to want dds grandparents to think before they speak?

[ilovetochat]

quotes from dds grandparents this week.

i got it from the black man on the market.

you need to watch what dd eats cos you dont want her to end up a fat git.

bloody (every sentence)

blummin car.

look how fat she is (at tv)

look at her ugly face.

look at that fat bugger.

probably one of them refugees.

probably one of them unmarried mothers (like me then)

why dont they shut up if they cant say anyhting nice, especially infront of dd, she is 2 and has already started saying bloody (which they deny saying) but i dont want her to be rascist, sexist, ageist etc.

YANBU- they sound horrid

dd loves them all, so excited to see them, cuddles them and sad when they leave but they have no idea how rude they are.

Are they your parents? Or her dad's parents?
Like you I would be wincing at this, and it maight be worth saying 'hang on - children present!', but except in the case of swearing, I doubt they will get that they are saying anything wrong at all. Trying to tackle this will start an endless war, and even if you win on some issues, another will crop up in it's place. Have confidence in your own parenting, let her see you being tolerant and respectful in the way YOU talk about people, and disapproving of personal rude comments, and with positive encourgement and example-setting from you, your dd will learn to encounter all sorts of people without immediately adopting their values.

After all, if these are your parents, you didn't turn out like them, did you?

Yuck. Try picking them up on it every time? Or at least miming incomprehension/ disapproval? My dad has finally acknowledged it might not be ok to refer to homosexuality as 'revolting', after 10 years of me using the whole battery of argument/anger/blanking, and if I can get to that point with him, anyone can do the same with their relatives' prejudices!

'Getting it off the black man at the market' isnt racist IMO.

The other stuff isnt very nice and I wouldnt want to keep hearing it all the time.

But your DD is going to hear this stuff and at least you can challenge it with her as she get older.

She will grow up with your influence and know that her GPs are moany old relics.

(like what blu said better than me really)

my dad and dps parents, tbh i grew up hearing some of this crap off my dad how fat people are repulsive and gays should be shot etc and it horrifies me. he is an educated man too.
dp parents are old and wont change. i pick them up on swearing but they say oh i didnt say that did i, and then say it again.
most other comments i ignore and distract dd asap.

thankfully my parents are unfailingly polite (my DSDs reckon they're posh, they aren't though!) but if anyone says something non-child-friendly I usually find a very loud AHEM!!! does the trick

I am completely sick and tired of DH's kids insulting people on tv/each other... they aren't that bad but I don't want my DCs to grow up thinking it's ok to be rude!!! Wish DH would tell them off more but not sure how much difference it'd make as they live with their mum

They would hate having my ds as their GC! He is the swearing police in our house.

He shakes his head very sadly and talks about mummy's swearing problem...And really, I rarely swear! But he gets very tutty and narrow eyed if I say even the mildest swear words...

Pick 'em up on it.

I agree your daughter is more likely to follow your example than her grandparents. But surely it will help if you make comments like: We don't use that word, it can hurt people's feelings.

I guess it will also help if you brief them beforehand on your new regime.

madamedefarge that is really sweet

he is not my child, I swear! (no pun intended!) must have been a mix up in the hospital.

She'll work it out.
Not to completely excuse their behaviour, but there is a generation gap there. Some things that are unacceptable today were perfectly acceptable 50 years ago. And yes, I know they should adapt, but wait til we're their age - bet we'll be stubborn too
My parents and DHs parents come out with some toe curlers too. But I think my kids are smart enough to know that everyone is different.
If something really bad comes up - racist/sexist whatever - I do have a talk with them about it. But I do give them credit not to parrot and accept every different opinion that they hear.

My dd actually pulled my dad up when he said something racist

YANBU and if it were me I would tell them straight to stop it. If they failed to do so I wouldnt take the kids to see them until they got the message.

i know there is a generation gap and they are old and ill and as dd loves them and they love her i would never come between them but a mute button would be great.

i like parakeets "we dont say that word as it can hurt peoples feelings" thanks

i think dd will start telling them herself soon, maybe that will work.

.

hellooooeeeeeeeeewww.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/937110-ilovetochat-want-a-chat-thread-2started a new thread as i couldnt find ours,yet again.

my dad is sooo narrow-minded it is unbelievable in this day and age, but i do think he is a product of his generation. he grew up in a very rural, catholic village and his friends are all pretty much still the ones he grew up with so they never really learned how others actually view things but i challenge him everytime i hear him saying something offensive. and not just incase my dses hear it but because it IS offensive and i think it's about time he realised that he is the one with the issues and not the people he is talking about.

chegirl although not specifically racist, would they say 'the white man at the market' if he was white? doubt it

bump