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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

toi think working these hours isn't cruel?

55 replies

ThreeGuesses · 15/03/2010 11:16

DS will start school next month. DH wants me to return to full time work, currently I work part time 3.30-7.00 pm Mon-Fri.

DH say's it cruel to go to work when the children will have only just finsihed school.

I like my job and think the hours are ok, when they are little older we can move their dinner time so we are all eating together.

DH says they will barely see me, but atm our shifts work round each other which mean we wouldn't have to find childcare in the school holidays. We have no family who could help out.

SO AIBU and cruel?

OP posts:
addictedtolatte · 15/03/2010 14:33

i dont think it is cruel but as long as you are willing to accept the bond with there father will be stronger than with you as they will spend more time with him and that is usually how it works. if you are happy with that then go for it.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 15/03/2010 14:35

Bonsoir I possibly should be guilt ridden because I'm not bringing any money into the home, AND the shopping etc does not take up all the time when the DCs are at school .... (your argument before)

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 15/03/2010 14:44

Sounds great to me - you will be spending far more 'quality' time with them until 3pm during holidays when you can take them out etc. than you would from 3-7pm in the evenings. 7pm is fine for dinner all together - they aren't toddlers

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 15/03/2010 14:48

I dont think the bond will chage - OP will be there weekends, all the holidays...

OtterInaSkoda · 15/03/2010 14:57

I don't think it's cruel on the DCs, but I wonder if your DH thinks your taking the piss a bit. I would, in his shoes. Would it be possible for your DH to reduce his hours a little and for you to increase yours? That would be more equitable imo.

OtterInaSkoda · 15/03/2010 14:58

Meant to add - the shift pattern will be fab in the hols/inset days etc.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 15/03/2010 15:06

Otter - he may think it's taking the piss, but when you take into account what the OP actually does in the home, then he'd be unreasonable to think that, IMO

OtterInaSkoda · 15/03/2010 15:12

I agree, Jamie. But I wonder if he appreciates how much the OP does, though. I also wonder if maybe he would like the opportunity to do more domestically. Would he mind cooking everynight, or every other night (or every other week, as DP and I do)?

OtterInaSkoda · 15/03/2010 15:13

I don't mean we cook every other week btw - I mean I do cooking and shopping one week, DP does it the next

Jamieandhismagictorch · 15/03/2010 15:40

I clean every other week ...

DuelingFanjo · 15/03/2010 15:46

"DH say's it cruel to go to work when the children will have only just finsihed school"

he doesn't work then?

Original poster
ThreeGuesses · 15/03/2010 20:57

He works 6-2/3ish Fanjo.

Otter dh does what is needed around the house but he takes no pleasure from any of it (including cooking) and certaintly would not like the opportunity to do more domestically!

The bond is my biggest concern

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 15/03/2010 21:15

I think it is cruel that your DH isn't around in the mornings when the dc are getting up...

ridiculous innit ?

apply it the other way round, and his argument fails to make any sense

personally, I hated the "witching hours" of 4-7pm when my kids were little

many times I wished myself anywhere but there, including out at work

seriously though, I think your DH is making excuses

AnyFucker · 15/03/2010 21:16

I think it is cruel that your DH isn't around in the mornings when the dc are getting up...

ridiculous innit ?

apply it the other way round, and his argument fails to make any sense

personally, I hated the "witching hours" of 4-7pm when my kids were little

many times I wished myself anywhere but there, including out at work

seriously though, I think your DH is making excuses

sanfairyann · 15/03/2010 21:49

at first I thought you meant the kids would be in after school care but the shifts you describe sound great for splitting childcare between the two of you. I can see that your dh would like more of a hand from 5pm onwards say, if you were working normal hours, but then you'd have to sort something out for the breakfast side of things. dh hates doing the morning school run far more than the afternoons. you might well miss the kids more than you think though. I miss mine when I'm working that late over a few days it feels like i don't really see them for days at a time.

AnyFucker · 15/03/2010 21:59

sorry, double post

redskyatnight · 15/03/2010 22:05

My friends works 4.30-10.00 and is planning to change her hours do include some day/weekends shifts when her DD starts school as she doesn't feel she can switch from seeing her for most of the day to just an hour or two. Can you do similarly?

The arrangement you are proposing does seem to leave the lion's share of work with DH - if he starts work at 6 presumably he is up at 5? So he is on the go constantly until you get home sometime after 7 including (as others have said) having to sort DS out after school, do reading/homework etc. Which is possibly the worst part of the day. Whereas you would be (presumbably) getting up later and having a much easier day up to the point where you go to work. If DH is too tired/pissed off with the arrangement DS is going to get the worst of both worlds in the after school period.

mazzystartled · 15/03/2010 22:10

you are not being cruel

but your dh will have long days. (not longer of course that the countless SAHPs with OH's with long hours an commutes - but why choose it if you don't actually have to?) i would be daunted by the prospect of an 8 hour work shift followed immediately by 4 hours solo parenting. and perhaps he is wondering what you plan to do with your day?

it's unfair of him to suggest it is in any way cruel, however.

is there any flexibility in either of your jobs at all?

Original poster
ThreeGuesses · 15/03/2010 22:19

TBH I am wondering what I am going to do all day. I've worked full time since finishing education, I found the adjustment to maternity leave difficult and was gld to get back to work part time. I struggled with not working.

How I will cope with the boredom of being home alone I don't know.

But then DH is unwilling to change his job, which he really enjoys. So I have to work around him as we cannot afford childcare.

I don't know what the solution is

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 15/03/2010 22:21

term time working ?

with before and after school care if required ?

AnyFucker · 15/03/2010 22:22

does your job (or a job you could get) work with annualised hours ?

Original poster
ThreeGuesses · 15/03/2010 22:26

No AnyFucker, I don't think I could get a job that had annualised hours - and I don't think there are any jobs round atm or for the foreseeable future.

Term time jobs are like gold dust and I don't think they would pay as well as what I am lucky enough to earn now.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 15/03/2010 22:28

< keeps thinking >

LittleMrsHappy · 15/03/2010 22:31

My hours are horrendous I work evenings 5pm to 2am, 4 days a week I have no choice unless I give up m career which I have worked hard to achieve, and sadly it is not easy to take time out due to the way things are at the moment,and also change is inevitable etc....

I do everything for my children and dh, he is also their parent, My bond with my children is what it would be if I didn't work. their is no change in that, the time I spend with them is more precious due to me and their Dad working.

Original poster
ThreeGuesses · 16/03/2010 00:11

Thanks LittleMrsHappy, that helps to reassure me

OP posts: