell the police that you didn't going around there because they seemed like stoners and you didn't feel comfortable with the kids being around it (that's vague enough, probably not to implicate you). I would also make sure you don't have any financial entanglements with them. So if they have loaned money or are paying for your rent -- find the money elsewhere/pay them back. You do not want to be seen to be benefiting from their proceeds of crime.

Cutting them off completely will probably not be worth it, though, the police will still investigate because of the close family link. Just make sure police can't observe have anything to suggest you knew what was going on or were part of it.

My dad is a superior court judge in CA, if that's any help I could wing an email outlining your general situation (in a 'This is a story I heard on the Internet' way that doesn't get either of you in trouble) and see what he says. But would only help if you're in CA.

Ok to answer all the questions,

My DH is a American Citizen, however when we came over we did not have enough cash that the visa required to support our family size. So therefore I needed a sponsor or someone to say they would support me so i wouldn't be a drain on the system.
We have never recieved any money from them and they pay none of our bills. My husband works and i am at a stay at home mum/mom. Yes i can legally work and would if i needed too.
We have not set foot on the premises none of us since Christmas day when i discovered the "farm". No worries there none of us will ever be there again.
My DH does support me 100% it took a while for him to totally understand my concerns but now he does he does not want anything to do with it and will not go over to the house.
We currently live about 1 mile from then but as soon as our lease is up in the summer we are moving away from them as far as possible. Still the same state but not within a stones throw!
I would love to shop them after the past 3 months heartache they have put me and my family through but they are still DH's family.
My question is now do we start to let extended family know what is going on?
We have been invited to family events and feel uncomfortable accepting due to not knowing mainly if FIL will be there.
They have obviously started to make money from the "farm" now and buying things ie/ mobile phones, pedigree dog, new furniture.
Telling us about it and expecting a happy response.
I just feel so uncomfortable in either of there company, to be honest it disgusts me knowing my children have a drugdealer as a grandfather.
MIL keeps trying to arrange things for the 4 of us concerts etc and DH just keeps declining. DH never phones MIL or FIL as has nothing to say to either of them. MIL phones and says have you fallen out with me?
This situation is never one i saw myself in.
Cantsupinate, we are not in CA but very very close a neighbouring state and would really appreciate some legal advice. I know every state has different laws but just a basic overview would really help?

We have had drug dealers in the extended family -- if you think it's unpleasant for you, imagine how it is for my dad wrt his employment.

Unfortunately the law varies a lot by state.
I think I was mistaken to think that in reality you might be forced to grass on them (although the offense does exist in theory, and has been applied in AZ for instance), you need to worry more about being charged as an accessory if police can find any evidence that you have done anything to help them (even if it's just advice on how to keep it secret!).

Would be best if you consulted a lawyer in your state.

Cops are human, though; they realise that good people can have bad relations.

OP, I must agree with you, no WAY would my children be going over to their house. You will be having who knows who popping by and I am sure you don't want your children near that. YA so NBU.

So glad you will not be having anything more to do with them and moving asap. Sad for your DH to lose his parents, but frankly they sound like real flakes even without the MJ.

I was wondering too how long it will take organised crime to get wind of your FIL's 'business' and try to horn in on the racket. ANY involvement in any sort of ongoing illegal activity, especially one as potentially lucrative as growing pot, is bound to attract the attention of greedy and dangerous groups. Terribly unsafe from every pov.

Just wanted to thank everyone for there advice and kind words.
I have now sort legal advice, and we have been told because of my greencard and potential risk of me being deported if they think i have any association with it we are to keep well away.
We are not to go there, they are not to come here, we are not to meet in park/street etc. Not to accept any sort of financial help, gifts from them.
We can go to family functions at other families house as long as a lot of other people around AND they don't bring any marajauna with them or are doing any deals.

DH is going to give MIL the news of all this today or tomorrow so i am expecting it all to blow up big time again. As they basically won't beable to see their grandchildren except at family events if we are both there. But we have to protect our family foremost and we never asked to be involved in this. They have made the decision to do this we haven't, but me being here on a greencard has big implications when they get caught. England looks so attractive right now

Their choice, their loss, you are so right. Stay strong and don't let them emotionally blackmail you.

Tell PIL to move to California.

But if they moved to California and it became legal to grow it they wouldn't be making as much money and i am thinking they are growing more than the 25 sq ft that they will legally allow

Just read about this in the local newspaper this morning, the illegal growers in the North of California are protesting the bill for exactly the reason that they will not earn as much as they do now and how it will effect the economy.