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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Balls in the house..

20 replies

Mylittlebubble · 15/03/2010 12:58

My DD 23months started throwing balls at a relatives house which I explained to her she was not to do this and tought her to kick the balls instead. We don't have balls in our house,, as the dog would have it before DD and a battle would commence!!! Anyway my MIL has a small beach ball in her house and looks after DD for us twice a week. A month ago I went to pick DD up and saw her throwing the ball which I then precided to tell her off for and again explain to kick it only. Then MIL started saying well its only a beach ball and we throw it close together so its not a problem. I then explained that DD is too young to get the concept of light/ heavy balls and breakables in the house hence the no throwing rule, I feel is important right now. I do not want to be at someone elses house and she breaks something!

Anyway yesterday we were at MIL visiting for Mothers Day and DD got the ball and starting throwing again it was quite evident that MIL has not stopped playing this game with her even though I have asked her too!! I told DD not to throw and if she did it again we would go home, well she did and we went home! I am being over the top? Or was it the right thing to do for DD and to make a point to MIL that I do not want her throwing balls inside the house?

OP posts:
fiveisanawfullybignumber · 15/03/2010 13:04

YANBU for being annoyed that she didn't listen to you, but maybe a bit U about balls in general.
My DH has alway played ball in the house with the DC's, it really annoyed me to start with, but 11 years later and we've had only 1 breakage, a peterpan snowglobe that belonged to DS2. The kids all love the fun, especially in winter when they can't get out into the garden.
I still don't like balls in the house but just go into a different room for 10 mins. What I can't see, won't hurt me, and I do have happy children who can let off steam with DH.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 15/03/2010 13:05

Hmm, Tricky ......

I have/have had a no-balls-in-the-house rule at my house since my DSs were able to throw.. (That would also include kicking a ball, too, if you want to avoid confusion).

BUT, if it's MILs house, and MIL thinks the risk of getting something broken is acceptable, and MIL is paying a catch game with your DD, then I don't think you can or should stop that. Your DD will learn that that game is acceptable at MILs house, but not at yours.

I don't think this is something you should lock horns with your MIL on.

sparkle12mar08 · 15/03/2010 13:07

So but you're being way over the top. If the ball is at MIL's house, and MIL is happy to allow and indeed encourage your daughter to play with it then I don't see what the problem is - it's not in your home?

As for her picking things up and throwing in other people's houses, then some quick distraction and putting the ball away should solve that. I know few parents who allow balls in the house for this very reason. Your MIL does - her house, her rules, and she's obviously happy to play with your daughter and accept the attendant risk.

Otoh you have made yourself look completely silly in front of your MIL and have spoiled your childs day with her grandparent.

GibbonInARibbon · 15/03/2010 13:08

You really left?

Blimey.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 15/03/2010 13:10

Just to add - my mum lets her GC jump on her bed. I don't let them jump on my bed. That's what GPs are FOR, IMO.

tethersend · 15/03/2010 13:11

DP wanted DD to play with a football when she was about 10 months old. (I know).

I expressed my reservations, but he was having none of it. To try and pique her interest, he started up with some fancy footwork which inevitably went wrong. As he tripped, he inadvertently booted the ball at the back of DD's head. She went down like a skittle.

Hey presto! Ball in the house problem solved. DD is now so terrified of balls she screams whenever she sees one.

Francagoestohollywood · 15/03/2010 13:13

YABU. It is something she does at her grandmother's, trust me, they learn quite easily about what they can do and where.

Original poster
Mylittlebubble · 15/03/2010 13:16

Gibbon - As soon as I said we would leave if she did it again I thought it was too heavy a punishment, FWIW DD didn't care she was happy to go home!!! But needed to see it through as I had said it!!

I understand about the whole GP house GP rules however what do you do when your Childs does something they know you don't like but can get away with it at granny's house?

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 15/03/2010 13:19

YANBU to not want ball play in your house, YABU in your MILs house. My dd is not allowed to throw anything around in our flat. It is too small and she is too clumsy. Outside is a different matter.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 15/03/2010 13:25

mylittle - because rules are not totally inflexible. And at granny's house, granny likes to play ball with her grand-daughter. Later on, there will be rules at school or nursery which you don't have at home. Children adapt to this.

Original poster
Mylittlebubble · 15/03/2010 13:30

I guess what pissed me off the most is that MIL does not take my requests seriously it isn't really about the ball throwing. I feel she purposely goes against my requests!! Different thread I guess for that one

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 15/03/2010 13:33

Well, I couldn't say in general - I did wonder whether there are more general issues. Am trying to think how I would approach this if I were your MIL ... TBH, I think YAB a bit U, but I'd probably mutter under my breath but go along with it rather than ignore your requests.

swanandduck · 15/03/2010 13:36

Would you not get a couple of soft balls for your own house, and leave the hard ones out in the garden. Also a hard ball for your MILs that would stay in her garden.Then she might grasp the concept of 'garden' balls and 'house' balls.
I think bringing her home was ABU. Your MIL can't be expected to obey everything you say when she's in her own house.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 15/03/2010 13:40

If MIL doesn't respect your wishes (and I'm with others who say, one rule at home, another at granny's) why do you let her care for your daughter two days a week?

IMoveTheStars · 15/03/2010 13:41

a nearly 2yo will understand the different rules for different places thing - mine certainly did at that age.

And it's no big deal.. i don't mind soft balls in the house, as long as DS only throws the balls, and only in the lounge, and never any other toys. He understands...

Jamieandhismagictorch · 15/03/2010 13:42

It's a fair point Oldlady

Original poster
Mylittlebubble · 15/03/2010 13:43

OldLadyKnows - Because she is wonderful with DD and is an amazing GP. Also I have to go to work she offered and enjoys having DD.

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 15/03/2010 13:45

So - ease off a bit. I really don't think this is worth arguing over

Original poster
Mylittlebubble · 15/03/2010 13:56

We haven't fallen out about it. I think I need to chill out a bit more about Gran's laid back approach to some things as the positives outweigh the negatives. Just pisses me off sometimes when my wishes fall on deaf ears cos she thinks I'm being over the top!! When some issues are important to Dh and I. I'll pick my fights carefully I think, Oh and send in DH to have a chat

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 15/03/2010 14:02

Hang on a sec - you were visiting MIL for Mothers Day and you left because dd disobeyed you???

By your own admission, she is a wonderful GP and obviously adores her granddaughter. I second what others say about it being her house therefore her rules. If she allows it in her house then so be it. What about when your dd starts playing round at her friends houses and they allow balls in the house? Would you ban your dd from going just because they would allow her to do something in their house that is not allowed in yours? It's so trivial too!

You have potentially embarrassed and upset your MIL on Mothers Day by your own stubborness.

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