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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with the word 'rape'being used too freely?

31 replies

Coldhands · 21/03/2010 18:54

I have notice that a couple of people from my family on facebook use the word rape quite a lot as their status.

It does bother me quite a bit as I don't really like the word anyway and the actual meaning of the word needs no explaining.

I went on to my sisters page and her status said that she was going to rape some boy (she is 12), then loads of her friends were all commenting, including the boy and they all seemed to find it really funny.

Another girl also uses the word quite a lot and once I did actually comment.

I don't bother to look at their profiles much and this has confirmed to me why I don't. Am I just being over sensitive and really out of touch with teens today or would others find this unacceptable too?

OP posts:
OTTMummA · 21/03/2010 18:59

lets hope that anyone who uses the word so freely doesn't have to endure the horror of its meaning.

I would be having a work with my sister and mother who put that on such a public forum, she clearly hasn't realised what an emotive word it is.

how would she like it if she had been raped and saw a friend/relative using it so flippantly! (sp)

Original poster
Coldhands · 21/03/2010 19:03

I thought of having a word. I may have to speak to my dad (me and my sister have the same dad, different mums).

Neither my sister or her mum are going to be very receptive to me commenting on something she has put on facebook due to past incidents on there, which is why I don't talk to her on there anymore. Unfortunately I happened to have a quick look on her profile today. Her mum is also on her friends list, and I can't see her saying anything to her DD.

"how would she like it if she had been raped and saw a friend/relative using it so flippantly!" I couldn't agree more.

OP posts:
norksinmywaistband · 21/03/2010 19:03

Yanbu I agree horrid and innappropriate of the word.

I believe in this context they mean to hijack that persons account and change details and post things that would be funny to everyone reading it.

I'm sure a nicer and more accurate term could be used though

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 21/03/2010 19:04

I absolutely agree, but I get the feeling if we say anything we'll be the ones who need to lighten up

For a few weeks, several people on my facebook did nothing but say "facebook rape!" as their status messages. Not a word to be bandied about, imo.

chefswife · 21/03/2010 19:06

Clearly the definition isn't clear to the girl because rape (a noun) is, by definition, a MAN forcing someone to have sexual intercourse using the threat of violence. Figuratively it is used for destruction of, say, the land. I think teens are using sensitive words these days as metaphors because 'fuck' just doesn't cut it anymore for risky language. Its pathetic more than anything really.

FabIsGettingThere · 21/03/2010 19:06

If your sister is on facebook at 12 then she is breaking the T & C as you have to be 13 and if she is using rape like that, someone needs to have a word. Quickly.

BritFish · 21/03/2010 19:07

sadly, people have been making jokes using the word rape for years. but then we use the word 'murder' even more frequently. god, i could murder a coffee, im going to kill him! etc.
its not appropriate, but it cant really be changed. shes not going to stop using it because of anything you say...

chefswife · 21/03/2010 19:08

YANBU BTW. Teens really have no sense of consequence or reality for that matter... OH, to be back in that mind set..lol

BritFish · 21/03/2010 19:14

im not suggesting anyone should 'lighten up' about rape btw, im just saying, its a word, and as exampled above, we use an equally devastating word casually in everyday conversation, dont take it to heart.
and she is too young to be on facebook anyway, cant stand parents who let their kids on it earlier, the rule is their to protect our kids, internet safety anyone...

Amapoleon · 21/03/2010 19:19

I think it seems to be a trendy word at the moment. My brother aged 20 and his friends use it. It's awful. They use it to mean over powered , for example Liverpool were raped by Manchester united . They also use it as terminology for hacking e.g my facebook account has been raped.

It's a horrific word to use.

Original poster
Coldhands · 21/03/2010 19:21

I know she is too young. Her mum lets her do pretty much what she likes. She already has her belly button pierced and swears like mad at her mum. She won't do it to my dad but he doesn't live there and her mum just overrules anything he says and lets her DCs do whatever they like.

Britfish, I also don't use the term 'murder' or 'I'm gonna kill you'. Don't like them either so I know where you are coming from with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Coldhands · 21/03/2010 19:23

Yeah I've noticed this whole "facebook rape" thing, and my DHs cousin is always going on about the cat trying to rape her. It does my fucking head in tbh!

Don't understand why they seem to think it is a 'cool' term or whatever the reason is behind its use.

OP posts:
FacePalm · 21/03/2010 19:23

When I was at uni, there was myself, another girl, and a lad who shared a house. One day that boy's car was scratched...he was on the phone to his friend, and he actually said it "felt like I have been mechanically raped"!!! We were all sat in the room together, and saying that, in front of two girls, one who had been raped, and he knew that, was pretty damn stupid and silly.

So nope, yanbu.

menomena · 22/03/2010 00:40

YADNU being unreasonable.

I see comments like this quite often on FB too and really hate it. It's disgusting, tasteless, unnecessary and absolutely sickening I think you should say something to your sister and make her see that it is not a joke.

I think I am "oversensitive" to it because I have been raped but any decent person should be able to see that it's just not funny.

Heracles · 22/03/2010 00:42

It's been shorthand for "check out my edgy bad self" for a while now. Pretty unpleasant all told...

LadyBiscuit · 22/03/2010 00:49

That facebook raped thing has now been shortened to the even more unpleasant 'fraped'. YANBU - I nearly started a thread about this earlier too. I find it really distasteful

Condensedmilkaddict · 22/03/2010 01:19

Hideous. I had not heard this til now. Another reason why children should not be on Facebook.

SolidGoldBrass · 22/03/2010 01:24

It's naff and juvenile and insensitive, but there are more important battles to fight than stopping teenagers being crude and silly. OP you mention previous issues with your sister and FB: are you in the habit of policing her posts and telling her off for everything? If so, she might be doing this partly to wind you up anyway.

Original poster
Coldhands · 22/03/2010 09:39

No SGB, There was something a while ago when she was messaging me through the chat bit, I always put that I am offline now. It was just the way she was talking to me, being really rude and I won't be spoken to like the way she speaks to her mum and I let her know that, which really pissed her off. Her attitude and the way she speaks is disgusting. I don't comment on her posts but I just happened to see this one and it really pissed me off.

Glad to see I'm not alone with how disgusting it is to use terms like this.

OP posts:
thedollshouse · 22/03/2010 09:44

I had to leave Facebook because I was finding it too depressing. I wasn't sure whether it was Facebook that I hated or the fact that it gave me an insight into peoples lives that are so far removed from my own. Either way I always ended up feeling dirty after being on it.

bibbitybobbityhat · 22/03/2010 09:51

Oh if you find it offensive (and I agree with you) just say something! You are an adult, she is a kid, be brave and rock the boat. It really doesn't matter if she doesn't like it - hopefully one day she will look back and be embarrassed. There is no need to pussy foot around her.

Original poster
Coldhands · 22/03/2010 09:52

I have deleted a load of 'friends' I don't actually speak to, got rid of all applications and hidden people who constantly join every group and update their status with crap all the time. I only use it now to keep in touch with friends who don't live where I do and to arrange nights out with a group of us. It is much easier to do it that way than individually text everyone trying to find out who is available when. Must admit I am getting very fed up of it. Particularly the groups that keep popping up that should never be allowed.

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tethersend · 22/03/2010 10:12

I think it's about the semiotics. Perhaps the word 'rape' is evolving in it's meaning? After all, it is only a word; it is what it signifies which is abhorrent. If it is being used to signify something else, then the distaste only happens as its meaning changes.

As BritFish points out, we could all 'murder' a coffee.

How many of us have called a child a 'little bugger'?

I'm all for examining the use of the word 'rape', and its evolution, but I don't think the word should be confused with the act IYSWIM.

I also think rape should be spoken of freely, and not in hushed tones or with reverence. We already have a culture of victims afraid to speak out.

BritFish · 22/03/2010 15:32

tethersend, what a good post.
rape is still one of the, if not THE most taboo subject, making it so difficult for victims to talk to their families, talk to the police, let people know that this crime has happened to them.
if we treat this word as taboo, it makes the subject taboo.
yes its not an appropriate use, but as ive said, we use other words with many different meanings every day, and i think that's what the word rape is turning into. it is not mocking victims, people dont use the word to offend, they use it as part of the ever developing language.
i've called a nasty child a 'little sod' before, doesnt mean anything more than a frustrated insult.
sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
actions speak louder than words. etc etc.

OrganicHairbrush · 22/03/2010 15:49

Words are words, and only have the power we invest in them. And yet, the non-consensual sexual penetration is horrific, whatever one calls it. So I guess the question is, doing the concept of "facebook rape" trivialise actual rape? I don't think so... no matter how mch I could murder a cup of tea, it doesn't make Ian Huntley's crimes less dreadful.