to want to beat my head against a wall every time I talk to a teenage girl?

[CheerfulYank]

I was at the movie theater the other night (I work there) and one of the teenage employees came in with a friend of hers. This friend was moaning on and on about her boyfriend, how crap he is and how horribly he treats her, blah blah blah. But she can't put her foot down and tell him to feck off because "other girls like him and he'd just go out with them."

Well, first of all, let them have him I'd say, since he seems to be such a shit guy. I tried to explain to her that as girls/women, it's very important to not put up with this trifling behavior from our partners. Men (straight ones anyway ) are not going to go without women, it's just a fact. So if no woman would put up with their bullshit, they'd straighten up and fly right or find themselves getting awfully lonely.

She blathered on about how he's "really hot" and "really cool and the other girls will let him do whatever just to go out with him" all the while looking at me like I'm some outdated relic from the 50's. (I'm twenty freakin' seven, by the way!) I tried to calmly explain, right, but you are not in charge of those girls unfortunately and if they want to degrade themselves that way you can't help them. All you can do is have standards for yourself and have certain things that you will not put up with, and you will find a guy who meets them.

She just stared at me. Sadly this is not anywhere near the first convo I have had that went this way, and they're getting younger and younger. 12 yr olds, FFS, sending naked pictures of themselves to their "boyfriends" (are they really boyfriends at 12?! Really?) that get shown to all the boys. Where the frak does this end? This bullshit is making me never want to have daugheters, I swear!

Thank you for listening to this long and annoying rant.

Oh dear. I have a 4 year old daughter. Is this the kind of thing I'm going to have to deal with in the future?

daughters, I mean. Excuse me

And I hope not Lutyens!

Well, you know, there have been times when reading threads on Mumsnet I have felt like never having anything to do with middle-aged women again. But of course noone would judge another middle-aged woman, let alone all middle-aged women, from nonsense spouted by one middle-aged woman.

I have a teenage dd. She is perfectly sensible. Which is more than can be said for all middle-aged women I see around.

i knwo a lot of FANTASTIC teenage girls

lovely caring witty determined girls

dont generalise

Good to know, Cory! And TBH I know lots of women who act in exactly the same way as the abovementioned girl. So I should retract my statement and just say "girls/women who act like this." Sorry, sensible teenage girls of the world, I'm sure you're out there!

I have 2 teenage dds. They are sensible, and their freinds are too. Apart from the odd instance of dirty clothes on bathroom floor, mugs left in front room, they are great to nhave around. I agree that what the OP describes is worrying, but it's not inevitable. I guess they pick up your own attitudes- if you respect yourself and expect to be treated properly, your dds will too.

My son has been brought up to treat girls with respect. he has had the same girlfriend for over a year ( took her to Paris for theiranniversary). He can't stand 'obvious' behaviour and admires his girlfriend because she is ambitious and disciplined. She is an athlete and working hard at her A levels as is he.
He is pretty handsome and a pretty good boyfriend prospect ( rugby jock, and a few other superficial 'ticks') but he chooses who he wants to date and be around.

We can beat our heads against the wall worrying about the behaviour of our duaghters.
But we also need to look at how we are bringing up our sons.

My niece on the other hand has a facebook page that would make a hooker blush.

She and my son are the same age at 16

There's a big media campaign going on about relationship abuse, frequent adverts on the radio and at the swimming pool about controlling boyfriends. I wonder if it's only a local campaign? Am sad about OP's msg .

no, it's national, was launched with some worrying research about how yp don't recognise abusive, controlling behaviour for what it is. I guess they must have found those yp somewhere, but it doesn't reflect the teenagers I come across (have ds's too)

I'm sorry to make anyone sad! And you're completely right, Lou, I shouldn't generalize and I apologize. I was quite a sensible teenage girl myself!

You're right too Pag; my DS is 2 and I have begun laying the groundwork for him to grow up and be respectful of women. Good on ya for raising such a lovely son-wish someone would take me to Paris!

i don't think putting up with crap from males is limited exclusively to teenage girls is it??

you could just as easily say you feel like banging your head against a wall when you speak to women of any age.. it is surely more to do with self esteem than age

I know, see above post where I amended to "women/girls that act this way"

you are doing what you can by giving her a different perspective, let's hope it gets through on some level.

I know, it just all makes me so sad. It's more of the "let girls be girls" business. I saw a eight year old wearing a shirt emblazoned with "hottie" the other day. Really? Who's finding her hot? BOAK.

I know that's not the same as my OP question, but it's all in the same vein really. I just wish I didn't see so many young girls/women whose self esteem was wrapped up in what boys/men think of them.

I agree completely with your modified post! It's such a shame to see women putting up with rubbish in case they lose out on 'a hottie'. I've never understood it myself. And sadly, the rotten males in this have a lot to answer for.

We know it's not all men, the same as it's not all women who put up with it, but there are enough on each side to perpetuate the battle.