Am I being unreasonable to feel I never get a break

[pearlym]

Background, I work 2 days per wee, locally so do nearly all childcare for my 2 girls aged 4 and 5. Husband works away a lot. I have no family at all. I really want to have a day or two on my own in the house wihtout kids and husband.

He agreed I wanted.needed it and said he would take kids upo to his father's for weekend. They agreed on easter weekend, sat to mon, I WAS V excited.

Now saw letter f in law sent ot whole of his large family saying Husband, me and girls coming up at easter, come for a party on the sun. When i spoke ot husband he admitted he had not told his father the reaon he was coming up was to give ne a break and that I would nto be coming. Husband now saying it will look wierd if I am not there, it will look rude etc.

He never said that before the arrangement was made and now he is saying that we should be together as a family at Easter etc.

I feel I am being bounced into going there for 3 whole days as well as missign my break. There are not really any other weekends between now and June that it would work cos of kids parties etc.

I feel really angry and sad that I seem to being forced into something I did not agree to and slso that he has completey ignored my needs.

WHat do people think?

I don't blame you for feeling angy. It sounds like you do need a break and your husband was really wrong for not being upfront with his family about it.

I guess you have to decide how important it is for you to have a break. If it is important to you then definitely put your foot down and tell him that you don't want to go.

YANBU
Can you develop a stomach bug?
(Obviously keeping your fingers crossed you don't really!)

tell him you arent going, because that was the deal.

nearer the time, I'm sure you can find a reason to tell FIl you arent able to come. Either that, or insist that DH tells him now.

Ask him what matters more? Looking a bit silly because he didnt tell the full story to his father? Or ignoring your needs for the sake of appearances?

Throw a sickie that weekend?

I completely understand your need for a break - YANBU.
I have an almost physical craving for a break, not because I need a rest really but because I am 100% responsible for the children and I need a chance to have no responsibility at all for a few hours.
The arrangement you made with your DH for you to have a break over Easter sounds a great idea and one I am very jealous of.
I think it's very unfair that you are being put in a position where you are going to have to give up your dreamed-for break and be on best behaviour with kids for 3 days - almost the worst of both worlds.

I think you should talk to your DH again, tell him that you need this break, it is a sanity saver and although you love him and DCs to pieces, right now you need some alone time. All your DH has to do is phone his father and say 'Sorry, I didn't make myself clear. DW will be staying at home for Easter'. If he needs to make up and excuse, he could simply tell them that it's a great chance for him to spend some special time with his DCs.

Actually, I think her has been a real wimp about it, Fin Lwas a v overbearing father nad I guess he can't break out of that way of behaving wiht him, i.e being subservient and not wanting to rock the boat, beacause of this we ended up taking f in law away for the whole of our 2 week family hols cos he got hte wrong end of the stick, thought he was invited for 2 weeks and not one and husband did not have the balls to tell himn he had got it wrong, so there is some history here!

You sound really tolerant. Definitely time to tell him that you aren't going.

I'm not sure about telling him now. Overbearing FIL might not get the whole 'need a break' thing and just see it as a personal snub, and go on at your DH about it.
I am leaning towards having a bug/flu that weekend.

just tell your fil that you're not coming with dh and kids. if you did go to his house you would have a nervous brake down and then wouldn't be able to look after the kids. very jealous if you do get the weekend off. if you do can you come back and tell us how it was

Or a clash with something else?

I think what makes it worse is fact that boht my paretns are dead and he is actaully quite disinterested in the kids - does not help at all and in fact when i am there he downs tools and expects me to do all cooking and washing up etc - so I feel really sorry for myself as I know if my mother was alive there would be some quid pro quo - DH would hve to put up with mine, so I would fee la bit better about putting up with his.

God i had such plans for that weekend!

Whatever you do, don't cancel your plans ! This is not a problem of your making. Your DH will have to sort it (preferably), or you'll have to take a sickie.

would it not be possible for you to have a two day break, and then go to your fil for the last day? (Could you take a train/bus there) - perhaps you could work a compromise that you get some time off, and some time with them .....
try and make it happen, its wonderful to have some time off and you sound like you need it - its not hard for your dh to re-explain as some of the other posters have suggested!
good luck!

Also, your are well within your rights to have weekends away. I'm sorry you've had to wait so long for it.

you still have plans for that weekend!

do not back down.

Put your foot down. You or your husband can lie to the FIL if need be; she's sick, etc. But your husband needs to be on your side. It sounds to me as if he never intended to give you a break and is now guilting you into giving it up.

Do you mean your husband downs tools, etc? Time to put a stop to that.

How's it going OP ?

UPDATE

DH was away Mon till last night, he got in, all smiles, after kids in bed, I said we need to sort this out, and he said" you need a break, that is finr, I WILL SORT IT WITH MY DAD, DO NOT WORRY"

I am so happy ,prob best that he was away as allowed us boht time to think it through -

Thnaks for all help!!!!!!!!!

Yay!