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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours. Really, REALLY, don't think I'm being unreasonable ...

29 replies

JaneS · 18/03/2010 14:22

... But would still like your opinions as I could be wrong! Long-ish, sorry.

I moved into a new place last November with my partner. It's the first time we've not been sharing a room in a student house, and we have a 6 by 10 foot balcony. I went a bit crazy about this as I love plants and there are a good 20-30 pots out there now, some of them quite big, including a magnolia in a pot (a present) and lots of bulbs my mum dug out of her garden for me.

The balcony I have has sloping walls on either side that partially block the view to the balcony to the left, which belongs to our neighbours, whom we'd never met (it's a big block of flats and they use a different staircase). Today the woman came round and knocked on my door. She said she'd noticed I might be planting things and would I mind not growing flowers as she and her husband have hayfever?

I was a bit gobsmacked to be honest. I brought her through into our flat so she could see the plants through the patio door and explained that there were none there that I thought would be very pollen-y as I get hayfever too. She went away again but she's just come back and says she's thought about it and would really like me to get rid of anything with flowers.

What the heck and I meant to do? I'm not being unreasonable am I? I think she's barking but there is I guess a slim chance that you'll all disagree and talk me round.

OP posts:
Original poster
JaneS · 18/03/2010 14:23

am, not and,

OP posts:
ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 18/03/2010 14:26

Erm.... hmmm.... I can see 2 sides really. If it really does trigger her hayfever badly then it wouldn't be fair I guess to keep them there (I think it's different if you had a garden) - can you cut back on the amount, and change the position of some of them? Work out a happy medium? I know it's a total pain in the backside for you, and it's your balcony but it might be hell for her not to be able to sit out hers.

SheWillBeLoved · 18/03/2010 14:27

Barking mad. It does sound like a lot of plants for such a small space though, but still - a complete stranger telling you she'd like you to get rid of anything with flowers? I'd tell her I'd like her to not suffer from hayfever, but we can't all have what we want, can we?

I'm probably being unreasonable now bad morning!

TottWriter · 18/03/2010 14:27

Well, I guess if she feel bothered by it she's entitled to ask but YADNBU to compltetly ignore what she's saying.

It's your balcony, and if you have hayfever yourself, you should be able to judge what's reasonable or not and so it shouldn't affect her. I suspect her hayfever is being triggered by the fact that it's spring and there's pollen on the breeze anyway, and she's overreacting.

Keep your flowers. With only a little balcony to put them on, you deserve the colour they bring.

TulipsInTheRain · 18/03/2010 14:29

she's self obsessed and barking and is being VU.

keep your flowers and ignore the batty cow. (and i am a hayfever sufferer!)

Whoamireally · 18/03/2010 14:31

Throw a pack of antihistamines over the wall and tell her to bugger off.

expatinscotland · 18/03/2010 14:32

'She went away again but she's just come back and says she's thought about it and would really like me to get rid of anything with flowers.'

I'd tell her I'd like to win a million pounds, too, but that's about as likely to happen as someone dictating to me what to grow on my balcony.

It's a big balcony, and if it's possible I'd move the move offensive ones to the other side from her flat.

But other than that, she can pretty much go and get stuffed.

Kathyjelly · 18/03/2010 14:32

YANBU.

This is the UK. It's pretty breezy. You have a balcony so I'm guessing you're not on the ground floor which means generally more breezy. The chances of pollen from your 20 plants blowing exactly in their direction to waft through their french windows when they happen to be open is tiny.

What next? Will she complain if you have a portable barbecue on the balcony or a friend wants to smoke a cigarette. It's your balcony. I'd smile sweetly and ignore her.

Floopy21 · 18/03/2010 14:33

Bonkers. YANBU.

bumpybecky · 18/03/2010 14:33

she's being unreasonable

has she asked for all the grass and trees in the local area to be removed too? they are far more likely to be allergenic than a few potted plants

Original poster
JaneS · 18/03/2010 14:34

Thanks guys.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker - if I see her again, or if she comes by again, I could offer to move stuff. I was just furious since she could clearly see that I had a lot of things there and couldn't just chuck them in the bin. Besides which she must have been aware that I've been planting things since November but didn't say anything until now.

The things nearest her are an olive tree and a eucalyptus bush - neither have pollen. I honestly can't think of anything that'd trigger hayfever that's there.

It is a lot of plants in a small space but it's not that packed, there's still plenty of room for a garden bench, washing line etc.

Sorry - am still fuming. Esp. since there are fucking catkins all over the trees that are on the public land our balconies face on, and if anything's giving her havfever it's that!

OP posts:
Emmmmmaa · 18/03/2010 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 18/03/2010 14:36

'if I see her again, or if she comes by again, I could offer to move stuff.'

DON'T! Just tell her, 'I'm keeping them.' No 'sorry' because there's nothing to apologise for, it's your balcony. And people like this, if you give them an inch they take a mile.

Tortington · 18/03/2010 14:38

emmmmmmmmmma sound like she knows what she is talking about - maybe there is alink to that effect you could print off and shoveupherarse give to her

fallon8 · 18/03/2010 14:41

shift them round a bit,when they flower, spray water around, shes bonkers, too much time on the hands.

CrankyTwanky · 18/03/2010 14:43

I have to say, she does sound unreasonable. Mention the catkins, and suggest she write to the council. (She will get nowhere, but needs to see it isn't your fault!)

I'm really cross on your behalf actually!

Skegness · 18/03/2010 14:47

Good grief. She is definitely being unreasonable, yes.

Emmmmmaa · 18/03/2010 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
JaneS · 18/03/2010 14:49

Thanks for the crossness, Twanky! I'm actually feeling a lot better now as I thought you might all tell me I was in the wrong. I'll mention about grass/tree pollen triggers and yes, I think I won't agree to throw stuff away, actually!

OP posts:
Original poster
JaneS · 18/03/2010 14:50

Thanks emmmmmaa!

Mum gets bad hayfever; I get a bit so I sort of knew this in a rather uneducated way.

OP posts:
Merrylegs · 18/03/2010 14:50

This from the NHS direct website:

"What are you allergic to?

In England, most people with hay fever are allergic to grass pollen. However, trees, mould spores and weeds can also cause hay fever. Research suggests that pollution, such as cigarette smoke or car exhaust fumes, can make allergies worse.
Pollens and spores
There are around 30 types of pollen and 20 types of spore that could cause your hay fever. The pollen that causes hay fever could come from:
grass: 90% of people in Britain with hay fever are allergic to grass pollen,
trees: about 25% of people in Britain with hay fever are allergic to pollen from trees, including birch, oak, ash and cedar, or
weeds: such as mugwort and ragweed.
Spores that cause hay fever can come from:
fungi, such as wild mushrooms, and
mould, for example from compost heaps.
When is there most pollen?
Different trees and plants produce their pollen at different times of the year. Depending on which pollen you are allergic to, you may experience your hay fever symptoms at different times.
From January to April, pollens from trees are the most common cause of hay fever.
From May to August, pollens from grass are the most common cause of hay fever.
During the autumn, hay fever may be caused by weeds such as nettles and docks, late flowering plants, and mould and fungal spores."

Perhaps she has health anxieties and is anticipating your flowers will trigger her hay fever, when in all likelihood they won't. In which case, anything you do will be a problem. She needs to 'own' her problem, as a shrink would say!

WkdSM · 18/03/2010 14:52

Just to be safe - check the rules on what you are allowed to keep on the balcony with the management company - they very often limit what you can put / keep on one and it would be better to know rather than have her complain to the management company

pigsinmud · 18/03/2010 14:55

Blimey YANBU. I have early hayfever from tree pollens, I'm just going to pop round to my neighbour and ask him to chop his trees down.... I wonder what he'd say?!

What a bloody cheek. I wonder if she asks florists not to have their flowers in front of their shops as it makes her sneeze as she goes past.

Original poster
JaneS · 18/03/2010 14:55

WkdSM - no limit. That's one of the reasons we rented this place. The lettings agent has seen it all and approves (mainly I suspect because he knows we must be wanting to stay here quite a while and he's been having trouble letting the place). In any case, she's (I think) in a council flat whereas I'm privately renting, so I doubt she'd know who to go to, to complain.

OP posts:
swanandduck · 18/03/2010 15:00

She is being unreasonable. If she suffered from a serious allergy to pollen and was likely to go into anaphalectic shock then she might have a point. But hayfever won't kill her. It's really up to her to deal with it, eg avoid sitting on her balcony at certain times of the year, not you. If someone suffered from an allergy to cats would they be entitled to insist that no one on the road own a cat because it might stray into their garden? YANBU.