to wish we hadn't bothered to travel up for my friend's birthday?

[onthepier]

It was a "landmark" birthday, can't say which one as I don't want to identify her, but anyway, she and her family live a long way from us and as we were friends at school, go back a long way etc I was keen to go.

The point is, myself and dh don't drive but travelled up by train with our two dc's. Dc's enjoyed the whole weekend btw, playing with the other children. Journey was no problem as we're used to train travel and our friends were really pleased to see us when we arrived. However, at the party she introduced us to their other friends as "the only family we know who manage without a car!" This didn't offend me of course but I couldn't get over the amount of questioning myself and dh had throughout the evening from people, "How do you manage, we feel so sorry for you, what about your kids, I suppose you can't really do anything with them but get them to school and back",

By the end of the evening I'd had enough and so had dh. (Driving hasn't come naturally to either of us although dh did pass his test years ago), but fortunately we're in a good position financially and spending out
on transport isn't an issue for us, so we actually miss out on nothing and neither do the kids!

It all started again the next day as we stayed two nights at my friend's house. She just kept harping on about everything her kids do and how sorry she feels for ours in our position, I was happy to tell her all that our two manage in a school week, they also go to activities and do a lot weekends with us or their friends, (all transport sorted and paid for by us, we don't rely on other people!), but this didn't seem to cut any ice. Her dh's parting shot to the kids at the end of the weekend was, "You poor things, having to go all the way home by TRAIN!" They've always enjoyed train travel, we pre-book seats and they spread their toys out, have access to the buffet bar etc. We find it relaxing too but people don't seem to believe us!

I did enjoy seeing our children having a nice time, and it was good to see my friend again, but both dh and I came away feeling we'd spent best part of £150 rail fare and almost a day each way travelling, to be criticised. Just a "Thank you all for coming" would have been nice!

I think when you have a car, and live your life planning journeys using it, you forget there are other ways of doing it! All drivers are probably a bit guilty of this - for example, I feel like a car is a "necessity" for a caravan holiday in order to have days out and explore the local area - but it really isn't, and friends of mine have proved it! For days out, in fact, we have started going by train, as it is much easier than trying to find parking - and the DC's love it!!

YANBU to be annoyed at your friend though. Why would she go on about it so much?! I can imagine that must have been very irritating.

Really..... The WHOLE weekend was about your train journey?? Or are you being selective?You sure you aren't being over sensitive?

Blimey. As if there's nothing worse in this world than having to go by public transport with your kids, or - god forbid - actually walk.
You might say sympathetically to her, what a shame your kids don't get to enjoy interracting with their neighbours/getting fit/getting to know their way round their neighbourhood/experience the fun of an outing by train or riding on the top deck of a bus etc etc...
Instead they get strapped into seats and ignored for the duration of a journey in the back of a car. Lucky them.
You have got a point about train fares though. They are bloody ridiculous.

YANBU. Maybe she's jealous, finds it all a bit overwhelming and is in awe as to how you cope and her first reaction to this is by jumping down your throats about it.

I managed without a car for years but succumbed when I got my current job (antisocial hours, leaving work after midnight, that sort of thing). I hate driving, resent paying £stupid for fuel, car tax etc and am insanely jealous of people who manage without a car.

I think people get so reliant on their cars for even ridiculously short distances that they really cannot understand how people cope with walking/public transport.

YANBU. I can't drive any more because of my epilepsy, and now that I've adjusted (mostly!) to public transport, nothing pisses me off more than people remarking on how I 'manage' wihout a car - especially my mum, who should know better. When I was looking for work it was at its worst, with my mum commenting on how hard it would be to get a decent job if I was reliant on public transport. Thanks, just what I need .

My DP had a few lessons ome years ago, and is thinking of learning this year (so we can go visit my mother in Cornwall - I'd rather not carry two young children plus travelcots etc. up and through London on the tube etc.), but Arrg! People seem to get this incredulous look on their faces.

I guess all you can take from that party is that at least your DC had a nice time. And make sure htey know how much they peeved you by going on about it before you venture up there again. (or say what MudandRoses suggested - classic!)

I get this too (can't drive due to Dyspraxia) and I live in London. Such a shame the city doesn't have a mass public transport system... I'm fed up of people telling me I NEED to learn to drive (apparently my medical problems can be ignored) and that if I don't I'll be 'wasting' my life (thanks, that makes me feel better!). I get to places just fine with buses and trains and the trusty tube, or heaven forbid, sometimes I actually walk places. I do wish I could drive but I find it so difficult and frightening due to the problems caused by Dyspraxia that I'm too scared to try and learn again and I don't think I'll ever manage to co-ordinate myself to pass plus I've survived my life to date using my feet and public transport so I daresay I'll manage should I never get my license.

lol We have just been from SW London to the seaside for £11 for 3 people for the day so trains fares can be great if you get then right.People are always pitying us but in the next breath saying how fab it is that dd gets taken out for such lovely long bike /bus /train rides etc. Tis all very wierd.

Yeah I get this too. "Tut tut, How do you manage with DCs and not driving"

uhm...let me think... trains, buses, bikes, legs, trams, scooters.....

I always think it shows a willfull lack of imagination.

Thanks for your replies, I'll just add that we were very happy to pay what we did for our train travel, we're used to paying roughly that anyway to visit my parents. I just feel our friends could have taken into consideration the fact that we wanted to see them enough to pay that sort of money, rather than criticise our lifestyle!

"Threeblondeboys", I wouldn't say the WHOLE weekend was about our travel arrangements, but the night of the party seemed to be, being introduced as "the couple who don't drive" seemed to set us up as being an object of curiosity and while we're happy to explain our lifestyle (if pushed to), we don't really enjoy having to justify ourselves, (we shouldn't have to)! Well my dh doesn't even try, he just adopts a slightly bored expression with the "Your poor kids, we don't know how you manage" comments, so I suppose people then aim their comments/questions at me! My dh works long hours so I suppose from day-to-day I'm with the dc's more, I feel I put a lot into making sure they do all they want to do and more, and hate this criticism that they don't have the benefits that kids of parents who drive have.

I did have some nice times with my friend over the few days but tbh, the party, lunch next day, driving out to an adventure park and preparing to travel home, our friends wanted to constantly talk about us as non-drivers but in a "pitying" sort of way. As happy with our lifestyle as we are, this constant "pick pick pick" does grate!

"MintyMoo", although I've never been diagnosed with dyspraxia, I've read a lot about it and am 90% sure I have it, learning to drive was a nightmare co-ordination was, much as I can see from your post as it was with you. I've sometimes thought of saying to people who won't let the driving subject drop that I'm (almost certainly) dyspraxic, but not sure people would really understand,