Give me courage to say this to my mum - I am sure Im not being unreasonable

[dilemma456]

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You're not, of course, but it won't be well received...
Lots of don'ts in there-red rag to stroptastic mothers. What about saying:

"Here's what we'll do: you come down on [pick date long after moving in] and we'll [think of nice activities]. We will have [sister and BIL]to lunch on [even more remote date]. They'll have to get themselves to the airport. Thanks for the samples, but I've got enough now. Actually, I'm going to need time to get sorted out so you aren't going to hear from me much between now and when you come"

Now OWN this plan by making it happen-ring your sister,explain the airport no-no. Take it all out of your mother's plans. Then ignore her (can you tell I have experience of this?)

doh! not plans, hands

Isn't this where your dh needs to step in and have a quiet word with your mum saying that you're getting pretty stressed, and it might be better to give you some space - so he's cancelling everything except the house move!!

She will understand why he's doing it (he will say) because she loves you to bits, just as he does, and will share his concern!!

YADNU

YANB in the slightest bit U.

Eldritch speaks much sense - do it!

EldritchCleaver you are a very wise woman! It's difficult saying no to mums offer
of 'help' isn't it? And they do seem to think they have rights in your house - mine goes nosing around the house and opening doors if not supervised!

Christ, just say it, she sounds very odd if she thinks you need all that silliness when you're busy moving!

I'd phone her up and just briefly say "Look I'm sorry, I know you've made all these lovely plans but I'm afraid we can't do them, I'm too tired and busy with the move, I'm dreading it as it is without extra people in the house to deal with. Sorry."

Better than giving excuses which she could work round. Just stick to your guns and say "sorry, but no" - she'll respect you more for it in the long run. Eh, maybe not so much in the short term...

Eldritch, I shall henceforth come to you for all my re-phrasing needs. You could set up shop.

Eldritch, excellent work. Can you offer this as some sort of internet automatic mum:daughter translation service.

When I got married my ma was so hyped up we had to give her something harmless to do. So she organised the cake. Many a happy hour was spent debating - square columns or round, three layers or two, fresh flowers or iced? But it kept her off my back for all the other stuff which would have been a lot, lot worse.

Good luck with the move, I totally sympathise!

I learned this from my sister, the Major-General. "Don't get into it with her" she barks (meaning our devoted, unconditionally-loving but sometimes too hands-on mother) "just tell her what's going to happen".

It works. Arguing means someone getting upset. Channeling Margaret Thatcher (remember how it didn't matter what the opposition asked her at Prime Minister's Questions, she just said what she wanted to get said regardless? And as though it actually did answer the completely unrelated legitimate question?) and saying in calm, God-this-is-obvious way what you plan to do pre-empts confrontation.

I hasten to add that I actually lavish attention on my mother but to stave off problems I tell her in advance when I'm going to neglect her. Always head 'em off.

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Sounds good, except for the part about giving sister the money for a taxi. Is she poverty-stricken? Then, maybe, yes. If she's an adult who works, WTF, give your head a shake. If she wants to come visit, the finances are on her. You are not a taxi service, nor is your DH.

Otherwise - good plan. Breathe! It will be fine. xx

Yay!
Good plan but I agree with Jacks paying for the taxi is too generous-save it for the takeaway curry you will need on moving day!
ANd if mum gets too much at any time, she ansd dd can walk the dog.
Sorted. Next, Middle East peace process...

Also despatch mother on day of or after move to the supermarket to buy food, which will be useful but also get her out of the way for a while.

LOL @ "next, Middle East peace process"...

ELDRITCH FOR PRIME MINISTER!!