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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about a birthday clash?

25 replies

EccentricaGallumbits · 17/03/2010 19:55

DDs birthday is the sam day as MIL. usually wouldn't matter but MIL has a big important birthday this year.

BIL has organised a big family meal out on MILs birthday.

He's just informed us that no children are invited. Most the other children in the family are younger and too badly behaved wouldn't enjoy a 'nice' meal in a 'nice' restraunt.

AIBU to tell them we won't be going because DD2's birthday that day. She'll be in school all day and I don't think it's fair to get a baby sitter for all evening.

BIL thinks I am.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 17/03/2010 19:57

no, yanbu

your MIL is an adult and should understand, your daughter is just a child and will not understand why you're all going out without her on her birthday,

Is it a surprise for MIL or does she know? if she knows then I wopuld just talk to her and say you're really sorry but you want to spend the evening with your daughter, but that you;d love to come over with the kids on the weekend and celebrate with her then or something

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 17/03/2010 19:57

How old is your DD?

junglist1 · 17/03/2010 19:59

YANBU a bit how dare he actually. What does he want you to do not see your child??

soapboxqueen · 17/03/2010 19:59

You are not being unreasonable. I think your BIL is off his trolly if he thinks you are going to side line your child on her birthday. I don't think she'd understand.

Tell your BIL that either your ds has to come and make it a joint celebration or you aren't coming. You could always invite your MIL round at a later date for dinner so you could celebrate then.

YoginiBikini · 17/03/2010 20:01

YANBU enjoy the day

thisisnotwhoyouthink · 17/03/2010 20:02

I would be mad too. Why should your DD miss out on her birthday because the other children cant be kept in line? How rude.

Hassled · 17/03/2010 20:02

Your BIL is INSANE. And wouldn't your MIL actually want to see her granddaughter on their birthday? Has anyone asked the MIL what she wants?

Merrylegs · 17/03/2010 20:06

Well. It's not really a 'family' meal, is it - if the families aren't invited. And it's not really your BIL's business to think YABU. Your only obligation is to make your peace with your MIL - who may well understand completely that you won't want to abandon DD on her birthday. (And if your dd is old enough, she should be invited too.)

(I shared a birthday with my grandmother. She would never have left me out of any family celebrations.)

Original poster

EccentricaGallumbits · 17/03/2010 20:23

MIL doesn't think much of the idea. She asked DH if she could come out for the day with DD instead (bless her).

But BIL will be pissed off because he's organisd it. Loon.

And DD (difficult, aspergerish, normally hormonal and stroppy) (will be 12) said if we wanted to go out with MIL she'd be happy to go to other Granny's.

OP posts:

AnneElliot · 17/03/2010 20:24

How old is your DD - I think she just has to come too, or none of you go.

Original poster

EccentricaGallumbits · 17/03/2010 20:28

and another thing.

birthday is on a weekday. DH can't get time off work and has to ge up at 1am the next morning so would have to be home in bed by 9.

planning isn't BILs strongest point.

OP posts:

TottWriter · 17/03/2010 20:30

YANBU. Sounds like this is all on the BIL though - I feel rather sorry for your MIL as she obviously wants to see her granddaughter on their shared birthday rather than exclude her.

Just tell your BIL that your young daughter doesn't deserve to feel excluded because he's got a bee in his bonnet and doesn't trust her to behave on her own birthday, and that you're very sorry, but that as a child, she comes first, and you will celebrate with MIL another time.

Smile sweetly too, so he doesn't think you've bothered him. It'll drive him nuts, and you can be satisfied that you've been nothing but polite.

yellowcircle · 17/03/2010 20:30

YANBU, that's a crappy way to treat a 12yo on her birthday - excluding her from her gran's birthday meal!

Why can't BIL change it to the previous day so that MIL can still have her nice celebration, but a 12yo can have attention and feel special on her birthday.

Surely it's just a case of altering a restaurant booking?

yellowcircle · 17/03/2010 20:31

YANBU, that's a crappy way to treat a 12yo on her birthday - excluding her from her gran's birthday meal!

Why can't BIL change it to the previous day so that MIL can still have her nice celebration, but a 12yo can have attention and feel special on her birthday.

Surely it's just a case of altering a restaurant booking?

thehillsarealive · 17/03/2010 20:33

yanbu - send your apologies to BIL and invite your MIL over to yours next day available to both of you.

Your daughter comes first and your BIL is being an eejit.

CrankyTwanky · 17/03/2010 20:37

YANBU.

Can BIL not move the boking to the weekend, or would that scupper his plans?

Do something with MIL & your family on a different day. YADNBU.

tummytime · 17/03/2010 20:44

YANBU. Your BIL should really have established whether this was a sensible plan before booking things as any normal person would

islandofsodor · 17/03/2010 20:48

No way should you go out without your child on her birthday.

BIL sounds mad.

bumpybecky · 17/03/2010 20:50

yanbu not even a tiny little bit

PiratePrincess · 17/03/2010 21:40

My MIL would rather celebrate our DC's birthdays than her own!

Doesn't sound like your MIL is caring for the idea much either!

YANBU.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 17/03/2010 21:44

YANBU

Your BIL sounds an absolute loon, of course you are not going to go out on your DD's birthday! Don't for one minute let him tell you that is wrong in any way - give him your best "are you mad??" look!

saslou · 17/03/2010 21:45

Just because BIL organised something, that doesn't give him the right to make all the decisions regarding your DC. I would give the meal a miss.Your dd is far more important than fitting in with his plans!

Blu · 17/03/2010 21:46

BIL is a loon. Get MIL and DH to reason with him.
Invite your MIL round for a joint b'day cake round the kitchen table on 'the day', then have a nice family do (with everyone) on the Saturday.

DinahRod · 17/03/2010 21:50

Your BIL's daft to expect you to miss out celebrating dd's birthday with her, as that is what his arrangements mean for your family.

Bypass him and speak to MIL, explain the no child ruling, and arrange a 2nd and much more fun celebration.

brummiemummie · 17/03/2010 21:55

The time doesn't fit in with DH.

The date doesn't fit in with DD.

The "nice" restaurant doesn't fit in with the fact that there are lots of young children in the family whom will all now need to be babysat.

The whole idea doesn't fit in with your MIL who would rather spend the day with your DD.

Just who exactly did BIL have in mind when he planned this meal??! Sounds like a self-centered idiot - we would definitely not go!

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