AIBU dreading leaving my DC1 when in labour second time?

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Am two weeks from due date with second and terrified about leaving my son whilst I have new baby. Feel terribly guilty that have barely given new baby a second thought and all I'm concerned with is getting home asap (cant have homebirth) to see son. MIL coming to ours to care for him (altho refuses to carry mobile phone and therefore could be anywhere just at point in time we need her). She doesnt understand why I have any concerns, says she never worried about leaving her children and 'cant see what the fuss is about' Favourite phrase is (grrrr...) 'you will just have to get on with it'. This of course I know but a little understanding/compassion wouldnt go a miss. Especially given hormonal, close to due date etc....?? Agree anyone? I have packed all his its in a bag so she doesnt ave to search for anyting but she has never put him to bed and has no interest in finding out what we do usually in order to replicate. Whole issue is keeping me awake at night. Husband agrees but says it will only be a short time and if son does things differently for one day it wont hurt......but that is not the point!!!!! Any advice/consolation from others who have experienced???

How old is your first? Have you really never been apart from him? Why can't your husband been with him if you're worried about her not following instructions?

TBH you are coming across a leetle PFB.

I think you just need to relax a little bit. It is natural to be worried about how you and your son will cope, as up until now you have only had him to worry about, but your MIL is right that you will have no choice but to get on with it - worrying about it in the meantime is only going to be counter-productive and make you more stressed. Your husband is also right in that if your MIL does things differently for a day it won't really matter.

I was very much like this before I had my second DS, and I would really urge you to get to grips with it now, before you have your second child. In my case, I didn't (despite leaving my first son with my mum who had had him plenty of times before) and to be honest I found it incredibly difficult to bond with my second son. Even after we came home from the hospital I was more concerned with how my first son was and most of my focus was still on him.

I went throught the motions with DS2, feeding him, changing him - but in all honestly, if the milkman had offered to take him off my hands I'd have said yes! I had no clue what to do with him, as "he didn't do it like DS1, DS1 used to do this..."

It took six long months before I suddenly woke up one morning, looked at DS2 and thought "bloody hell, I really love you!"

I think if I'd been more focussed on the second baby before he actually arrived things would have been very different. We now have two gorgeous boys of 9 & 7 who I love totally, but in different ways, and neither of them appeared to be scarred by having to put up with me for those 6 months!

Try to relax and spend a bit of time thinking about this beautiful new baby you're about to be introduced to, and who will be a blessing to all of you, including your son. x

We had never left our DS1 overnight when I gave birth to DS2 in January. Granny came to ours to stay and he was absolutely fine.
I was a bit worried about how he would react but he wasn't at all bothered (he was almost 2) as he sees Granny a lot. I was away from home for another night after the night I went in IYSWIM and again, no problems. The only thing he wasn't keen on was coming in to hospital to see us!
As for how you feel, things will take over really, so long as you know he is safe you have the birth to concentrate on and then a teeny (or not so, DS2 was 10lb 1oz!!) baby in your arms. Then you have the joy of introducing DS1 to their new brother or sister .
I know it's hard but try to relax about it a bit, your DS will be fine and probably won't even remember and you will have a lot more to think about!

YANBU

If you have never left your DS before then it is going to be difficult, especially as you will have pregnancy hormones making you feel emotional.

Your DS will be fine, your MIL may not do it the same as you, but that doesn't matter. Leave a note packed with his things anyway. She may even read it when your not there to see her

People are very different when it comes to leaving their children, horses for courses and all that, but it doesn't make your feelings any less valid.

Good luck with the birth

TBH I do trust her but our relationship isnt great, and you're right, I dont feel she respects my parenting (or my concerns). I have a friend I could ask (and she is on stand-by)but as MIL lives nearby it would cause WW3 if DC1 was left with anyone else. I have left him when returning to work, but of course not ovenight. Thats the time that concerns me the most really. I admit I am a little PFB but I cant help it! My own mum live too far away. I know in my heart of course it'll be fine, its just that I'm anxious about it. Husband so keen to be at second birth so he wont be able to stay with DC1.

I have had the same concern (not about not following instructions but was too worried DD would wake up in the middle of the night and screem the house down because she would have been left with my aunt she hardly new) when I was due to give birth to Ds2.

Eventually Dh and I decided that he would bring me to hospital but would go back home for a bit and then come back to see me so he would be with me but also with DD1. Turned out that he went back home for an hour and got in back in the hospital just in time to see DS's birth!

For DS3 and DD4 he just dropped me in hospital (at my request)as it was really more relaxing for me to know that he was with them. I was fortunate enough to have short easy labours though, might have felt different and asked the MW to call him back if things had turned a bit harder.

Maybe good to have your MIL on standby just in case? (She could stay at yours with your DH so they would be waiting together and if you need him at your side at some point she would be there to look after your first Dc? A few hours, even if she does not follow instructions to the letter.

Thanks all, particularly easylife73. I have already felt less attached to poor new baby because of anxiety re DC1. I know everyone feels they cant possibly love another child as they do their 1st..and then of course they do. But you are right, the last thing I want is to interrupt the bonding process with my new baby. I am trying to be reasonable and trying to put things into perspective. Hat being so precious about it all, but I must admit if it was anyone else apart from MIL situation wouls probably be different. (Anyone else sense the real issue here??? . Judging by the fact 2nd babies generally arrive more quickly than first I hope I wont be away too long anyway. I felt exactly the same when returning to work, and he seemed to survive that without me! I think this is one of those situations where it is my separation anxiety...not his! Humble apologies for being so PFB!