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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be worried about my husband & best friend going into business together?

21 replies

Purplerizla · 18/03/2010 19:49

My husband is currently unemployed and he is a fantastic graphic designer. My best friend of 20 years is coming into some money and wants to set up a business but has absolutely no idea how or what to do. so she comes to us for ideas. My husbands dream has always been start his own print & graphics business but we can't finance it, so he puts the idea to her. she loves the idea and decides that she is going to employ my husband and start a print shop. Now my concern is 1) i'm worried how this could effect our friendship as i can already see this ending in rows all round and 2)im concerned that after all the hard work that husband is putting into this and it is all him as she has no idea what she's doing, that all he's going to gain from this is a reference, where she is going to gain potentially a thriving business that my husband has built. Am i being completely paranoid.
i can't get it out of my head, i desperately need to hear somebody else views on the whole thing.

OP posts:
MrsVidic · 18/03/2010 20:12

If he is unemployed surely you have nothing to loose

I would however- chat with them both and set strict boundaries- eg- meetings on neautral ground in work hours

He also needs to get a contract

NappyValleyMum · 18/03/2010 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveMyGirls · 18/03/2010 20:22

I'm in a kind of similar position (I'd be the friend but without the money) Dh's best mate is the unemployed one, although the business was my idea and I do already have a business and a fair idea of what I'm aiming for with my next business but I'm not in a position to finance it at the moment so my plan is to build it up slowly, it's not something I can rush into. I've told our friend I can't afford to pay him but he says while he's unemployed it gives him a sense of doing something which keeps his spirits high so we are both gaining at the moment. I think if she is willing to pay your DH and he is willing to do it then where's the harm, at least he is doing something he is good at and enjoys and is getting paid for it plus it's something to put on his CV and I bet she would write him the best reference ever?

Portofino · 18/03/2010 20:27

Better to be employed than unemployed obviously, plus building a successful business must be a cv highlight also. I would ask for shares though if it is HIS skills that will get this started. Then it becomes a mutual drive to do really well.

porcamiseria · 18/03/2010 21:51

hmm I tend to think never mix business with pleasure, however some things to consider are:

If this is just a job, can there be an agreement in place that if he does elect to move on, there will be no hard feelings

If there an opening for him to become partner

Can you openly articulare YOUR concerns, is there a (understandable) twinge of jealousy

Share your concerns, and make sure they agree everything and look for every scenario uupfront

Boys2mam · 18/03/2010 21:56

The best of intentions can lead to the worst of problems - they need some sort of "contract" in place. If the business should take off, where does that leave your DH - an employee, shareholder or....not sure what the alternative is but this should all be clear from the outset.

I've seen the most robust relationships struggle under employment "issues".

ABetaDad · 18/03/2010 22:06

Be really careful. I would insist on a proper employment contract for your DH and at a proper rate of pay. That way there are no 'favours' or 'mates rates'. Also the contract should be clear that it terminates after 1 year so both sides can disentangle after giving it a go with no hard feelings.

That way your DH gets a job and your friend gets to try her business. If it is clean and contractual no one gets hurt. If it is a successful business DH can continue being an employee on a new permanent contract.

Don't start haggling over shares and stuff like that. Your DH will just be an employee where he has no job at the moment. He benefits with a steady pay packet for a year and your friend takes all the financial risks. That is that.

fallon8 · 18/03/2010 22:10

Is there a bit of you that is unsure about your BF and DH,being closley involved,without you?
I second the others,,get a legal contract.

Original poster
Purplerizla · 18/03/2010 22:18

thank you for the replies. well, we are defo in no position to put money into this, i believe that it's all being done legit and i'm sure she feels she's doing us a favour which in some cases she is. A contract is going to be drawn up and yes being employed is better than not. I have raised the idea of being partners obviously more so to my husband than to my friend. he seems up for it but i don't think he's thinking about his future as he seems wrapped up in the now. I have now found myself being the only person who sees everything that could possibly go wrong. As it's really nothing to do with me i don't want to be to sticking my nose in too much but i can't seem to relax with idea until all these question have been answered but DH doesn't seemed all that concerned.

OP posts:
catinthehat2 · 18/03/2010 22:23

I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole.

If he's that good why can't he get a job as a GD?

Why is he unemployed if he needs to get finance for his dream business? HAsn't he though t of working as something else to get the cash together?

Why has friend got no clue about her desire to set up a business? Would she have worked for the money to set one up - isn't it all to do with it arriving on a plate?

I see no entrepreneurial desire from either party, only the desire to have an easy time and leave it all to the other guy. I think they are both going to hit a very hard and unpleasant wall of reality quite quickly.

Hope I am wrong.

Original poster
Purplerizla · 18/03/2010 22:24

No i'm not concerned about them working closely together, my only concern would be if anything went wrong that there friendship would be in crisis and then i would be in the middle of my BF and DH. i dont want to be having to take sides because obviously my family is going to come first.

OP posts:
jasper · 18/03/2010 22:30

I formed a business partnership with a close friend of my husband's 18 years ago.

The partnership has been a great success, but I am now divorced from the husband

Actually everyone is happy now

Original poster
Purplerizla · 18/03/2010 22:33

DH isn't working because i wanted to go back to work last year but i didn't want to put the our kids into child care, so we swapped roles as although i my love children i was starting to loose my mind being at home all day, they are both in school and MIL will now be available to have kids before and after school. With regards to my friend, your right, she's no entrepreneur she's being given a chunk of cash from family to specifically start a business. Her mother's way of trying to make sure she's going to be when she's gone, but she seems really excited at the idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplerizla · 18/03/2010 22:36

jasper, was your divorce anything to do with the business?

OP posts:
catinthehat2 · 18/03/2010 22:39

"she's being given a chunk of cash from family to specifically start a business. "

Ah, your DH is going to need an ENORMOUS bargepole.

Her family are going to be all over this like a big spotty red rash, looking after their investment.

If it takes off your husband won't get a look in. If it doesn't he will have to take the risks of failure as if he is a shareholder. He will be paid a pittance. Friend will think she is ALan Sugar and buy an Audi TT as her company car.

greenfanta · 18/03/2010 23:04

it's better to be employed, less risk,holidays, no paperwork, tax etc.
i very nearly went into business with my best friend in 1995, although my dad was set against it, his words being " a partnership is a sinking ship", i also went to a solicitor for advice, and he also advised against it, i would have put in a 2/3 investment. in the end my friend accepted my decision to take my dad's and solicitor's advice. we are still good friends, she has her own successful shop, as do i.

Original poster
Purplerizla · 18/03/2010 23:06

thanx, feeling bit better now.

OP posts:
llareggub · 18/03/2010 23:13

We have a similar business and started with very little investment. Your DH could do this alone if he really wants to: a print shop would require more overheads then you really need. If you want to chat it through let me know.

catinthehat2 · 18/03/2010 23:13

If that is your husband's dream, he needs to think it through seriously and do it for himself. Really hope he gets the bug like Greenfanta.

jasper · 19/03/2010 00:19

purple, no, not at all.
The business has been a very important thing for me, and my ex h was completely supportive of me being in partnership with his (incredibly lovely) friend.

I have a very close friendship with my business partner

Still friendly with ex

CelticStarlight · 19/03/2010 01:06

My advice would be to avoid this at all costs - and I speak from very negative personal experience. Partnerships can be legally complex in the most minute ways that you don't think of when you are starting out. Partnerships with family/friends in particular can be fraught with difficulty and the fallout if things go wrong can be catastrophic to personal relationships.

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