to let DD fib to school about why she was late?

[EccentricaGallumbits]

She has major problems being in big crowds and too close to people.
Assembly is usually OK because it is held in the school theatre with chairs for all the pupils. Today though something else is on in there and assembly was to be held in the gym with pupils sitting on the floor.

DD spent all evening yesterday and half the night in absolute panic at the thought of this.

I have told the school (more than once)that this is part of her refusing to go and they have done nothing at all to help or offer alternatives.

So today I took her to school half an hour late.

DD then had a (n other) major panic about what reason she had to write down when she signed herself in.
She doesn't want people thinking she is weird or teachers having a go at her because she struggles to fit in.
So she asked if she could tell then she had a dentist appointment.

i'm fed up with school ignoring us and not trying to help at all so I said she could.

I shouldn't have should I?

too many anxious and anxieties in there.

what can i use instead?

Leave it as it is, tbh in the current circumstance i dont think you can stress it enough!!

Personally i would go into a little detail about how this is effecting you're home life too

have added a bit about home behaviour and sent it.

shall we have a little poll on how long it will take before she replies?

call me negative but I'll go with probably never.

EG

ew fab. don't do hugs

wonder where DD gets her autistic tendancies from?

but thanks.

sorry

was quite nice really.

Eccentrica - so sorry you are going through. I would make the letter less apologetic and move the bits referring to officials up.

So ...

Dear [family liaison woman who is never there and never returns my phone calls]

A you are aware, we are waiting for formal assessment from PDDAG with regards to DD2's issues with anxiety. The [psychologist] from CAMHS has been in touch with you to outline these difficulties.

In the interval before PDDAG develops a detailed plan for DD2, it is important the situation at school does not worsen.
At present she is attending regularly and making huge efforts to conform: this effort means that her behaviour in school is acceptable and it might appear that her problems have gone.

In reality she finds school life a daily struggle. She finds crowded places hard to deal with; particularly assemblies when she has to sit on the floor surrounded by others. On occasions when assembly is held in the gym this causes her excessive anxiety and the effects are felt at home where she is often distressed for hours at a time about things she has experienced during the school day.

[DD2] is very anxious about appearing different to other pupils. She deserves support to allow her to maintain her dignity at a time in her life when, like most teenagers, she is acutely aware of embarassment.

I would like speak to you, at your earliest convenience to work out a simple plan to try and reduce her anxiety and difficulties with school. If, for example,[DD2] feels anxious or unable to take part could she be excused and allowed to wait somewhere else, such as the library, until she can rejoin her class?

I feel a proper plan would really bolster the significant efforts she is already making on her own behalf.

Yours
Mrs Gallumbits

Got to run. Good luck

errors dotted through -sorry.

Would your DD be up to writing a letter/e-mail too? It won't necessarily make them think twice but it might help her to learn that she does have a right to request support and that she can expect to be listened to/receive a reply?

I agree with the previous teacher; is there someone she would feel happy standing with/sitting in their office whilst gym-based assemblies happen (presumably the assembly situation may worsen once GCSE exams start if the main hall is used)? I'm another teacher who makes arrangements for children who struggle with assemblies/coming into school and would think nothing of arranging for a pupil to shred some paper in the office/restock the photocopier with paper every morning if that helped reduce a child's anxiety about the hustle and bustle of first thing.

Your letter seems fine although I'd be inclined to alter the final paragraph so it's a bit more assertive:
On occasions when the theatre is unavailable for assemblies I would like DD2 to be told in advance that this is the case and, at the same time, given the option of waiting/working quietly in an alternative location until the assembly is over. We both believe this will help to reduce the extreme anxiety she experiences when assemblies are held in the gym. The alternative to this is that I am forced into a position whereby I have to withdraw her from all acts of collective worship at the school.

I wanted to offer some advice as to how my school help me(albeit 15 years ago) with similar problems with anxiety.

I had huge problems with assemblies. I was either allowed to stand or sit near the back or I was excused assemblies all together and allowed to sit in a classroom on my own until lessons started.

I had problems just sitting through classes as had panic attacks. The school gave me a card which had a brief explaination on it signed by my head of year saying I was allowed to leave the class whenever necessary. It didn't say why I needed to go just meant I didn't have to explain myself.

I had support from the SEN team and was able to sit any exams on my own. I think all my teachers were briefed on my problems so they had a sort of understanding of why I was a s I was. Unfortunatly I wasn't always able to keep it together at school so lots of kids knew I was different but few said anything about it.

However once I stopped hiding it I found there were several other people in my year who had different problems but meant they had similar needs - most of us are still in touch 15 years later.

Hope your daughter gets whatever help she needs. Just back her up and don't be afraid to be pushy. My Mum was great and in the end told the school I was basically allowed to come and go as I pleased (otherwise I just bunked off anyway if I couldn't managed and then she got phonecalls from the school). Looking back it was very hard but all these little things helped and I came out with decent GCSE's.

Another one here who cant cope with sitting in the middle of crowds - I'm on the autism spectrum. School assemblies were bad enough to make me feel faint unless I was on the edge of the crowd. Maybe she could sit at the end of a row each time in some subtle way that doesn't make her feel she's being 'different'? I think the big worry for us is that when we're most overloaded and stressed out, people want to talk to us and look us in the eye, and that's sort of like adding petrol to a house fire. We need to go somewhere really quiet and just let our brains 'cool down', IYSWIM?