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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

my mum is driving me insane.... sorry bit long!!!

29 replies

humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 16/03/2010 22:33

Have elective c-section booked for 2 weeks time, for dc3. My mum has offered to look after dd and ds so dh can come into hospital with me.
Mum been on phone 3 times yesterday and twice today and is driving me insane.
The baby is due on dd and ds's last day of term at pre=school and is the day of their easter egg hunt etc... I wanted them to go and enjoy their easter party etc and then for mum to bring them to meet new baby in the afternoon. My mum however has other ideas...
She wants to book into a travelodge near to the hospital (we live approx 45 mins away) and stay there with dd and ds until I get out of hospital.
I wanted things to be as normal as possible for them and thought that being in their own home etc with their own toys/dvds/park/favourite meals etc would be best to keep things normal for them, but for granny to look after them for a treat.
But my mum seems to think it would be better to stay for up to 3 nights in the travelodge and entertain them from there (they are 3 and 4 btw).
She asked me what I thought, I said, if it was me, I would stay home with them because they are more comfortable etc plus I find travelodge to be great for a night away, but hard work with kids, no space to run around, no toys, no proper food etc. But told mum if she wants to stay there then that's fine.
Dh ain't happy, especially because he is planning to come home each night and just spend time visiting me and new baby during the day. So will have dh at home, my kids in travelodge and me in hospital with new baby...
AIBU? Should I just let her get on with it or should I try to convince her to keep my kids at home?

OP posts:

Tortington · 16/03/2010 22:37

shes on to a hiding to nothing if shes having two kids in a cramped room for days on end. they should stay at home.

EmilyStrange · 16/03/2010 22:38

I think you should persuade her to stay at home. Try to emphasize the pitfalls of travelodge with little ones so no yanbu.
Good luck!

TottWriter · 16/03/2010 22:38

YANBU. What on earth is she thinking! A travelodge is a PITA at the best of times, but three nights when your DC know you are in hospital? No way.

And your poor DH has every right to have a say as well. if this was a MIL thread there would be people up in arms about boundaries being overstepped. Yes, your mother is doing you a favour by looking after your DC, but they are still your DC and you have every right to request that they carry on with life as normally as possible. That does not mean travelling 45 minutes to sleep in a cramped room with a fretting granny who will then have no way of entertaining them. They will be bored and restless; exactly what they don't need with a new sibling arriving.

Original poster

humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 16/03/2010 22:40

Was preparing to be told that should just be grateful dc's will be looked after and not worry about it!

Don't want to sound ungrateful to my mum who is clearly willing to put herself out for me, but at the same time, am more worried about my poor kids and trying to keep things normal for them.

OP posts:

SusieCarmichael · 16/03/2010 22:41

are you waiting to be flamed on your mums behalf? because i doubt anyone will flame you! what she's suggesting isn't really making sense but does she realise this? does she know how difficult it is going to be to entertain them?

good luck to her i say

just tell her that dh would real;ly like it if he could come home to his dc every night

compo · 16/03/2010 22:43

yanbu

maybe dh can have a quiet word that he wants to see the childrn in the day and tuck them up in bed etc

at the end of the day what you say goes so you could gfo all stern and say 'either at my house or MIL will have them'

moondog · 16/03/2010 22:43

That's a crazy idea.
It will drive her mental trying to entertain two small kids in what is effectively a bedsit and will really freak them out.Let them be at home fgs.

j0807bump · 16/03/2010 22:43

YADNBU 2 kids in a travellodge? shes either v.brave or v.mad and thats with me presuming your DCs are total angels (no offence at all)

completely agree that a sense of normality in familiar surroundings will suit them and your mum alot better

also yourself, you don't want to be worrying too much about them and obviously that'll be easier if they're at home. i'm expecting and desperate that DS will be as settled as poss whilst i'm in hospital

best of luck all round

Emmmmmaa · 16/03/2010 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dillydallydolly · 16/03/2010 22:48

Yes.. you said it was fine!? Just tell her you changed your mind and you'd rather they all stayed at home, as you say it will be heck of a lot easier for them and for her to have everything to hand and nicer for them to see their dad at bedtime too. Hope all goes well with the c-section

Original poster

humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 16/03/2010 22:52

emmmmmma dh was going to take dc's for visits, so she wouldn't have to be taking them on long drives.
I have tried to fob her off at the moment. I guess one thing I am worried about is that I will come out of c-section and be feeling and looking like shit, and honestly would be better if dc's didn't see me till I had perked up a bit, while my mum is camped out in the hospital lobby overexciting the kids about the new baby.
I'm not trying to push my kids away or anything, but dd especially is worried about me being in hospital and will be anxious and I think it would be easier to distract her with her own toys and favorite dvd's until the time is right for her to come and see me. The last thing I want is 2 overtired and hyped up kids being brought into hospital and me looking like death warmed up (am remembering feeling shite from the last c-section) then being sent back to their travelodge and dd worrying all night about me...
I have told mum that since there are no cheap deals on travelodge (I did check) that we should wait till nearer the time to make a decision, as the rooms would still be there even if we leave it till the day before to make a decision...
Don't know if I should be more forceful or just leave it to see if it blows over and she thinks bettter of the whole idea

OP posts:

Emmmmmaa · 16/03/2010 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vallhala · 16/03/2010 23:01

What a mad idea! Why?! Why on earth cause the children more disruption than necessary, deprive your DH of seeing his children at night and vice versa and be willing to be awake half the night in one room with 2 possibly anxious children who are sleepless owing to their strange surroundings?

Perhaps thats the key... maybe you should remind mum that she won't get much sleep at night in a Travelodge with 2 young children.

YANBU at all, I just hope for all your sakes you can make your mother see sense.

dillydallydolly · 16/03/2010 23:06

If dd is openly worried about you being in hospital, maybe it would be better for her to visit you there to see that you are fine and happy but 'sore' from having their gorgeous little baby.
As bad as I felt (and looked!) after my c-sec it made all the difference seeing dd with her new baby, precious.
Be honest with your mum (forcefully if needed) your are lucky to have her help but i'm sure she'd want to do what you think is best, after all no one knows your kids better than you.

OTTMummA · 16/03/2010 23:42

I simply can not understand your mothers logic at this proposal! ive tried to think of a reasonable one, but nope!
she probably hasn't thought about what is best for the children and is just excited about seeing the new baby asap, you should nearer the time, tell her that it would be best if the other children were to stay at home as a new arrival is enough change for them to cope with.

Original poster

humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 16/03/2010 23:52

Thanks ladies, seriously thought I was being precious about this and ungrateful.
What is really paramount to me and dh in all this is that dd and ds are our priority, even to the extent that we agreed from the start of pregnancy that it might come to me having baby in hospital on my own, while he has the kids and brings them to visit afterwards.
TBH I don't really fancy c-section on my own, but I feel that they are more important than me in all this especially dd who doesn't like me being away!
Think I will ring my mum tomorrow and try to explain again that I really think it would be best for everybody including her, if they stayed at our house.

OP posts:

OTTMummA · 17/03/2010 00:29

couldn't your mum be with you instead of DH if she gets a bit funny about it?
i can't see why she would but her mind is not on my level ( no offence )!
just another option ;)

kickassangel · 17/03/2010 00:40

Does she just want to be near you? I know it sounds silly, but some mums get really worried before their daughters give birth!

boiledeggandsoldiers · 17/03/2010 00:54

Sounds like a good plan to me. Could you also sweeten the pill with an offer to supply M&S meals in the fridge at your house, or whatever goodies she normally loves?

boiledeggandsoldiers · 17/03/2010 00:55

Responding to your last post humpty, not your first one The travelodge idea is not a good one.

ZacharyQuack · 17/03/2010 04:01

Could you suggest that she takes the 2 dc to the travelodge for a couple of nights this weekend for a "trial run"?

She'll see what the reality of two small children in a hotel is, and you and DH get a couple of nights R&R. Two birds, one stone.

gtamom · 17/03/2010 04:45

humptyismarriedtoanumpty, YANBU! I think her idea is VU. She asked you what you thought, so just say that you and your dp are not comfortable with this idea. Kids can and do survive without seeing their parents for a few days. In the olden days kids under 12 years old were not even allowed to visit. I simply do not understand why people seem to think when someone is in the hospital, they need visitors. You are a patient, there to heal, rest and be cared for. The best thing she can do for the kids is to stick to their normal routine, they can speak to you on the phone, and bake a welcome home cake and make you cards and stuff. Your mothers heart is in the right place, but her sensibilities are not.

Original poster

humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 17/03/2010 04:57

gtamom I totally agree with you. You bought up some good points. If the kids are home, they have plenty of opportunity to make cards/draw pictures etc as a kind of welcome home thing, which I think would be nice for them.
I have decided to speak to her again definately in the morning. And tbh gtamom, you are also right, although it's nice to see people, I would really like to try to get a bit of rest before I come home!!

OP posts:

gtamom · 17/03/2010 05:12

Glad to have helped.
One more bonus to them staying at home, they can see daddy in the mornings, or if they are still awake, at night.

Original poster

humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 17/03/2010 05:29

good point gtamom.
The other thing that is stressing me out about this whole idea is that it will create extra work for me. I mean, if my mum has her way, I need to pack bags of clothes for kids as well as some basic toys and books etc, and then once we are all back home, we will have an extra mountain of washing to do to get it all clean again. I realise that is maybe a little bit petty, but it's just one extra thing to worry about, whereas if they were at home, she could help me out a little by keeping the washing mountain at bay etc, getting in a bit of shopping etc...

OP posts:

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