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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to punch sister in law in her stupid face?

24 replies

fingersmcgraw · 14/03/2010 07:51

...because I'm sick of her moaning to us that she and her dh "can't afford a baby" even though they earn something like 200k between them and insist on going on hugely expensive holidays and she seems to spend all her spare cash on shoes or "lovely things for the house" (posh tat iow) or eating out in expensive restaurants.

I just want to shake her and tell her there are people who have genuine hardships and perhaps she should think before she speaks (fat chance) or just shut up.

Unreasonable? Or just jealous?!

OP posts:
deloola · 14/03/2010 07:54

YANBU - a bit harsh maybe

Perhaps she hasn't thought that she will need to change her lifestyle once she has children.

Maybe they are up to their eyes in debt and are just keeping up appearances... or can't have children.

Vinegartits · 14/03/2010 07:54

YANBU

Pheebe · 14/03/2010 07:57

Stop responding to it or some up with a stock phrase such as "thats your choice" or "well I suppose it depends what your priorities are" (although that may start a row!).

It is annoying when someone keeps going on about a single topic but as deloola says there may be more to it (fertility issues?)

bratnav · 14/03/2010 07:59

YANBU. Don't worry though, just smile politely when she does get pg and her ankles swell up meaning she can't wear those expensive shoes ;)

MaMight · 14/03/2010 08:00

The title of your thread is horrible.

AnneElliot · 14/03/2010 08:03

I think you just get used to the level of income you have - however huge it is. A family on very poor means in the UK is dramatically better off than most families world-wide, but plenty of people feel hard up here.

Thinking about how a baby will affect your lifestyle, income etc is a pretty normal part of thinking about ttc. She may have lots of resource, but she is probably going through a similar process to most women.

You sound a bit sour grapes tbh. Are her comments insensitive because you're in particular financial problems at the moment? Her issues are genuine to her.. it's like telling someone off for being self-indulgent for moaning about a minor illness when other people are teminally ill...

YABU

Tortington · 14/03/2010 08:09

i say do it, stop chattin' bubbles and just do it.

Original poster
fingersmcgraw · 14/03/2010 08:11

MaMight - sorry if it offends you! Too little sleep and now have the prospect of seeing her later at mil's house...

Deloola / pheebe - hadn't thought of fertility issues, though they're now pg after only 4 months of trying so obviously fertile enough!

Bratnav - like your thinking

OP posts:
Original poster
fingersmcgraw · 14/03/2010 08:16

Thanks Anne, good points well made. No, we're not badly off but we just try to be more careful with our money as I think you never know what's round the corner.

OP posts:
FabIsDoingPrettyWell · 14/03/2010 08:20

Surely a none issue if they are now expecting?

TrinityIsFuckingTrying · 14/03/2010 08:23

it sounds like they are whining about not being able to afford the the baby they are already due

just ignore her
or just calmly say

babies dont cost as much as holidays and smile sweetly

SixtyFootDoll · 14/03/2010 08:26

aaah another thread about casual violence.
Charming.

skihorse · 14/03/2010 08:37

If she wanted a child she'd have one. She's not ready - so tbh it's probably better for the child.

If she changes her mind when she's "ancient" - sounds as though she can afford to pay for any treatment she might need.

Anyway - just feel smug and superior about the fact she's attempting to fill the void in her soul by buying tat...

sanielle · 14/03/2010 08:48

YABU people often make excuses for why they "wont" have children. When actually they "can't".

Especially to the inlaws!

People who haven't suffered in fertility often don't realize how embarrassing it can be (not that someone should feel embarrassed... but they often still feel that way).

Anyway why does it matter to you?

skihorse · 14/03/2010 09:21

Bugger, now I feel guilty because sanielle is spot on of course.

junglist1 · 14/03/2010 09:47

Maybe pinch her in her stupid face rather than punch her. You might get in trouble

spiderpig8 · 14/03/2010 11:09

I think they were probably trying and it wasn't happening for them.People often say things like this because they don't want people to know their business (undersatndably)

compo · 14/03/2010 11:16

Well they probably have a huge mortgage if they earn loads and the loss of income while being on mat leave could well mean they can't afford the mortgage , no?

Morloth · 14/03/2010 11:25

Depends on your definition of "afford" as well. For us that meant having a big enough house in a nice area, enough money coming in so that I didn't need to work, wanted to be able to have a plan to pay for university fees, needed to be able to afford fun stuff as well, and just generally not have to scrimp and scrap with kids involved.

Not saying that she should be whinging. But if I couldn't afford to maintain the lifestyle that I want to have and have a baby, then for me I wouldn't be having the baby. Everyone's threshold is different though.

If you dislike her so much, perhaps you should cut down on the time you spend with her?

fallon8 · 14/03/2010 17:15

The holidays and junk for the house, are covering up soemthing else.

DaisymooSteiner · 14/03/2010 17:17

Just laugh at her when she says it! She's clearly delusional, no point wasting any energy on being angry.

MrsPixie · 14/03/2010 17:19

wow you sound really bitter and twisted, quite jealous actually.
What a vile OP

pagwatch · 14/03/2010 17:27

TBH. I think when people protest too much about anything I wonder what else is going on.

If it were me I would try to ignore. You may find laterthat this is a matter far more complicated than it seems just now.

My SIL drove me and my sisters around the bend because she kept going on about having more children and that we should be giving up work to be at home and have babies.
We found out later that they were having huge problems after they developed fertility problems that meantthey couldn't have any more.
At the time it sounded like she was a smug SAHM but that was not what was going on.

Just be happy with your choices and leave her to it

JackSpratt · 14/03/2010 17:35

I tried for 5 years until I got pregnant.

All that time outwardly I was a "free spirit party girl" far too busy for pesky kids who tie you down.

YABU

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