To think that these things do matter?

[ShadeofViolet]

DS2 is 3 and has a language delay and ASD. we have been trying to learn makaton for a long time now, but been putting extra effort in over the last month, with alot of help from Mr Tumble. He has picked up a few signs, like Teddy, Ball and Hat.

This morning when I was feeding him his breakfast we were all sat down at the table - he looked at a glass and signed 'oranhe juice'. I couldnt contain my delight and made a massive fuss of him. Its the first time he has put two signs together, and the first time he has used the sign appropriatly.

I nudge DH who had heard it too but had made no reaction, he grudgingly said well done. Afterwards I asked him why he didnt say anything and he replied that 'You shouldnt make a song and dance of everything, not everything matters'

Now I know he has had a very difficult time coming to terms with DS2's difficulties, and he does seem to shy away from him a little, but I was really shocked, and it was one of those moments where it hit me how he really feels. At the moment I am so mad with him I cant even be bothered to speak to him. He isnt here through the struggles and the frustration, so how the hell does he know about what matters?

AIBU?

DNBU.
Well done your son (and you for watching Mr Tumble). At least one of you is encouraging him.

YANBU its the little steps that make up the big ones, well done your ds and you.

YANBU, you must be so proud , well done to your son. Its a shame your DH can't be the same, he just doesn't understand the difficulties you and your son face every day

YADNBU as the parent of an ASD child I know just how important such progress is - well done you and well done your DS

yanbu. well done to your DS.

we get really excited when a DC does something new, these things should be celebrated!

hope your DH will realise it soon.

YANBU. It's easy for your DH to say or sign 'Orange juice', but for your DS, it's the equivalent of him reciting Shakespeare. Your DS also needs to know he has done something good, so he can repeat it.

Perhaps your DH is (wrongly) worried that if you make a big deal of the small things, your DS won't try any harder? You should try and explain to him that you will not make a song and dance of the sign for orange juice when DS is 17, but will set him more ad more challenging goals.

YA Def NBU.

I have a tear in my eye and have never even met you! (I don't think!)

Make the most of it that you possibly can, it can only encourage your DS to do it more and more. Well done him

That communication is a joy. Your DH is undermining both of you. Would he rather have an uncommunicative and frustrated DC? He should grow up!

Well done to your DS and at your DH. He's really missing out if he fails to appreciate milestones of progress like this.

It's a good thing your DS has you around to champion his achievements

of course it matters!!!
dh bvu, and yanbu
you have to continue what you're doing encouraging him a lot and showing you're proud of his achievements, if dh wont join in with that that's his problem but atleast ds will have you showing support
i dont understand your dh, does he think you should just ignore it then?? how on earth would that help your ds, he would feel noone is bothered, no motivation to keep improving

well done to your lovely ds!

one thing I thought was: maybe your dh wants to downplay your son making the right sign for orange juice because he is scared of getting his own hopes up of your son making huge progress in his communication.

maybe he's not sure how to react so was a bit flat when you told him.

I can understand why you're cross with your dh, I would be too! But maybe he's just scared of getting excited.

YANBU - but it may well be that your DH doesn't understand why using two signs together in a meaningful way is actually a huge step in language development, and not just something which "doesn't matter". It sounds like maybe he doens't know about the things you are doing with DS, or understand the point - that's probably because as you say he "shies away" from the issue. But it might be worth trying to explain some of the important stages that DS will be gradually reaching, so that he understands what's going on. But I know that's difficult if he won't pay attention.

YANBU
V worried when you say DH seems to shy away from him, what do you mean? is he avoiding him? if so, need to work on that as this will have devastating effect on child(IMHO)

yanbu
I skip arround the room when dd signs a new sign.
well done to your son

I'm sorry to hear that your DH reacted that way. I am not going to defend it either but my cousin has a boy with similar problems and on one occation her DH said "it would have been better if he hadn't been born". Needless to say things weren't great for my cousin at that time. However, now that the boy is older (8 years old) and his dad has had a chance to come to terms with his difficulties he's no longer comparing him to their older son who hasn't got the same problems, but is enjoying him for himself. It did take a few years and I'm not sure what broke the standoff but I do think my cousin putting him in charge of the boy a bit more helped. Perhaps you can try to get your DH responsible for something with your son once a week? You could be around, for both of them if it all goes pearshaped the first few times, then perhaps go and do something for yourself when you see that it works. I hope he comes around soon.