or were they?

[bubbleymummy]

BIL and his new wife showed up at his mums with their dog. MIL had no idea dog was coming, family get together for the weekend and BIL and new SIL had travelled a fair distance to be there. Dog used to live with MIL so she doesn't have a problem with it really BUT they hadn't told her and we were coming to visit too with the two DSs. DS1 is 4 and pretty much stays away from the dog DS2 is 1 and loves anything that moves so would be v likely to chase it around the room if given the chance! DH and I have known the dog for years and neither of us trust it because it has snapped at both of us on previous occasions completely out of the blue. One minute he's enjoying a pet and the next he just snaps at you so needless to say we aren't too happy to have it running around with the kids. MIL seems aware of this before we even arrive and warns us at the door that the dog is there and that she wasn't expecting it etc. Problem is, BIL and SIL seem completely oblivious to our concerns and keep letting the dog into the room with the kids (cue me immediately picking up DS2 and him screaming to get at the dog) and despite DH tactfully saying on several occasions that we want to put DS2 down to toddle around so would he mind putting the dog out in the kitchen/utility room it STILL ends up back in the room with the kids within 5/10 minutes! When DH says about it again - they just reply with "oh he'll be fine - he doesn't bother with kids, don't worry about him' and we KNOW that this isn't the case because the dog is snappy and has growled at kids before when out for walks etc (it doesn't like anything else on a lead/reins). It was just a very tiring and stressful weekend and BIL and SIL treat the dog like their baby which is fair enough but why on earth do they think we should risk our kids being around a dog that we KNOW isn't 100% trustworthy(is any dog really?) Don't get me wrong - we are both dog lovers but given the dog's history I just don't think it was worth the risk and I just think that BIL and SIL could have taken our concerns into consideration esp because they'd just brought the dog along on a whim anyway!

Sorry - long ramble - just a bit pissed off really!

YANBU at all, I have a similar issue with mil's dog who is "her baby", but snaps at my toddler. She thinks the sun shines out of its arse, but it's actually an incident just waiting to happen, so any time we spend at hers is very stressful, keeping them apart (as she keeps letting the dog back in) so you have my sympathy.

I don't think some dog owners understand the need to be vigilant where kids are concerned, at all.

YANBU in my opinion. I would feel exactly the same with a dog which I knew had the tendency to be a bit aggressive.

In their defence though, they are just newly married by the sounds of things, which means they can only think about each other and little else .

And if they dont have children of their own they probably dont understand how protective we feel of ours.

Argh - terrible punctuation etc - sorry!

YANBU. I'm not a dog lover at all and I don't really trust many of them. But when you know that a dog does snap etc, it is common sense to keep it away from children. If they caught it at the wrong moment it could turn very suddenly.

If it happens again, I would insist that it was put in another room and kept there. If they say "oh he'll be ok" Just say that you don't agree and will not take the chance.

YANBU i am a dog lover but rarely trust them esp with DS as he always wants to grab/chase/antagonise them

i have had exact same issues and its all well and good for them to say it'll be fine but when said dog has history of snapping together with inquisitve toddler something may well happen

(I know they're not online so can say this) in couple of months i am due to move in above my brother who insists his dogs are great with his DS nearly 3 but i had to tell him that although i would trust his big dumb dog to do nothing but lick my DS and 'bump' to death it was difficult to say i don't trust the other as far as i could throw it

it has snapped and growled visciously at bro/sil/DH in past. pre any babies i dog sat and didnt get a winks sleep as it wanted to join us in bed and i was terrified it would savage us if we accidently lay on it. and just the other week when we visited and sil dragged it out of the room snarling and growling she dismissed it as being 'because he'd been kicked out earlier when other friends dcs came round

if they insist said dog is fine round their DD fair enough but theres no way i'd let my DS be anywhere near the thing!!!!!

YANBU at all and i'm sorry for the personal rant

Thank you everyone! I was feeling like a bitch because we rarely see BIL and SIL but I just felt the entire visit was ruined because I was watching out for the bloody dog constantly! I just couldn't relax at all. SIL kept making comments about how the dog was fine with her nieces and nephews and I just wanted to say "well that's fine if your brothers and sisters want to take the risk but personally I don't want my son to lose a finger or worse because you can't be assed leaving the dog in the kitchen!" I know it would be a worst case scenario but it's just not worth the risk IMO. I'm dreading the summer a bit now because they have invited us to come and stay to break our journey on the way to my sister's. It's really kind of them to offer and I do enjoy spending time with them but how on earth can you ask someone to remove the dog from the room when you are in their house?

YANBU
it has previous. They know this and yet they still allow it to wander around a toddling 1yo - fools!
I am not as polite as you. When they kept allowing it in the room, I would have taken it outside to the garden and informed them that I did it because the dog must be able to open the door as it seems to be able to escape from every room that they put it in.
It seems like your MIL was worried about the dog being around children so I really don't think that you are just panicking. She has lived with it and worries about it , to me that says that there is a risk

YANBU. But, perhaps next time (if there is a next time), you need to be much firmer in telling them that the dog must not be in the same room as your DSs.

You're right, it is not worth the risk. A friend's son (a similar age to your DS2) was attacked by another friend's dog when he was just sitting on the floor. The dog but him in the face and the poor little boy ended up having over 40 stitches. He's absolutely fine now, and there's barely any scarring, but it was very, very scary indeed.

I adore dogs, I grew up on the farm and we always had at least 2 dogs as pets. But I would never trust a dog around small children, especially not one which has previous history of snapping. My sister and her bf have a dog which they treat as their baby, but when we've been to their house the always put the dog in a different room. There is just no question about this (and I am very grateful to them for doing it).

Next time just tell them straight. There are too many horror stories to take a risk with your DSs.

Bubbleymummy, I'm a dog owner and adore all dogs. Even I can see that your BIL was rude and thoughtless though!

Had he asked if he could bring the dog I'd have said that this was fair enough, but he didn't, which is surely only polite. I admit to only putting my own large but friendly dogs in another room if a visitor is genuinely scared of or allergic to them - but in your MILs house it should have been her rules which stood and she should have both warned you in advance that the dog was there and taken steps to seperate the dog and your DCs given the dog's history. If the dog had no such history there would have been no reason to do so but in this case YANBU.

It's not often I stick up for humans over dogs but here there's no question that you were being entirely reasonable. What to do about visiting BIL is another matter. There it will be his house and his rules. I can only suggest that you reiterate your valid concerns but if he won't budge maybe you'll have to reconsider your proposed visit. With very young DC it's all very well to say that a dog is fine, but even the most good natured dog could (understandably) get stroppy if a young child pulled/prodded him.

If you can't appeal to your BIL wrt the dog perhaps the solution is to point out that as vigilant as you are and as good a parent as you are there is always the risk of an incident with an unreliable dog with little DC, it only takes you to be distracted for a second or for someone to leave a door open and let the two meet. I know it will stick in your throat to indicate that your DC may be to "blame" if an accident occurred but this may be the only way to make your BIL see what you are trying to point out.

YANBU at all. Thoughtless loons - probably if the dog had snapped, they would have blamed it on your DS for winding him up! (have seen this happen)

I have a friend who has a dog rather than a baby, she doesn't like or want DC herself and she had the manners to keep her dog out of the area in which DS was playing when we were at a mutual friend's house.

As far as staying with them is concerned, I think I would politely refuse - they might think you are being a bit precious about it but if it were me, I'd take that rather than run the risk of one of the DC being bitten.

Actually I think you should have been plainer. "The dog has form. He's in the utility room or outside - wherever as long as he's away from the children. And if you don't like that then we're going to have to take the kids home"

All of the pussy-footing around does no-one any favours.

Hi

YUDNBU

I love dogs and so does DS.

I adored our family dog when I was growing up and he adored me we were pretty much inseparable.

However it didn't stop him sanpping at me and catching me right across the face (about 1/2 cm below my eyeball and the opposite side of my chin - 6 stitches in each cut when I was 4 years old.

It's only now I have DS I can imagine what my mother must have gone through taking me to casualty not knowing if I'd lost an eye.

I still adored the dog afterwards and he did me, but you can't EVER trust a dog to be round a child. I never ever do no matter how much they seem to love each other or how soft and gentle the dog is. They are never 100% trustworthy.

I would never run any risk of DS being bitten, and I agree that you shouldn't either, it was grim and over 30 years later I still have the scars to prove it.

Stick to your guns

They're your in laws so its probably difficult for you to be blunt with them. But I think your dh should just have said to his brother 'we don't want the dog in the same room as the children. That doesn't mean leaving him in another room for 5 minutes and then letting him back in. It means WE DON'T WANT HIM IN THE ROOM WITH THE KIDS'. I'm also surprised your MIL didn't put her foot down with her son and tell him to be more considerate.

Thanks everyone. DH is a very laid back 'keep the peace' type person so he would much rather keep saying the same thing over and over rather than create an atmosphere by being more outspoken about the whole thing. MIL is pretty much the same. I also think she would be easily convinced by the 'but he's fine with my other nieces and nephews' argument. I think DHs family generally think I'm a worrier and that I fuss too much but where my children are concerned I just don't think any risk is worth it.

Regarding the summer visit, I may ask DH to politely suggest the dog staying with SIL's mum while we're there. (Dog does stay there sometimes) If that's not ok then we'll just have to conveniently decide to take a different route or have a pressing need to visit/stay with other friends on the way to my sister's

YADNBU.

We went to visit some friends last year when DD was about 10 months. The friends have 2 of the loveliest dogs in the world, they have never snapped at people AFAIK, never had a problem. But the friends still made it clear that the dogs and DD were to be kept apart as DD was obviously too young to understand 'don't touch/poke'. It's not worth the risk.