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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've had enough... I want my friend out.

11 replies

toja555 · 13/03/2010 12:56

Hi, this is probably going to be a rather big moaning. I made a stupid mistake.. two mistakes actually, and I doubt if there is any way out of this...
Mistake No. 1. I bought a 2 bed house which is little over my budget - I stretched myself thinking is will be OK but the life has been a bit of financial struggle ever since. I live there with my DH and small DS.
Mistake No. 2. I have a friend (female) who just had a baby, she is on maternity leave, her DH does not have a job, and their landlady was almost kicking them out, and she could not afford anything much. After I bought a house, we (my friend and me mainly) came to a brilliant idea (it seemed that time) that she can rent one room with us... my DH was not keen but he said OK. We thought as we are friends and have similar age children, it will be fun. Plus it will be financial relief for both of us.. well, there is.. but otherwise I am suffering. They occupied our living room. My family uses 2 bedrooms upstairs. Our kitchen/diner serves as a living space. They applied for a council flat as soon as they moved in, it's been about 5 months. We are all very polite and nice, but it starting to piss me off. Their family are always in kitchen/diner. Her DH uses laptop exactly on our dinning table, and me and my DH wants to have a meal, I never feel like to have it with a third person. Her DH sings loudly in the house, and I am a quiet person, I hate it. My DS runs around and disturbs everyone, and I feel that I have to be guarding him constantly instead of doing my own things. They hang their drying laundry on the radiator in hallway. Oh, so many little things. Basically they are good people, but I had enough of it. My DH blames me on every occasion. I feel like all blame, if something is wrong, is put on me, because it was my decision (my idea, kind of). I realise, I made a mistake.
To make it worse, I just found out I am pregnant with the 2nd.... I just want to get away from everyone.. It's going to be only worse, and I cannot kick them out. My friend's friendship is precious to me. My family is precious to me too. I am sometimes thinking to call to council and .. to say something to speed up their case. I cannot say to my friend's face, that "look I have had enough". What should I do?
My biggest dream that they get their council flat asap and we swap our house for something more affordable.. but.. it is only in my dreams... unfortunately....

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 13/03/2010 12:58

let me get this right ...

there are 2 families living in a 2 bed house ?

this is very wrong, you need to get it sorted, you cannot live like this

nickschick · 13/03/2010 13:00

I think if they have been on the council list then you could give them a 'notice to quit' which would in the eyes of the council render them homeless - you could explain to your friend that you are finding this new pregnancy harder and that you will need more space and it will also help her get accomodation quicker.

The house is overcrowded,4 dults not from the same family sharing those rooms and 1 bathroom isnt ideal.

I think if your friend values your friendship she will understand.

ben5 · 13/03/2010 13:02

phone the council and say they will be homeless at the end of the month unless they sort them out!!!!!!!!!!

Shaz10 · 13/03/2010 13:04

I definitely would push the "would get you a house more quickly" angle. Your friend should understand, she'll know it's not exactly an ideal situation. Please take care and put your family first.

And congratulations on your pregnancy!

BelleDameSansMerci · 13/03/2010 13:04

I think the fact that you are pregnant with second DC is going to give you an excellent starting point for this conversation. I recommend you speak to your friend as it was you and she who originally came up with this plan. Think you just need to tell her gently that now that you're expecting another child, it won't be practical to have so many people in the house. I realise this will be difficult but you must put yourself first in this situation. They need to advise the council that they will be homeless at "x" point (you can mutually agree this) and then I imagine the process of finding them somewhere else to live will be speeded up anyway. There is no pressure on the council at the moment as your friend and family are housed.

I think this might actually work out best for both of you.

Original poster

toja555 · 13/03/2010 13:12

Thank you for giving me encouragement to act... when we were discussing idea before she moved in, I told her that I give her 2 years limit - it is more like emotional limit meaning that they cannot stay here forever... She is really being nice and considerate but it is probably natural to feel crowded and I HOPE she can understand... I am not sure at the moment how they feel about living here, whether they struggle silently as well or not. If not, my suggestion to kick them out (theoretically) might come as a surprise... I shouldn't have done this in the first place. I fell yuk

OP posts:

Cloudbase · 13/03/2010 13:54

Toja, please don't feel yuk, as I suspect this will actually work out okay.

If they are on a council list and you ask them to leave (agreed with them, of course) then the council will find them something very quickly as they will be unintentionally homeless and they have children.

The pregnancy is an excellent opportunity to explain that you need your home back - I wouldn't worry too much that she will be upset, as I suspect they find it as challenging as you. They will welcome the chance to get their own place from the council, even if it is only temporary, I'm sure.

heQet · 13/03/2010 13:58

You need to give notice, as others have said. They will then become top priority with the council.

If she is a friend, she will of COURSE understand that you cannot live like this any longer (congrats btw ) and if she doesn't understand - well then she's not a friend and it's better that she goes asap.

So either way - you win.

thumbwitch · 13/03/2010 13:59

My sister had an interesting situation with relations living in her house - a council worker actually advised her to issue them with a Notice To Quit as nickschick suggests, because it makes them due to be homeless and forces the Council to do something about it. If you explain this to your friend, hopefully she will see that you are actually doing her a favour.

DavidHappyDad · 13/03/2010 14:10

Message deleted

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 13/03/2010 14:29

Kicking them out is the best thing you could do for them. You give them notice in writing and they take it to the council. The council then has to house them on the date you specify. Ok, it might be B%B for a couple of months, not ideal, but the way things are they are never going to get moved straight to a flat, they could be with you for years and years. The only way is to kick them out. You would be doing them a favour and I'm sure they will understand that, especially with another baby on the way.

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