to be pissed off at MIL?

[SpiritualKnot]

Splitting up from dh. Have done a few threads this week about it all. Have been very upset but coming around ok now. Day after we decided to split, dh rang his mum and told her, don't know what was said, but do know he got a letter off her the next day, which I ignored.

Washing his jeans tonight and letter was in his jeans pocket. He'd said the letter was strange so I looked at it. At first I thought it said that "SK has problems with her lack of selfishness", and then I realised it said "unselfishness" . Lack of unselfishness? That means she thinks I'm selfish! What an absolute cheek!

I work full time, pay the bills and 2 mortgages. Dh contributes £500 a month and
we've decided to drop that to £200 when he moves out. Afterall his £30,000+ salary doesn't go far.

She probably means I'm selfish with my time as dh and I live seperate lives. Well I don't want to get pissed every night like he does or listen to music with him at eardrum splitting levels or go on long walks with him whilst he complains about how scruffy I look.

I'm feeling really annoyed, maybe he's inferred things but still feeling really angry GRRRRRRRRR!!!

I haven't told my parents or other family yet as I don't want them worrying...isn't that selfish of me? His family are all revelling in the drama of it all.

SK

Sounds like you are well off out of his family.

They sound like a nightmare.

"Lack of unselfishness" - Sounds like she got mixed up in what she was saying! Did the rest of the letter suggest she thought you are selfish?

Of course, she is going to deflect any responsibility in the break up off her baby boy, 'tis a mother's nature right? Wouldn't get too upset, she's bound to blame you, he's her son!

There's no point BEng pissed off with her
it was a letter meant for him not you
of course she is going to be on his side

are you definitely splitting up? You still sound very invested in the relationship imo hope you don't mind me saying

hi again

She mentioned my lack of unselfishness twice in the letter!

Bit of a strange phrase though isn't it?

SK

I suppose it depends how you get on with her.
My husband is an only child & I´m fairly certain if we split-for whatever reason, she would justify his behaviour.

I would take comfort in never having to see her again and wouldn´t really care what she thought of me tbh.

And my children certainly wouldn´t be seeing someone who thought so little of me-not on my time anyway, iyswim.

Hi Compo,

Yes we're definitely splitting up, he's just got to find somewhere to go. The renting agencies round here are terrible at getting back to you. It was only last Sunday he told me he wanted to leave, so it is early days, but he is going.

We're both finding it hard to accept really, married 19 years and 2 children.

I know the letter was for him, she's bound to support him but doesn't have to put me down to do that.

SK

hi diddl,

I actually get on really well with her. He constantly puts her down, like he does with me so we offer each other a lot of sympathetic shrugs and smiles when we're all together. She puts him down something terrible..seems to be family thing.

SK

would he go for counselling/marital guidance?

Hi Compo

Not at the moment. I posted before about how his best friend died in January.
It's been a sad time for him and we think we need some time apart just to think things over.

May get back together, he doesn't think so though.We're very similar in lots of ways to do with our characters but we both think it's kind of come to an end. He says he'd rather leave now whilst we still get on, than wait 10 years and for it all to end with us resenting each other.

SK

Why are you doing his washing if he wants to move out?

Wouldn't worry about the MIL, she's his mum, it's only logical for her to be on his side.

Doing his washing coz I'm so selfish I spose.

I don't know really. Just on automatic pilot at the moment.

Will try and ignore MIL, but don't want her to turn him against me when we're being so amicable about everything. He said the letter was strange, so he probably hasn't really taken on board what she actually said.

SK

Mmm, food for thought.

Maybe I should quietly dispose of the letter...haven't set the washing machine off yet, could always slip it back in the pocket brofre I wash them...... ?

SK