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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a card on my 1st mothers day?

27 replies

mumoffraser · 14/03/2010 13:39

As the post says I did think I may get at least a card (DS 11 weeks today). I spent all day so far stewing and when I asked if the trip to B&Q was to celebrate mothers day he just said 'dunno'
Would it be wrong to stab him whilst he's asleep tonight?
I mean my DH not my DS

OP posts:
Original poster
mumoffraser · 14/03/2010 13:43

Just seen the post from mrsflux- looks like we all feel like crap. maybe mothers day is just a marketing ploy to encourage us to feel like this x

OP posts:
diddl · 14/03/2010 13:46

I think it´s sad not to have your first Mother´s Day acknowledged.

That said-I can´t remember if mine were or not!

The year I remember most is when we visited UK & Mother´s Day occurred & I was given a card there& MIL was fuming not to get one "toGran" on Mothers Day.

She was practically apoplectic when she discovered that I was also remembered on MD when it happened here!

tummytime · 14/03/2010 13:48

Mothers day isn't just a marketing ploy and you can feel anything you want. BUT your DH is not your DS. It is his responsibility to get a card / wish happy mother's day to his mum and anything for you is a bonus.

It really won't be long before you're handed a piece of paper covered in glue, the occasional sequin and dirty finger marks and you will be so proud.

groundhogs · 14/03/2010 18:59

Patience girls, patience. It's NOT your role to be Mummy to your DH/DP, it's not his job to honour you, it is to honour his mother.

Wait until your DC can make a fuss of you, THAT will be your first mothers day.

DS turned 4 in December. TODAY is the first Mothers Day, I've ever had.

DH took DS to tesco and he got me a card and made me a necklace at nursery. I wouldn't have dreamed of getting upset at DH for not doing stuff, it's not his job....

If you start throwing toys out at this early stage, you will ruin the mothers days to come.

clam · 14/03/2010 19:05

And exactly how is an 11 week-old expected to honour his own mum if the DH doesn't get it organised? Of course it's up to him to sort it.
Annoys me all this "but you're not my mother" avoidance tactic. We're the mother of their kids and up to a certain age (which will vary according to the kids involved) it's the dads job to manage the process.
If he knows what's good for him.

Nemofish · 14/03/2010 19:19

But I don't think blokes get this idea of buying cards on a baby's behalf to give to someone else. Come to think of it, neither do I, but I still had a mini strop on my first mothers day...

Dd is 3 now and I am not bothered, I got a glitter and paint coloured picture from her at nursery and that will do me!

diddl · 14/03/2010 19:24

I agree it´s up to the father to sort something.

My husband makes sure his Mum gets a card & a phone call, but as the mother of his children I get the most attention and we do something usually of my choosing as a family.

Mrsicycold · 14/03/2010 20:44

My husband always makes a fuss of me on mothers day...I am the mother of his children and my 7 mth old is too young to go shopping alone. However the day is usually ruined by his insisting we have to visit mil so YANBU I would feel exactly the same.

pollywollydoodle · 14/03/2010 20:51

dh got a gooey me when he drew a picture of me and dd when she was 3 months old...crap drawing but it really touched me...especially as he's not big on birthdays/xmas/anniversaries/valentines day etc

pollywollydoodle · 14/03/2010 20:53

sorry, so yanbu to expect him to mark it in some way

ilovesprouts · 14/03/2010 20:55

my dh did not get me anything from ds2 whos 3 hes buggerd off and left us

ilovepiccolina · 14/03/2010 20:57

I didn't get one on my first Mother's Day. When I told DH I was disappointed he said "But you're not my mother!"

I understand how you feel. Hint about a bunch of flowers/chocs for next year.

officewidow · 14/03/2010 21:01

Ah, I really feel for you. Little one is only a few weeks old and you were undoubtedly looking forward to receiving a card for the first time - I know I was - contrived marketing money spinner that it is, I was thrilled to get my card - it felt like a badge of honour! Your DH has been thoughtless IMO, and of course its his responsibility to get you a card on behalf of your baby. Did he get his Mum one? I wonder what he will be expecting this June when Fathers Day rolls around.... Don't stab him though, it might be more productive to wait until you've calmed down and then let him know you would have loved a card (and its not too late). We have to give these blokes a helping hand sometimes, as they like to tell us, they are not mind readers

CirrhosisByTheSea · 14/03/2010 21:01

I just don't get this thing of expecting to be got stuff even if just a card

These things are gifts, freely given or not worth anything, surely? We shouldn't ever expect to be given a gift.

MrsCrafty · 14/03/2010 21:05

Hey, don't worry. You will get at least 5 when your little one is bigger. They make at at least 3 at school and 2 others at church.

I can remember telling my Father that I didn't get a Mothers day card when the children were really young and he was horrified. He actually spoke to my husband and said it was wrong.

My hubs has never ever forgotten.

Bless them.

kaphc · 14/03/2010 22:48

The good thing is that Father's Day comes after Mother's Day in the calendar.

So now you know just how little effort put in come June.

AvrilHeytch · 14/03/2010 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

2rebecca · 14/03/2010 23:06

YABU. You are not your husband's mum and your kid is too young to buy you a card or acknowledge the day.
It isn't your birthday.

Portofino · 14/03/2010 23:26

Mother's Day is a Christian celebration where "children" in service were given the day off to back to their MOTHER church. They took back bunches of flowers for their mothers who normally lived nearby. It isn't about DH's spending money in Clintons on behalf of babies.

Just give it a couple of years....

BeautifullyScreaming · 14/03/2010 23:33

Completely agree with putting no effort in for father's day. I would def go with this option in your case. I don't even care if it could be construed as childish.

It's really not hard to get a card. I would really feel disappointed.

Jennysbean · 15/03/2010 09:00

maybe it's because I am extremely hormonal as have 4 weeks to baby no 2 due date but I felt really upset when I didn't even get a card, DD is only 2 so expected DH to get one and she could scribble on it ( not asking much) I spent day with both my mum and mum in law making sure they had a nice day with flowers and cards.....quietly fumed all day that DH had not even acknowledged it was mothers day for me too as I did all the work at lunch as sugar induced toddler ran around mad......
rant over

Buddleja · 15/03/2010 09:30

It's not 'Your Mother's Day' it's 'Mothers' Day'

So yes the father of the child should help organise something.

I'm assuming that everyone say 'your not his mother' waited untill their children were old enough to do something all off thier own back? Because you are mother to your child's nanny/nursery nurse/teacher either or whoever else might have been the major player in organise that a bit of card with glitter stuck on it or the such like was made

So no mumoffraser YANBU - even a cup of tea/coffee and a kiss and 'you're a brilliant mother' would be good - a card, even a homemade one is even better

BTW on a side note - when DD is old enough to tell you you are the best mummy in the world it beats anything DH can do

mrsbean78 · 15/03/2010 09:40

My mum was here for the weekend and we inked up baby's palm so he could "sign" a Mother's Day card for Grandma for her.. I don't think it doesn't count because the little one hasn't the foggiest what we were doing (he did find it a bit amusing, mind you!).

In terms of it being 'Mother's Day' not 'Your Mother's Day', my mother said she found it surprising that there weren't cards for 'Your First Mother's Day'. She had hoped to get one for me, bless. I also got a text from my Gran for my first Mother's Day as a new mum and flowers from my sister. I don't care if it's just a 'hallmark holiday', it was nice.

Depends how it was celebrated in your own family, I guess. The parameters were firmly laid down by my mother! As she visited for the weekend, there was little chance dh would forget. I think if you want the tradition, you have to let them know.. sometimes we women tie ourselves in knots expecting men to remember things most of them would never find important. It's easier and more effective to let them know your expectations which you can do in a pleasant jokey way BEFORE rather than a screechy, 'how could you!!' hurt way AFTER the event.

Holly29 · 15/03/2010 09:57

YANBU. But the trick is to remind your DH some time in advance. Last week i said "Ooh, it's Mother's Day next Sunday. I hope DS gets me a card!" and then made sure that DH and DS had time for some 'secret shopping' on Saturday morning, and Bob's your Uncle, card was handed over and I was even taken out for lunch.
All good!

roses12 · 15/03/2010 10:08

My fella is good on mothers day NOW. Took a while to sink in that a baby/toddler cannt send a card themselves....ha ha. Really, first time he was used to sending his mother a card but didnt quite get that he should send me one. The second mothers day was much better.............maybe I'll admit to a little sulking and stropping helping the message sink in...maybe