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AIBU?

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Original poster

What is the point in young offenders prison places?

31 replies

humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 18/03/2010 15:00

Am very with (d)ss. He has just come out from his 3rd spell in prison. DH is devastated and what makes it worse is that dss seems to think it is all one big joke.
Basically, he was in court a year ago and given various punishments including a fine and community service/unpaid work and probation. He didn't pay one penny of the fine (which was compensation to his "victims") and after a warning, did a couple of weeks in jail instead.
Me and DH are but he was chuffed because the fine was written off.
Then he didn't bother to do community service or probation, again had a warning and ended up back inside twice more. Again me and dh are but he thinks it's excellent as that's his whole sentence done and dusted at very little inconvenience to himself????

We saw him last week and he was explaining that in the young offenders place although you spend a fair amount of time locked up, you get a tv with freeview to watch.
Now I understand being locked up would be hard to deal with, but if you are only ever in for less than a month, it seems like a perfect excuse to lie in bed watching E4 and some free music channels all day.

AIBU to think this is a total farce?

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 18/03/2010 15:06

no you're not bu!!!

its a dream for some people....and 3 (good) meals a day too!

Original poster
humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 18/03/2010 15:07

yeah, and then a couple of hours to hang out with the "boys" then back to tv????

OP posts:
Alambil · 18/03/2010 16:31

it makes me spit

bring back slopping out, I say

Original poster
humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 18/03/2010 16:39

Seems to me it's just like living at home with mummy except without the nagging... no responsibilities, just eat, sleep and watch tv all day

OP posts:
Original poster
humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 18/03/2010 21:56

Just seen the feckless bastard again, he is so smug, looks more like he just came back from holiday than prison

OP posts:
maryz · 18/03/2010 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shallishanti · 18/03/2010 22:23

did you visit him there?
they are really not nice places.
have you thought that it might just be bravado?

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 18/03/2010 22:24

Does he have a probation officer you can talk to?

2shoes · 18/03/2010 22:25

how old is he?

mazzystartled · 18/03/2010 22:30

I'd be surprised if he's really that blase deep down.

I used to arts work with young offenders and all the places I ever went to were bloody grim.

What are you going to do to help him get out of this cycle?

chegirlWILLbeserene · 18/03/2010 22:34

If they were such wonderful places the rates of suicide and self harm wouldnt be quite so high.

The bloke sounds a twat but he may well be showing off. He may have enjoyed the experience but how sad is that?

Original poster
humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 18/03/2010 22:34

maryz no I don't like him very much at the moment to be honest. He is 20 years old and behaved like a spoilt child. He did the crime and refuses to do the time - as the saying goes!
He has absolutely no regard for anybody but himself.
Dh, me, his mum, his stepdad, his grandparents, everybody has bent over backwards to help him, support him etc but he throws it all back in your face.
He seems to think it is all somebody elses fault.
It's more difficult for us as he lives a long way from here and currently he wants nothing to do with me and dh, but we are trying to support his mum (dh's ex) and she is desparate for him to sort himself out, but it's hard for her to intervene as technically he's an adult.
I guess, maybe now his conviction is spent, if that's the right word, he can move on with his life? But right now, all he wants to do is hang out with his new prison pals and brag about it.
To be fair to the lad, he is lovely, and he has so much potential, which maybe makes it worse...

OP posts:
Original poster
humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 18/03/2010 22:35

Actually thinking about it, I'm not really angry, I'm desparately sad that he is being so stupid and has got into this situation which he can't seem to find a way out of...

OP posts:
maryz · 18/03/2010 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coldtits · 18/03/2010 23:11

maybe, if he's really lucky, he hasn't been raped yet.

or would that help you to feel more like he's been punished?

cornsilk · 18/03/2010 23:15

thread

Original poster
humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 19/03/2010 14:47

coldtits are you taking the piss?

Do I really come across as being that cold hearted?

I am really pissed off with him, despite being given numerous chances/opportunities/support etc he still throws it back in your face - not just mine, but everybody's.

His original offence was driving with no license/insurance/tax/mot etc and causing an accident and leaving the scene. Oh and being over the limit for drink at the time. He has a 2 year ban before he can apply for a provisional licence (1 year to go on the ban now) and last week he bought a car off his mate.

Also he has Dh's surname on his birth certificate but his mum changed it by deed poll years ago to the same as hers, so his latest project is applying to dvla and passport office for a new provisional license and passport using his original birth certificate only, so he can have a false identity and get a new provisional license quicker does that really sound like the behaviour of a kid who has messed up but wants to get back on the rails?

cornsillk you are right, more than anything it is terribly that this is the total achievment of his life and even more that he shows no inclination to do anything about it.

maryz I apologise if my comments re: young offenders institutions were offhand. I don't doubt they are horrific places in reality, but it's hard to see how they are going to act as a real punishment if you are only in for less than a fortnight which is all he got 3 times. I would have preferred he was made to do his community service - he was given 200 hours originally as he loathed doing it and it really upset him, far more effective IMO.

OP posts:
unavailable · 19/03/2010 14:57

Humpty - are you going to inform the dvla and apssport office of his "dual identity" ?

Original poster
humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 19/03/2010 15:00

unavailable I have no idea what to do about any of it. How would you go about doing that? Does anybody know? WWYD?

OP posts:
unavailable · 19/03/2010 15:53

You could tell dss you intend to let the relevant agencies know.Then call the dvla and passport office and give them details.

He would obviously only get into trouble if he actually tried to put his plan into action. It is then his choice if he wants to risk it.

MorrisZapp · 19/03/2010 16:37

For some reason driving offences just aren't taken seriously.

(saddo alert) I watch a lot of these 'car wars' type shows and they mainly feature young men like your DSD, acting up and getting away with it. It amazes me how awful their crimes are, then at the end the voiceover tells you what punishments they got and they are almost always risible.

I'm so sorry for your DSD, and what a dreadful situation for you to be in. Maybe like so many parents you have to have the dreaded 'hope' that one day he really screws up and gets into proper trouble. He really won't like big boys prison, and if he's a decent kid under it all then it could just take a sharp shock to make him change his ways.

mazzystartled · 19/03/2010 18:26

No need to apologise humpty . I totally agree that 200 hours community service would have been more appropriate - and very probably more effective.

currycrazy · 19/03/2010 18:29

my DH works for a tv company that installs and services the tv systems in these places and whenever there is a problem it is always put out as a priority job and goes before any others.........absoloutely nuts.

SuSylvester · 19/03/2010 18:30

yes i was stunned about the write off when i first expreinced it.
i do think comp should not be included in this.
although can see if a fine was a punishemnt and then youa resentenced for the original offence then you can have two punishemnts ( if prison is supposed to be worse)

maryz · 19/03/2010 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.