to think that either MIL should tell me if I've upset her or stop being in a mood

[moffat]

Dh and I forgot about Mother's Day and only realised on the day. Dh apologised to MIL and gave her a hug, I didn't say anything as she's not my mum and I don't do anything for my own mum either.

MIL has been in a funny mood all week - can't tell if she's still upset about Mother's day or something else. AIBU to think that if she is upset about Mother's Day she should say something and if she is upset about something unrelated she should not take it out on me.

Ignore her. If she wants to be a funny mood for whatever reason, its not your problem.

Ignore the funny mood - if she wants to be like that, then let her, but don't pander to it

Could you open communication by saying "you seem a bit down, mil, is there anything the matter? Would it help to talk about it?" and if she just carries on in a huff and won't speak, you have at least tried. But she may be worried or upset about something completely different and welcome a chance to talk. Is she unaware that you don't celebrate Mothers' Day at all? My dh never did either. He says we should appreciate mums all year round, not just make the effort one day a year.

Thanks all - I am trying to ignore but it's bugging me. Girlywhirly if I ask her she might say (as she has once before) that before getting married dh used to do so much for her on special days and now everything's changed.

I do feel sorry for her when she says this and I do tell dh to call her etc and he does look after her but obviously she wants more. But I don't want the responsibility of telling him to do all this.

I think she knows that we don't do Mother's Day - even my dcs didn't do anything for me - but from her POV dh has always marked it so I can see that she thinks he still should.

dh an i are both sit at emembering special days.

If there is a birthday of a cousin or something and if dh was arsed enough - he should remember.

but there are important members of a family mum, dad, brother, sister.

but mothers day is something different.

as a mother to think you are not worthy enough of rememberence on this day makes you feel very very very shit indeed ( i speak from personal experience)

she's your MIL, which IMO makes it a joint responsability.

i think this was magnificently poor on both your parts and you should really try hard to make her feel special and happy.

If your husband bothered before, why doesn´t he now,OP?

moffat, I hear what you're saying. Some mils never get over the fact that they have been 'replaced' in their sons' life by a partner, and they can become jealous and difficult. You are his nuclear family now, and it hurts.

I get the impression from your post that you don't actually like her very much, and I think she knows this, which is why she feels you are influencing her sons' behaviour. Is mil on her own? this often makes makes them clingier. "She's not my mum" is no reason not to have a relationship with her in her own right, rather than just as your husbands' mother or the kids gran. But neither should she be able to emotionally blackmail in order to get her own way.

Some interesting thoughts here. I agree dh should remember stuff but he has in the past forgotten my birthday - I don't take it to mean that he doesn't care because he does lots of nice things too.

There are a lot of background issues. I don't dislike her, in fact most of the time I enjoy her company and do a lot for her, but I feel she can be too demanding. Dh does more for her than her other dcs and she has always favoured him - perhaps that is why she is so upset.

I suppose I think that she should accept that he is forgetful and should appreciate all the things that he does for her.