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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that talent competition at school should not be compulsory

16 replies

oldernowiser · 19/03/2010 09:18

School is doing 'X Factor'. All year 5 & 6 children have to take part, my grand daughter would rather chew off her own limbs than perform on stage.

I don't think it should be compulsory and I hate seeing her so anxious, so I'm considering letting her throw a sickie that day.

Or am I being over protective? Would it be good for her to try to tough it out?

OP posts:

dilbertina · 19/03/2010 09:21

Could she do something in a group with some others? There must be others who are less than keen and in a group it would be far less daunting.

lolapoppins · 19/03/2010 09:32

I really don't think they should have to take part if they don't want to. Can they have behind the scenes jobs for some of the kids to help with, like the lights/curtain/painting backgrounds so they feel like they have taken part in some way?

Not every child likes to perform. As an adult feeling like I had to take part in something like that at work would leave me pulling a sickle!

ljgibbs · 19/03/2010 09:40

Have a word with the school and tell them how she's feeling, there will be others who feel exactly the same as your DGD

Original poster

oldernowiser · 19/03/2010 09:53

I have discussed with the school. Apparently they do it every year, and they think it's fine to make them all do something 'because we all have some talent and it's good for the children to overcome these fears'.

No back stage options allowed, so her options are either to get in with a really big group and lurk at the back, or a sickie.

Grandson (year 5)sings like a drunk at chucking out time, and doesn't give a monkeys who's watching

OP posts:

CMOTdibbler · 19/03/2010 09:57

I can sort of see their point - for some children they wouldn't do it unless they had to, and then find that they quite enjoyed it.

But I would have done anything to not have to perform in front of others at that age (now, I'll stand up in front of anyone and talk).

If she joins a group of friends - even if they just mime to a song - would she be OK ?

Original poster

oldernowiser · 19/03/2010 10:12

I can see your point CMOT, I was much the same and have to speak at conferences for my job, so have had to get used to it. I'll talk to her about maybe a big group of them miming or something.

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 19/03/2010 10:35

It's a horrible thing to 'make' children 'perform'.

We all have different 'talents' in life - for some it's on stage, for some it's sport, for some it's academic things & for some it's being kind/caring - they are not mutually exclusive nor do we need to be good at all of them to be happy.

It's important children are given lots of different experiences and opportunities - but it's not good for them to be made to perform lions in a circus (nor is it good for the lions!!).

See if you can encourage her to get a large group of friends together to do something, but if not and she is really dreading it - let her stay home

There is a world of difference between speaking at a conference (on a subject you know) and singing/dancing etc in front of your school mates - a world of difference!

MissAnneElk · 19/03/2010 10:38

No, it shouldn't be compulsory. Neither of my DDs would want to do it. DD1 volunteered to do behind the stage jobs at their school production and DD2 just ignored it.

I don't like the idea of an X Factor type show anyway and I pity the poor parents who are going to have to sit through it

swanandduck · 19/03/2010 10:43

I don't think its really encouraging children to believe that they are all talented by forcing them to take part in a public 'competition' with people voting as to who's the best. Also, as someone has pointed out, not all talents lend themselves to this type of event. What if your talent is for creative writing, or cooking or drawing or swimming or something like that. An X factor type show is aimed at kids who can sing/dance/act which is a very limited view of 'talent'.

Original poster

oldernowiser · 19/03/2010 10:48

I'm really torn on this one, and can see both sides of this.

The other problem is that her teacher cheerfully admitted that it is a catalyst for falling out and bitchy (my word, not hers) behaviour between the older girls, so a large group may or may not be possible, depending on how well they get along. DGD has a small group of close friends who are a bit more outgoing so want to perform 'properly'

If she can't get into something she's able to live with then I might keep her at home and take her for a lovely long ride (which she would enjoy, and where she does show some talent!)

OP posts:

soapboxqueen · 19/03/2010 10:50

This can be difficult for schools to manage and I agree with all previous posts. Telling children that they don't have to do something will mean that some children who would benefit from won't do it. It can also teach some children that the rules don't apply to them and they can opt out of anything they don't like. Not that I'm suggesting that would happen here. While forcing children to take part creates high anxiety in some children and stores up problems for the future.

As a teacher i would try to encourage all of the children to take part as much as I could. Suggesting different activites they could perform on stage. Is there something your dgd is good at that she might feel more comfortable doing? Even if it's more academic or sporty?

If she is worried, then getting up just to introduce another classmate would help her to overcome her fears alittle. Backing out will not help to solve her worries.

However, if the school won't backdown and she must be all singing all dancing, I would be very clear about the effects this could have on her future self-esteem and that she will not be taking part unless other arrangements can be made.

GrimmaTheNome · 19/03/2010 11:04

Its wrong to force them to perform, especially if they aren't used to it. TBH by year 5/6 I would have hoped most kids had some experience of 'performing' on stage in class assemblies and the like - if your DGD isn't happy with even that sort of thing then this really is throwing in at the deep end.

slug · 19/03/2010 11:05

They did this at DD's school. Bless her, she's a lovely child but she can't hold a tune or dance for toffee. She walked on, drew a picture (because "I'm good at art Mummy")and walked off again.

soapboxqueen · 19/03/2010 11:09

loungelizard · 19/03/2010 11:23

I can't bear the way schools presume all children watch the XFactor. Some don't.

skinsl · 19/03/2010 11:26

no, it's not right.
I can see what they mean, trying to get the kids out of their "comfort zone" but they are kids fgs, not adults. this could damage them, could be one of those things they remember forever, when they were forced to sing in front of the class.
It's mean IMO.
I would actually emphasise to the school that you don't agree, and you are not being precious. i come from a family of performers and can hold a tune, but getting up in front of an audience has never been my thing.
I like slugs story!

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