To be livid with DH?

[redandyellowandpinkandgreen]

He went out yesterday to go to a gig. I knew as I dropped him off near the train station he wouldn't go. He would have had to get the train, wait for a lift, stayed over at a friend's the night, oh the effort of all that, puff sigh, too hard. So I asked him to call me when he got there.

He didn't call.

I called him, several times, he didn't answer. Eventually (like 4 hours after I dropped him off) he sent a text saying he would be home soon. Then he came home and said he couldn't be bothered to go to the gig so hadn't. He had been in pub.

I am fuming on several levels:

1. His 'can't-be-botherdness' about things, he let people down over this, he would have enjoyed it if he had gone but he would rather sit in the local pub.

1. His ignoring my calls, and he was definitely ignoring. I hate the thought of him sitting in the pub pulling faces and ignoring my calls, although admittedly this may be my imagination.

1. He lied about going, he says it wasn't a lie and he fully intended to go but I knew he wouldn't, he didn't even take an overnight bag FFS.

I am SO cross today I can hardly breathe with it. Overreaction or justified?

Surely it's only manners to ring and say I've changed my mind, not going to the gig, going to the pub instead. Why is that a big deal? The OP called him because she'd asked him to phone when he got to the gig and he didn't - she then (presumably) thought, where the hell is he? She rang him to find out and he ignored the calls - why on earth would your husband do that? Weird.

I guess if my Dh wnated to go to a gig, I'd be happy for him to go - its not very often, it would be a band he'd want to see, it would be an "event" and I'm sure I'd be happy for him to go...

If he announced he fancied spending 4 hours in the pub of an evening by himself, getting drunk alone, then I'd be less inclined to be happy with him going (and him going out means I have 3 children to deal with myself - I don;t know how many children the OP has)

Basically what I'm saying is a gig is a one off event, he can't help the scheduling of it, and I'd be happy to look after the DCs myself for an "event" - whereas him sitting alone in the pub isn;t an event and I'd be narked to be managing at home for no real reason.

So yes, OP I can see your point and YANBU to be narked at him for leaving you alone for an evening for not an event.

Are you saying that you thought he was lying about going to the gig all along?

I think YABU to be calling him all night when you didn't really know that he hadn't gone. But YANBU to generally feel like he could be making more effort to do what he planned to do, I guess.

OP, I must admit I am puzzled by your DH's behaviour. Since he took no overnight bag with him, he set out with no intention of getting the train. So why get you to drop him at the station? And was this part of a journey you were making anyway, or did you chauffeur him specially (in which case I'd be annoyed at him putting me to that trouble when he already knew he wasn't going.)?

I'd be annoyed rather than livid, but from what you say this is not a one-off, so I can see how annoyed could grow into livid over time.

Does he have a drink problem?

No, you are definitely not being silly, and you definitely should NOT apologise to him. He lied to you, said he would call when he got there and didn't, and then ignored your calls. You have nothing to be sorry for at all - he should be the only apologising for his behaviour.

one, not only

YANBU-but why take him to the station?

You printed out the train timetable and dropped him off and asked him to phone you as soon as he got there, when he didn't you phoned him repeatedly.

That would drive me to drink too.